Day 73 - CPAP fitting tonight :)

I phoned Western Private Hospital yesterday morning and managed to get my CPAP fitting booked for TONIGHT!  I am leaving in about 20 minutes. 

I received an Email from my specialists office with a list of people who hire out the CPAP machines (more on that tomorrow).  I was shocked to find the price difference between each place was ridiculous!  One wanted almost $200 a month to lease a machine!  That was on a 12 month contract.  At that rate, you may as well purchase a machine.

I bet I'm going to end up looking like that girl from the movie 'tank girl' tonight.  I'll make sure I take a photo and I'll post it tomorrow.

My specialist believes I may need the machine for up to 12 months.  I checked with Medibank Private and my cover will reimburse me up to $500 of the cost of a machine or the same if I hire one.  I'm happy I checked else I would have never have known.

I felt really down at work this afternoon.  I was finding it really hard to concentrate.  I left about half an hour early.  I just felt like crying.

I think that once again it's all gotten to me.  I ended up writing a few things down on the way home to keep myself from breaking down on the train. 

I've spent so much time trying to work out why I've done this to myself or why myself has done this to me.  I know that none of that makes sense but sometimes none of what I think does.  Especially when I delve into the reason I am in the 'position' that I am in.

There's no reason in placing blame on myself for where I am at the moment.  There is no sense in back tracking.  Moving forward toward my goal is the important thing.  Looking forward to the results.  Conquering each battle that comes up each day (sometimes each hour).  Believing in myself.  Working on loving myself.  Focusing on the positives.  Breaking old habits and believing that I'll succeed - not to the point where I not only convince myself that I'll succeed but I actually end up believing it.  Not sure which is the hardest part of any the above but I know that it's achievable.

I'm getting there :) every day I get a little further.

Off to dress up like tank girl and try not to analyze everything too much. 

Stay tuned for pics :)