Monday, February 28, 2011

I NEED FOOD! Well, at least I think I do...

I don’t get me.  For the last week and a half, I have been doing SO well with my eating and exercise.  I even went for a walk on Friday night when I got home from work however, for the last 2 days, I have been SO hungry.  I can think of a few things that I could put it down to but really, I feel as though when I think of these things that I am trying to blame someone (or something) other than myself for my actions.

Today I ate lots.  Not terribly bad foods but, I ate things in quantities that I never thought would fit now that I have a band.  I ate toast with Avocado, Onion and Tomatoes.  I had a small pack of the Kid’s Bickies that go in their lunches.  I ate Chasse.  I didn’t look at the kilojoule content of any of the things that I put in my mouth today.  I was irresponsible with my food choices and to top it off, I didn’t go and do any exercise to try and reason in my own mind that ‘1 right erases several wrongs’.

I know that we can’t all be perfect and I know that it is easy to fall off the Wagon.  It’s a lot harder to get back on it again when you do the wrong thing for longer so, it’s my goal to get right back on it tomorrow by starting with a session at the gym.  They have aqua aerobics’ at 11am and this is a class that I have been wanting to try out for some time. It’s just the whole ‘getting in and doing it’ that has been stopping me.  One of my lap banding books talks about getting over things so that you are able to get in and have a go – I think this is one of those things that I need to get over.   I shall let you know if I go or if I don’t go. To the aerobics class but the gym is a definite.

I did remind myself today that now is not the time to fall off the Wagon due to the fact I have the relay for life coming up in just over a month.  I need to make sure that I stick to my fitness regime and my eating habits continue to be good like they were last week.

I was a bit disappointed as I got my ‘relay for life’ top in the mail on Friday.  I tried it on and it was way too tight.  Not the ‘it will fit after I’ve been really good’ for a week tight but a really bad ‘fatty grid girl’ kind of way.  I might put it on and take a photo of myself.  Not because I am going to wear it during the relay more so for the purpose of looking back at the photo in a few months and trying the top on again to see if there is any difference.  It’s my boobs that help me pull off any type of suitable look – it’s the rest that make it look bad!

I took the time on Sunday to write out a menu for the next week and a half.  Tonight we had red Chicken Curry for dinner.  It was so nice.  Tomorrow night, Callum is cooking and he has decided that he is going to make Hamburgers (I can have the salad – not the pattie).  It was great to be able to write everything down and feel organised for a change.  The slow cooker is going to get a work out on the nights that I am at work and I have limited the nights that the family have take away to one night per week, this being on a Friday or Saturday.  Now, if I can stick to doing it every week again, things will be good :)

Well, I’m off to bed.  Busy day ahead tomorrow.  I have a lot of cleaning to do and I have to also get rid of this Headache that has been looming since Friday afternoon.  It’s a stress thing – at least I know that now.  I had the day off work today because of it.  Maybe that’s why I am feeling as though I need to eat my way through everything as well – I am an emotional eater and this was something I knew years ago.  I just need to put that part aside and do positive things to combat the stress and upset rather than eating :/ that’s the hard part!

Night all xo

Thursday, February 24, 2011

1st PT session done and dusted! - 26.3kg GONE!

I didn’t get the chance to blog yesterday – the Dog has chewed through the Computer charger at home so I wasn’t able to get on so, whilst I am at Mum’s – I shall update here.

I weighed in yesterday and I was 196.6kg and on the 19.01.2011, I was 199.3kg. That’s a loss of 2.7kg for the week. I’m stoked! I am happy that the hard work that I have put in over the past week has shown and I hope for even better (or just as good) results next Wednesday when I weigh in. I have lost a total of 26.3kg and the best thing is – I am just getting started :)

I had my personal training session today. I am now seeing Michael instead of Lincoln. I got there about 20 minutes early and started on the treadmill. Michael came over and introduced himself and took me off to have a chat about my goals, where I want to be and why I think I am where I am regarding my weight. I rambled! I just let it out and said how I need to be here because I am worth it. I told him that I had lap band surgery back in November and that I haven’t been trying up until now but, I have certainly been back on track since last Wednesday.

He put me on the treadmill and got me to walk a kilometre to see what my heart rate is like and to see what I was like when I talked when I was walking. I should probably have let him know that I could talk no matter what the circumstance – it’s in my genes!

He then got me to do some walking with weights. I had a 6kg weight in each hand and I had to walk and do curls at the same time. I couldn’t believe that the weights that I was holding were half of what I had lost. When I felt that weight and how I struggled with it (not when using them to do the curls but just how heavy it was on my legs), I was amazed to know I was carrying that much weight but DOUBLED. That made me proud. He then got me to walk using some smaller hand weights and I had to flap my arms like a bird (well, not fast but lift the weights up and down every time I took a step with my right foot). The last exercise involved a medicine ball. I had to bounce and carry the ball. Oh, and the step. HOW COULD I FORGET THE STEP? He got me to do some stepping. OMG. That made me more puffed than what the walking and other things did. I am not that great at balancing so, he got me to hold onto a bar and I just walked up and down, up and down.

I was standing in front of a mirror when doing it. I can’t look in a full length mirror at the moment – especially when I am at the gym. I don’t like what I see. Sure, I know that I am well on my way to changing it however, it’s just something that I don’t like to see. Photos are fine – the mirror is not. He stood in between myself and the mirror as I did my horrible stepping.

Afterwards, we had a chat to work out where to from here. I am going to see him on a weekly basis. My next appointment is on Thursday next week. He is fantastic as he is straight down the line and I appreciate that in a person. I will have a go at anything he puts in front of me. I have never let my weight get in the way of doing things that need to be done and this time is no exception.

I am happy that he’s given me a few more things to do rather than the treadmill.

I will be aiming to go to the Gym 5 nights per week. I won’t be able to go tomorrow night more than likely due to the fact that they close at 8pm rather than 10 however, I may end up doing Zumba at home or I might go for a walk with the kids after tea – I’ll see how I go.
I’ll be there on Saturday and Sunday this weekend, that’s for sure.

Thank you Ronda for the gentle kick up the butt and thank you Lisa for inspiring me to go and see a Personal Trainer xo

Things are going great. I am feeling fantastic. And can’t wait to see what is around the corner :)
I’m off to bed – nice to have a night where I can sleep without having to worry about a baby crawling into bed with me given the fact I’m at Mum’s house CHILD FREE!
Night all xo

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Weigh day tomorrow - busy week ahead...

I have such a busy few days ahead!

I am working tomorrow, I have a presnentation that I have to attend at Lachie’s Schoool. I need to get my Licence renewed on Thursday which means a new photo (blah). I have a personal training session in the afternoon an then that night, I am going to Nanna and Poppa’s house to help celebrate their 50th Wedding anniversary :) I am staying at Mum’s on Thursday night and am off to work from there on Friday. Working bee on Saturday and on Sunday, I am hoping to catch up with a special friend (if she has time).

I had an interesting day yesterday. After I had left work, i walked torward the Station (like normal) and a girl walked past me and said ‘you’re ffffaaaattt’. I didn’t have a come back. I didn’t have anything to say. I was shocked. I was thinking about the guy on Saturday when I heard her say this.

I weigh less than what I have in at least a year, I am feeling the best that I have in such a long time. I have really changed the way that I feel about myself and therefore, I believe that shows on the outside. It has to. I cant take a lot more of unprovoked attacks by total strangers but it looks I might have to. I think I said the other day I feel like I am back in high school.

I have one person to thank for helping to teach me how to accept myself. Trish. She helped me realise a lot of things about myself that I didn’t know I had in me. And this has bought me to the place where I am now. Being able to accept myself for who I am. If I didn’t accept myself for who I am at this moment in time, comments like the ones I have had the last few days would make me crumble in a heap. And given the fact that I am doing something about my weight has made it easier to accept the criticisim I might get from people who don’t know me. I am proud of who I am and where I am at this point in my life. Especially now that I am totally back on track.

It’s weigh day tomorrow :) I tried really hard for 4 of 7 days this week (exercise wise). Food wise, I have done really well each day. I can’t wait to see what I have achieved.

Thank you everyone for your support this week. It has meant a lot to me xo

Sunday, February 20, 2011

What a wonderful weekend other than a slight hitch...

It has been a good last few days. I have done so well with my exercise and eating. Brad went to the football on Friday night which gave me the chance to do Zumba for the first time without prying eyes (or so I thought!). I was 10 minutes in to it and was realising just how unco I am when Callum (my 9 year old) came around the corner and just stood there staring at me. He had a bit of a half smile. It was quite off-putting being stared at like that so I asked him to join in. It was great. We had a wonderful time together. I was SO tired at the end of it! I can’t believe how much it makes you work. It’s defiantly on my to do list at least twice at week. I might get the courage to do it at the Gym once I have gotten used to it a bit and I don’t feel so odd :/

Yesterday, I had to work overtime so I wasn’t able to go the gym as by the time I got home, it had closed. I had decided the other day that I would go for a walk instead. I left at about 7.45. I took Lachlan with me along with the twins in their single prams. I found it was really hard to walk with the babies in these prams (I’ve only ever used them a few times for shopping etc..., not when walking fast). I kept stepping on the back wheels of the pram meaning I wasn’t able to walk fast. I phoned Brad and asked if he could pick the twins up so I could focus on my walking.

We’d only walked about a kilometre. We were at the University in the car park. Brad arrived and got out of the Car and grabbed Charlotte and began putting him in his seat. I heard a car horn beeping (like it was someone saying hi). I looked around to see a silver Ute. I didn’t recognise it. This guy put his head out the window and shouted out ‘Genesis is that way’. Genesis is a gym. I had about a second to think of what to do and I ended up shouting out ‘that’s why I’m exercising f**k h**d’.

I was SO angry. My face was SO hot. I felt like crying. I looked at Brad who was waiting for my reaction. He hadn’t heard what they had said but Lachlan had. I told Brad what they said and I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I said that I thought I might go home (I was getting cramps in my calves when I was walking anyway). But then, I thought no. I am not letting it get to me. I am BETTER than that. So I said to Lach let’s go. And we did.

We started walking a bit further up the road. I was walking fast. I was SO angry. That bloke had ignited my anger. My frustration. With that comment, years of comments came back into my head (as it always does when I am picked on for no reason other than being fat).

I told Lachie some of the things that happened when I was a Child in regard to bullying. I told him that’s why I suggest to him that he doesn’t have seconds of dinner at night, have a piece of fruit instead. I told him this is why I am trying to teach him good habits so that he doesn’t end up going though what I have my whole life.

I also apologised to him and said ‘I shouldn’t have called that man an ‘f’ head’. Lachie’s response was ‘why not?’. It wasn’t said in a tone like he was looking for an answer. It was said in the ‘he deserved it’ tone. I said to him that I shouldn’t have sworn in front of him or his siblings but it was a natural reaction. I said to him that you don’t go through life being picked on without defending it. I also reiterated that calling people an ‘f’ head is not defending yourself – I was just angry.

In a way, I owe that guy a thank you. He made me push myself. Made me realise why I am doing this. Made me happy that I was out exercising rather than sitting on the couch eating a bag of chips. I certainly had a good walk last night and I can tell from how my legs feel this morning.

Today we had a wonderful day. I enjoy weekends as I get to spend time with the family. I I was going to go for a walk again tonight but, by the time we got home it was a bit late. I guess in the back of my mind I worry the same sort of thing may happen like it did last night. There are plenty of people in the world out to bring me down. It’s just ironic how it happened the first time that I chose to exercise publicly.

I was a big naughty today – I weighed myself. I was 196.7kg. On Thursday, I was 197.1kg. Today I am 196.7kg. I need to make sure I don’t start the every 3rd day weigh game again!

I have a personal training session on Thursday. I am really looking forward to it.

I feel really good now that I am back. I am happy that everything seems to be coming together.

A few words that one of my gorgeous friends said to me the other day (words she is considering getting tattooed) come to mind today - ‘the best is yet to come’. I have to agree with her.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Almost 2 litres down :)

Almost 2 litres or water down today! I did SO well. I had about 1.7 litres water but don’t think I am going to have any more. I’ll be up all night if that’s the case.

I weighed in this morning – 197.1kg – I’m wrapped. I was worried that maybe I had put on some weight ever the past few weeks. It feels great to know that I am never going to get to the 200kg mark again. My next goal is to hit 190kg and I hope to do that by no later than the end of March although I am sure that I can do it by mid March easily :)

I didn’t go to the Gym tonight. I still have this headache and given the fact it was my day off today (which is my housework day), I certainly did a lot more moving around than normal. I’m at work tomorrow so I will utilise the stairs again and on Saturday, I am working Overtime so by the time I get home the Gym is closed so I’ll go for a walk when I get home.

I did really well with my eating today as well. I had a drinking yoghurt for Breakfast, a bowl of Sustain for lunch (didn’t feel like soup) and a salad with a little tin of Tuna on the side. I have been trying to stick to no more than 700kj per meal which is still quite low. So long as I can get everything I need in those meals, I’m fine. It’s just a matter of planning.

I’ve signed up for the ‘relay for life’. It’s all done. My Sister, Sarah has done a wonderful job of recruting people to join in and we have raised $30 today. Yay! Please go to

where you can sponsor the team I am in, ‘Slowly but Shorely’.

As I mentioned, it’s important that I keep up my walking leading up to this event. And I do have one personal goal – I would LOVE to jog/run at least half a lap. That would be an achievement and I would be so proud of myself.

I’m off to bed. I’m SO tired! I hope you had a great day :)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Today was a good day :)

Today went really well :) I managed to stick to all of my goals other than the drinking 2 litre one – I’ll get to that in a minute.

I woke up migraine free this morning which is fantastic. I didn’t use Martin like I intended on doing but I shall wear him tonight. For those of you wondering who Martin is, he is my CPAP machine. I used to use Herman but he suffered a power surge so I had to get a replacement.

I went to weigh myself. Wednesday is weigh day after all however, the scales did not agree with me this morning. The batteries were flat so they told me that I weighed 117kg! That certainly woke me up! I hunted around for fresh batteries but couldn’t find any. I will have to buy some tomorrow and I will then weigh myself on Friday morning as I am sure that I weigh a bit more (well, much more) than 117kg.

I made my lunch to take to work for the first time in ages. I bought a small tub of yoghurt, an apple and an avocado and cheese wholegrain sandwich. I ate all of my food but not in a hurry. I spaced it out over the day. A lot better than my Sushi rolls or being tempted by the possibility of purchasing something from bread top!

Although I can eat bread at the moment, it takes quite some time to go down and as I had been drinking (I’d had maybe around the 300ml mark), it took me forever to eat my sandwich. I managed half of it. I had also been eating the yoghurt at the same time. I got through half a tub. After I had eaten, I wasn’t thirsty which then mucked up my plans on drinking more. I refilled my water bottle again at 4ish. No, not the best effort but I shall do better tomorrow. I still swear by my diet cordial but have cut back on my diet cordial consumption.

I was going to do Overtime at work tonight but my headache returned so, I went home. I ended up going to the gym tonight. I walked for half an hour. I walked 2.6km in that time. I was really pleased with my efforts.

It was strange going back to the gym for a few reasons. I haven’t been since just after my Surgery. I don’t wear closed shoes – they don’t fit due to my lymphodema so putting sneakers on (or should I say, having them put on) is a strange experience (I have lived in Havianas for the past 3 years). I went because I had the drive to go. I found myself with so much going through my head that I needed to take my mind off it for a while. It was quite a strange sensation when I walked tonight. I kept the top half distracted whilst I continued to make the bottom half move. That’s the only way I got through the half an hour was to not think about what was going on below my belly button! I am trying to make an appointment to see a personal trainer (I have a voucher they sent me for my birthday for a free session and I also have one that I paid for when I signed up). I am looking forward to seeing them – I am hoping they can write me out a fitness regime that I can stick to and is going to make me work all the right places.

I had a can of ‘Chunky’ soup when I got home and it has done more than fill me up :)

I also got in touch with my Sister today who is going to do the relay for life with me. I also phoned my Nanna and let her know that’s what we’re doing. She was so pleased. Still trying to think of a team name. I am registering us tomorrow. I am really going to have to make sure I train for this event. I think I have underestimated the stamina that is required to complete it without passing out halfway through! I am so excited about it and I am happy my Nanna is as well. She won’t be attending but, I’ll be sending her photos and videos so that she can see how we went.

So, my friend on Facebook (Aunty Ronda) must have read my blog last night and she has let me know she is happy to be identified as my motivator. She has been great. She was really the ‘kick up the arse’ that I needed. Just by asking me how I had been going with my walking and drinking was enough to bring me ‘here’. Back to the place I was last year – the land of motivation.

I did some things today that I have never done before. They may sound small but, they are huge to me. I walked up the ramp after getting off the train at North Melbourne Station. I normally jump on the escalator. I also walked up flight f stairs at work. This is a huge thing for me. The stairs are fine – it’s just the fact I know am 15 floors up. That thought doesn’t do much for me at all.

Tomorrow, I am back to the gym. As Brad has to put my shoes and socks on for me, I’ll have to get him to do it before he leaves for work. I can’t wait until I can put them on myself. Such a small thing but, will be huge for me when I can.

I am feeling great and so motivated. I’m so happy that I’m back. I hope I can keep this feeling. Last time, it stayed for a few months. Let’s hope that it does the same thing this time!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

It’s been ages since I’ve done my blog.

It’s been ages since I’ve done my blog.

Something I’ve noticed about myself – when I am ‘not doing it’ I am not doing my blog either.

I haven’t weighed myself since the last time I noted my weight down (a LONG time ago) but I plan on doing so tomorrow morning to find out where I am at.
One thing that I have learnt about lap band surgery in the last few weeks is it’s not a miracle cure. It doesn’t make you pick the right foods . It doesn’t make you exercise. It doesn’t make you drink enough water. It doesn’t get rid of the temptations that you used to have. It just makes some of the things that used to be easy a little harder and it also makes the things that used to be hard a little easier.

For example – I used to be able to eat piece after piece of KFC. It used to be easy! As Chicken i not something that I can stomach at the moment, regardless of the fact that I drool when there is a commercial or when I drive past our local store and smell the Chicken, I know I can’t eat it unless it’s in a really soft form. It’s (my band) made it easier for me that I can’t have some of the really bad foods I used to like. I also find that I don’t enjoy them as much as I used to. Have you ever chewed a chip 30 times? Try that over and over again and you get kind of sick of the taste and texture after a while. It reminds me something that resembles duck food.

Things that used to be harder that are now easy is that I know when I am full. I can feel it. Something I never used to be able to identify with. And you are advised to not eat for more than half an hour (which I make sure I don’t do) as although you may not feel full after that time, you probably are.

Over the past month, I realised that I lost more before I had my band than what I have since I have had it. I have almost gotten to a point that it’s like now I am under 200 kilograms, I feel ‘acceptable’ to myself and I don’t have to try anymore. It’s the exact opposite. I have to remember my other goals. My goals of losing 50 kilograms this year. Walking for ahlf an hour a day. Drinking my water. Continuing to inspire others around me.

I have actually had one of my friends ‘check up’ on me on Facebook. She has Emailed me a few times asking if I have been walking and drinking. Making me be honest with myself and facing up to what I should be (but am not) doing. I also had an Email from another friend a few days ago saying I am sure you’ve lost stacks o weight since your last blog entry’. Nope. I don’t think I have. I haven’t lost weight but I have lost CMs.

My Mother in Law said the other day how you can see the weight going from my face and girl at work said how good I am looking the other day (even though I was wearing my fat pants).

I have to keep on going.

So, I’ve done a few ‘take 2s and take 3s’ and even though I have a band, I need to realise that these things will still happen although it’s up to me to be honest with myself and remember my goals and where I want to be this time next year.

Admittedly, I didn’t have internet access for a few weeks there (thanks Telstra)so that meat I ouldn’t blog but, I could have walked more. I could have drank more.

In saying that though, I have been making an effort at lunch time to walk around the shopping centre. I have been taking the long way to the train. I have been making an effort. It’s just a matter of fitting that half an hour block in my day. It sounds like I am being hard on myself but I need to be harder.
I also need to train for an event that is coming up – I am planning on walking in the ‘relay for life’ for my Nanna. This is on the 2nd of April (my Nanna’s birthday, funnily enough) and is ran by the Cancer Council. You get a group of 10 – 15 people together to make a group and you walk between the hours of 4pm and 10am the next day. I’ll post all of the details up once I have registered so you can check it out. Any donations are appreciated. If you’re interested in joining my team (and live near me – Melton, Victoria) – get in touch :) the more the merrier. It’s for a fantastic cause and most of us have been touched by Cancer sometime during our lives. IF you can’t walk, make a donation and help the Cancer Council continue their fantastic work. Still tying to think of a team name... the ‘slowdells’ has come to mind as has ‘payneful’. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated :) for more information, go to

I shall continue to blog and update you on my progress. Weigh day tomorrow :/ shall post results.

Goals for this week –
- To plan my meals better
- To incorporate at least half an hour of solid exercise into my day
- To drink my 2 litres of fluid
- To blog every day and even if it hurts, to be honest about my happenings
- And to keep inspiring those around me – that’s something that keeps me going

Until tomorrow xo