A few weeks ago, I had an appointment with a Plastic Surgeon about my Tummy Tuck. I was full of emotions. I was scared, excited, anxious, nervous... there were butterflies in my stomach. When I met the Doctor, I was taken back by his approach and his professionalism. He was eager to help me. He had a look at my fat (my apron) and said that it's 20kg, if not more. He touched it, lifted it and studied it. Although it was daunting, hearing him tell me that it could be removed made me cry and every other single feeling disappeared! He told me that I'd be in hospital for 2 weeks after the surgery, that it would take around 6 hours to perform and that I'd need a subsequent surgery to follow. I booked in tentatively with him but ended up having to cancel purely due to cost and lack of funds.
I cried on and off for hours after I saw him. I cried because I was angry at myself for the fact I let myself get to the position where I have a 20kg bag of skin hanging underneath my belly button, I cried because it can be removed, I cried because I couldn't afford to have it done. It took me most of the afternoon to get to a place where I felt like I could get a grip and stop focusing on the past but concentrate on the future and what it holds for me.
I did some investigating and found another surgeon who could perform the same procedure. I met with him on Friday just gone and it was the biggest waste of time. The experience I had was the complete opposite of the first one and to be honest, I am so pleased that he wasn't the first one I saw as I think that I would have been turned off seeing anyone about removing my fat again. I walked in and from the moment I was in his office, he started on me about having a gastric sleeve. I advised him that I wasn't interested in going down that path. He explained to me that the tummy tuck and the gastric sleeve go hand in hand. I informed him that I am still happy with my band and he questioned how that could be given the fact that the port has flipped for a second time.
He indicated that he didn't believe the lap band was the right type of weight loss surgery for me and continued on about me having a sleeve. I tried to give him an idea of what happened between 2012 and now but it was hard to get a word in. My band hasn't failed me and I haven't failed my band. I've had a few years full of crazy complications that just stopped me from doing what I was doing but now I'm back, better than ever. He didn't seem to believe me nor did he wish to listen to what I had to say. He also suggested that I have just as much control over my weight loss as what I do my sexuality. I hope he didn't see me raise my eyebrows as I did feel myself do it.
He informed me that he believes that my weight loss surgeon had 'poisoned my mind' over having a sleeve and I needed to ask myself why my surgeon isn't performing the sleeve in this day and age. He suggested to me that my band may slip any day now and that I should watch out for that as it could be fatal. I really didn't appreciate the fear that he was trying to instill nor did I appreciate the fact that he was speaking about my surgeon in that manner. Although I had decided that I wasn't going to be seeing him at this point, I asked him what weight he required me to be at before he would perform a tummy tuck. 160kg? 150kg? 140kg? He couldn't give me an answer.
After being handed a brochure about weight loss surgery (not tummy tucks), I paid my money, went to my car and had a cry. I felt like I had just wasted my whole day. I'm glad I didn't have any expectations about the appointment but I didn't for a moment expect that he wouldn't speak to me in detail about what I went there for which was the tummy tuck. He did look at my stomach for about 15 seconds. He acknowledged that it was 'very large' but that was it. I won't be going back although he did invite me to come back after I had my port fixed and after I had lost more weight. He also suggested that next time I come to see him, I try and open my mind about sleeve surgery. That's not something I need right now.
That night, I felt like cake! I could have eaten a WHOLE cake! Out of interest, I looked up how many KJ a Coles chocolate mud cake has. In all honesty, I used to be able to eat half a chocolate mud cake over the space of a few hours. There are 8,862KJ in a WHOLE mud cake! I like my meals to be less than 1100KJ! OMG! I couldn't believe it. Although I was never going to go and get cake, I was convinced never to have cake again! Well maybe not never but never in such a huge quantity! Urgh. Disgusting.
I was very proud of myself on Saturday morning. I didn't set my alarm on Friday night due to the fact I had been crying and I just wanted to wake up naturally. I woke up at 7.35am and felt like going to the gym but remembered Parkrun was on as well. I sent a message to one of my gorgeous friends (Megan) who I know attends asking her where you parked as I'd never been there. She told me and she let me know that you needed to register by 7.50am to participate. I honestly didn't think I'd get there but I DID! Before I knew it, I was on my way! For those of you who aren't familiar with Parkrun, it's a 5km track and each week you try to beat your previous time. It's not a race against anyone else but you.
I had such a great pace going! I had my music blaring, I was going about 5.5km an hour. It was such a gorgeous morning. It wasn't hot or cold and the air was fresh. I really needed a good walk after the day I had before. The people who were running had obviously disappeared into the distance but the way this track works is you go 2.5km up and then you turn around and come back. As the people who were running started to come back, I could see almost each person was talking to me. I took my head phone out to hear what they were saying. People were saying 'well done', 'good on you', 'great work' - just the most wonderful things that just kept me going. I was humbled and felt so blessed to be part of something so amazing.
I was going so well until around the 2km mark, I felt something in my shoes. It felt like little rocks but when I investigated, I noticed that I was getting blisters. I had to keep going. I was in agony. I had about 1km left and I saw someone walking toward me. It was one of my other gorgeous friends, Sylvia. She had come back to make sure I finished it! She had no idea about my blisters but wanted to keep me company. I told her I was struggling and she kept me going. I got to the end and sat down and that's when the blisters filled with fluid! I ended up deciding to go to the Podiatrist a few hours later and she drained them. I'm not allowed to do anything for a week and I've bought some new socks which I've been told are blister proof by more than one person - find them here if you'd like - https://www.steigen.com.au/ and I can't wait to try them out! If you'd like to look at doing a Parkrun, check out this website to see if there is one near you - https://www.parkrun.com/ I can't wait to do my next one but not for at least another week :)
|Yay! All done!|
|Being handed my finished token|
|Almost at the finish line!|
|OMG my feet were KILLING right about here!|
|This was the shot that Parkrun took. I love it. I was actually jogging in this shot (I did jog for a bit of Parkrun but not all of it).|
|Strawberry Daiquiri :)|
|It was lovely weather on the cruise. I'm not a sun baker as it isn't safe but I do think I ended up with a bit of a cruise glow!|
|Running on the running track on the boat. Behind me is Eden, NSW.|
|The gym on the boat was awesome! There wasn't a lot of equipment but the view made up for it.|
|My gorgeous twinnies <3 i="">3>|
|The green track is the running track that goes around the top deck. It's 200 meters. I did 4km.|
|Pacific Jewel. There's no one around as it's first thing in the morning! Most people are still in bed!|