WEEK 9 - day 71 - 1.8kg lost but not without a vent...

I'm doing something a little different today - I'm blogging in the morning rather than at night!

I just weighed myself - I'm 210.3kg.  I have lost 1.8kg this week and a total of 12.7kg.

I'm still feeling quite sick.  I am vomiting and I also have diarrhea.  I'm still only having the bars rather than the shakes.  i am not sure how long it would take for my body to get used to the change but it's certainly taking longer than what I would like it to.

I'm also still feeling a bit down.  It's hard to explain but, I'll have a go.

It's only in the last few weeks that I have realised how much my weight effects my life and it's understandable that it's having an impact - I've never focused on my weight for so long before.  I've started to realise how many problems it is creating in my life and how many things it stops me from doing.  It's starting to make me feel quite depressed.

Things that never used to bother me are really starting to get in the way.  I often get rashes in unsightly places.  This is due to chafing and sweating I imagine.  I have one of them at the moment and it's really sore.  I am using Vaseline and Power to try and get it to heal. 

Our shower head broke on Friday - something that is paramount that I have due to the fact that i am unable to wash myself properly if I don't have one.  I'm off to Bunnings sometime today to get a new one but that's not the point.  The point that I have needed to use one for quite some time is.

Putting on lace up shoes is impossible.  As is socks.  I thought about going to the gym tomorrow morning but I won't have anyone to do up my shoes. 

I took the kids to the pools yesterday and as I waded with my pants hiked up to my knees, I felt down watching everyone else being able to swim with their kids.  I normally wear a skirt and a singlet top in but, I couldn't find them.  It would have been nice to just be able to throw something (anything) on and enjoy quality time with them.

Getting up to chase the twins is hard.  I'm not enjoying being a Mother as much as I should.  I can't do the things that I want to do with any of them because of my weight.

As I said, these are things that don't normally bother me - they've just been a fact of life that I have just dealt with and worked around.  I don't want to be like this anymore.  I know that I am losing weight and that my surgery is in just under a month but it can't come quick enough.  I can't even say that I want to reclaim my life as I have always been like this.  I just want to start living.  Find out what it's like to be of a size so that I can do things rather than be disabled by my weight. 

I sound like I am having a big whinge.  I guess I am.  I don't feel sorry for myself - I am just frustrated. 

I have my CPAP machine fitted tonight.  I am going to do as much housework as I can to try and tire myself out so that I sleep as well as I can.  I don't imagine that it's going to be that comfortable!  Doing housework can count as my exercise for the day.  At least I can clean in bear feet :)  I'll make sure I get a photo of myself tonight in the horrid CPAP mask.

I'm so proud of some of my friends who are on their own mission to lose weight. One of my friends Tracey is preparing to have the gastric sleeve surgery.  She's doing so well.  She's lost 3.7kg.  I imagine that figure would be more now given the fact that it has been 5 days since her weigh in.  I find their stories inspiring and am so pleased for both of them.  Well done girls xoxo