Monday, March 5, 2018

Cruises, plastic surgery, blisters and cake!

I wish I had started writing this a few weeks ago but I'm still making the mistake of forgetting to update my blog given the fact I am constantly updating my Facebook and Instagram!  

A few weeks ago, I had an appointment with a Plastic Surgeon about my Tummy Tuck.  I was full of emotions.  I was scared, excited, anxious, nervous... there were butterflies in my stomach.  When I met the Doctor, I was taken back by his approach and his professionalism.  He was eager to help me.  He had a look at my fat (my apron) and said that it's 20kg, if not more.  He touched it, lifted it and studied it.  Although it was daunting, hearing him tell me that it could be removed made me cry and every other single feeling disappeared!  He told me that I'd be in hospital for 2 weeks after the surgery, that it would take around 6 hours to perform and that I'd need a subsequent surgery to follow.  I booked in tentatively with him but ended up having to cancel purely due to cost and lack of funds.

I cried on and off for hours after I saw him.  I cried because I was angry at myself for the fact I let myself get to the position where I have a 20kg bag of skin hanging underneath my belly button, I cried because it can be removed, I cried because I couldn't afford to have it done.  It took me most of the afternoon to get to a place where I felt like I could get a grip and stop focusing on the past but concentrate on the future and what it holds for me.  

I did some investigating and found another surgeon who could perform the same procedure.  I met with him on Friday just gone and it was the biggest waste of time.  The experience I had was the complete opposite of the first one and to be honest, I am so pleased that he wasn't the first one I saw as I think that I would have been turned off seeing anyone about removing my fat again.  I walked in and from the moment I was in his office, he started on me about having a gastric sleeve.  I advised him that I wasn't interested in going down that path.  He explained to me that the tummy tuck and the gastric sleeve go hand in hand.  I informed him that I am still happy with my band and he questioned how that could be given the fact that the port has flipped for a second time.  

He indicated that he didn't believe the lap band was the right type of weight loss surgery for me and continued on about me having a sleeve.  I tried to give him an idea of what happened between 2012 and now but it was hard to get a word in.  My band hasn't failed me and I haven't failed my band.  I've had a few years full of crazy complications that just stopped me from doing what I was doing but now I'm back, better than ever.  He didn't seem to believe me nor did he wish to listen to what I had to say.  He also suggested that I have just as much control over my weight loss as what I do my sexuality.  I hope he didn't see me raise my eyebrows as I did feel myself do it.

He informed me that he believes that my weight loss surgeon had 'poisoned my mind' over having a sleeve and I needed to ask myself why my surgeon isn't performing the sleeve in this day and age.  He suggested to me that my band may slip any day now and that I should watch out for that as it could be fatal.  I really didn't appreciate the fear that he was trying to instill nor did I appreciate the fact that he was speaking about my surgeon in that manner.  Although I had decided that I wasn't going to be seeing him at this point, I asked him what weight he required me to be at before he would perform a tummy tuck.  160kg?  150kg?  140kg?  He couldn't give me an answer.

After being handed a brochure about weight loss surgery (not tummy tucks), I paid my money, went to my car and had a cry.  I felt like I had just wasted my whole day.  I'm glad I didn't have any expectations about the appointment but I didn't for a moment expect that he wouldn't speak to me in detail about what I went there for which was the tummy tuck.  He did look at my stomach for about 15 seconds.  He acknowledged that it was 'very large' but that was it.  I won't be going back although he did invite me to come back after I had my port fixed and after I had lost more weight.  He also suggested that next time I come to see him, I try and open my mind about sleeve surgery.  That's not something I need right now.  

That night, I felt like cake!  I could have eaten a WHOLE cake!  Out of interest, I looked up how many KJ a Coles chocolate mud cake has.  In all honesty, I used to be able to eat half a chocolate mud cake over the space of a few hours.  There are 8,862KJ in a WHOLE mud cake!  I like my meals to be less than 1100KJ!  OMG!  I couldn't believe it.  Although I was never going to go and get cake, I was convinced never to have cake again!  Well maybe not never but never in such a huge quantity!  Urgh.  Disgusting.

I was very proud of myself on Saturday morning.  I didn't set my alarm on Friday night due to the fact I had been crying and I just wanted to wake up naturally.  I woke up at 7.35am and felt like going to the gym but remembered Parkrun was on as well.  I sent a message to one of my gorgeous friends (Megan) who I know attends asking her where you parked as I'd never been there.  She told me and she let me know that you needed to register by 7.50am to participate.  I honestly didn't think I'd get there but I DID!  Before I knew it, I was on my way!  For those of you who aren't familiar with Parkrun, it's a 5km track and each week you try to beat your previous time.  It's not a race against anyone else but you.  

I had such a great pace going!  I had my music blaring, I was going about 5.5km an hour.  It was such a gorgeous morning.  It wasn't hot or cold and the air was fresh.  I really needed a good walk after the day I had before.  The people who were running had obviously disappeared into the distance but the way this track works is you go 2.5km up and then you turn around and come back.  As the people who were running started to come back, I could see almost each person was talking to me.  I took my head phone out to hear what they were saying.  People were saying 'well done', 'good on you', 'great work' - just the most wonderful things that just kept me going.  I was humbled and felt so blessed to be part of something so amazing.

I was going so well until around the 2km mark, I felt something in my shoes.  It felt like little rocks but when I investigated, I noticed that I was getting blisters.  I had to keep going.  I was in agony.  I had about 1km left and I saw someone walking toward me.  It was one of my other gorgeous friends, Sylvia.  She had come back to make sure I finished it!  She had no idea about my blisters but wanted to keep me company.  I told her I was struggling and she kept me going.  I got to the end and sat down and that's when the blisters filled with fluid!  I ended up deciding to go to the Podiatrist a few hours later and she drained them.  I'm not allowed to do anything for a week and I've bought some new socks which I've been told are blister proof by more than one person - find them here if you'd like - and I can't wait to try them out!  If you'd like to look at doing a Parkrun, check out this website to see if there is one near you - I can't wait to do my next one but not for at least another week :)

Yay!  All done!

Being handed my finished token

Almost at the finish line!

Nearly there!

OMG my feet were KILLING right about here!

This was the shot that Parkrun took.  I love it.  I was actually jogging in this shot (I did jog for a bit of Parkrun but not all of it).

I went on a Cruise in February.  It was a 4 night Cruise to Eden.  I was SO proud of myself that I didn't over indulge and I exercised whilst I was on it!  I used the gym and the day that the gym was really busy, I ran around on the running track.  It was important to me that I kept up my routine as I didn't want to be out of it.  I did have a few treats - I had three cocktails throughout the cruise, 2 slices of pizza, a very small slice of chocolate cake and a small chocolate tart.  I wasn't going to deprive myself but I didn't over indulge and I don't feel guilty for anything that I had.  It's easy to make the right choices on a cruise it's just a matter of doing so!  The good food is there but you've just got to want it! 

Strawberry Daiquiri :)

It was lovely weather on the cruise.  I'm not a sun baker as it isn't safe but I do think I ended up with a bit of a cruise glow!

Running on the running track on the boat.  Behind me is Eden, NSW.

The gym on the boat was awesome!  There wasn't a lot of equipment but the view made up for it.

My gorgeous twinnies <3 i="">

The green track is the running track that goes around the top deck.  It's 200 meters.  I did 4km.

Pacific Jewel.  There's no one around as it's first thing in the morning!  Most people are still in bed!

Other than a few blisters that are holding me back for a week and a plastic surgery brick wall, things are fantastic.  I am so pleased with how they are going.  I'm continuing to eat well, I am losing weight, I am still motivated and am still on track.  I'm 132 days into my new (well, not so new) lifestyle and I can't see myself turning back anytime soon.  

I weighed in on the 1.2.2018 at 174.8kg.  I've lost 22.9kg and I couldn't be happier.  I've been working hard but I know I can work harder.  I hope to be under 170kg by April.  I haven't been that light since 2011.  I would be ecstatic to be there again.  Bring it on :) 

Sunday, February 11, 2018

My pending tummy tuck appointment

Before I start, I would just like to give an advance warning that I am going to be talking about my 'fatty apron' or 'overhang' or 'lower stomach' or whatever you like to call it.  I refer to it as 'my fat' and although I haven't written it yet, this may be uncomfortable for some readers to read so if you're not into reading about a topic such as this, I suggest you click right here where you're be redirected to a picture of a beautiful Pug laying on a pink blanket.

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you know I say it how it is and provide an honest, real life account of my life.  This topic is no different but for some reason I find it a little more touchy to speak about.  I'm not sure why. 

As I have lost more weight, my fat has started to hang down more.  As I've mentioned in one of my previous blogs, it's almost down to my knees.  I can't stand it.  It stops me from doing a lot of things.  Sitting normally doesn't happen as it has to sit between my legs, I don't have a lap as my fat takes up my lap, I can't wear jeans as there is no way they would fit over my pat and when I wear pants, I am so self conscious of it as I know it looks awful.  It's very heavy (anywhere between 15kg - 20kg) and I feel like I'm dragging it around. 

I have an appointment on Tuesday to see a plastic surgeon about getting it removed.  I made this appointment some months ago as I wanted to lose a bit more weight before I saw him.  I have no idea what he's going to recommend or suggest but I am nervous all the same.  The thought of standing in front of someone to show them my fat freaks me out a bit and although I know that he does this for a living and has seen lots and lots of fat, this is my fat and is on me!  

I'm sure that it's obvious that I am not considering this type of surgery for any other reason than medical reasons.  I've been in hospital before with cellulitis because of a sore on my fat.  I was in there for 12 days and I almost died due to blood poisoning.  When I see the surgeon, I'll chat to him about some of my future thoughts such as my inner thighs and my under arms.  As you can imagine, when someone has lost as much weight as I have, your skin sags.  I look like a melted candle when I'm standing in front of the mirror naked!  Whilst I have taken photos, I will only share them once I've had my surgery.  Whilst I love putting everything out there - this is one thing I am embarrassed and ashamed of.  Happy to share pics where you can't see everything even if you can see the outline of things.  

I'm in a tummy tuck group on Facebook and the girls in there have been fantastic and have offered me lots of support, advice and insight into what they have been through but the only problem is I haven't been able to find anyone in that group who has fat as big as mine but it's interesting to hear that many of the girls in the group have said that the pain after they had their tummy tuck was no where near as bad as what having a C-Section was which is comforting to know.  I also know that he will examine my fat, measure it and look at what it does when I'm laying down flat on my back.  

Me being me, I naturally catostrophise and think of every possible scineario (good or bad) for every situation!  I may go in there and he'll tell me that there is nothing he can do until I've lost another x amount of kilograms or he may tell me he can operate next month.  Only time will tell.  I shall write an update on Tuesday!

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Dear bully

Dear bully,

You and your group of minions have been on my mind a lot lately.  I know it's been over 20 years since I saw you but there's not a day that goes past when I don't think of you and what your crew put me through.  Whether that be because of an article I read about the long term impacts of bullying or because I see the hurt in the eyes of my daughter when she comes home from school after being ostracized by a group of 9 year old 'mean girls', you seem to enter my mind more often than I would like.  I'm hoping that after I've written this letter that stops.

Although this letter is to you, I am also addressing your sheep.  The ones that weren't brave enough to stand up to you when you treated others like shit.  For obvious reasons, I won't name and shame but you're either A). reading this feeling really proud that you've managed to stay under my skin for so long, B). reading this and feeling remorseful and resentful and are ashamed of the things you're doing or C). not reading as you've moved on with your life and you probably wouldn't even remember my name.  My guess is it's 'C' as you would't remember my name as you never called me by my name - you always referred to me as 'fatty boom ba' or 'fat bitch'.

I actually spoke about you today to my best friend.  We were discussing the impacts of bullying and this is where your name came up.  I googled your name to find out what you're up to these days.  I find it interesting that you didn't become the successful television actress that you aspired to be but ended up behind the camera instead.  I find it interesting that you have written articles about a topic that I feel very strongly about - marriage equality.  I like to think that we have one thing in common that we want everyone to belong and treated as an equal.  I read your article with interest and I'm impressed with your use of vocabulary.  This was not a skill I knew you had given the fact that you only used a few words to describe me - ones that many mastered in Kindergarten and didn't feel the need to use so frequently as you did once they became an adolescent.  

Through my stalking skills, I have discovered that you research social and cultural norms in our society (past and present) and have written some captivating pieces full of long words like the ones that are scattered amongst the pages of my University text books (the ones that I am too afraid to admit I don't know the meaning of so I quickly google them to ensure no one identifies my flaws) and I see you've won prizes for your achievements and dedication.  You should be proud.  I found a photo of you.  You haven't changed a bit.  Whilst I don't want to sound like a bully and therefore a hypocrite, I do want to make mention that your nostrils are still rather large.  I remember how they would flare open to the point where I would wonder how many sultanas I could fit up them.  It's amazing the things that went through my mind when you were centimeters away from my face reminding me of how fat and worthless I was and this is why I had no friends.  

I want you to know that you put me through hell.  I want you to know how hard it was for me to come to school every day.  I want you to know that I have a permanent indent around my stomach from where I used to wear a belt in order to try and make a waste.  I would tighten it so hard that my skin would be itchy, red and blistery at the end of the day but at least when I put my hands on my waist, it would look as though I wasn't as fat as I was  I want you to know that I wouldn't eat my lunch because of you.  I thought this would make me skinnier.  I tried the whole vomiting thing as well but that wasn't for me. 

I wanted you to know that when I think about the time you locked me off the bus because if I was let on I would 'pop the tyres', I can feel my eyes sting when I try to hold back the tears.  If that wasn't bad enough, I can still remember the time when you asked the class to sing 'I feel the earth move under my feet' through the little bus windows as I headed to the office to call my mother to pick me up.  I failed the assignment that we were supposed to do as I never saw the play we were supposed to review.  In fact, it wasn't long after that I left that school.  

I've been bullied before but what you subjected me to was disgusting.  I don't even have words for it.  It was torture . You seemed to tap away at me bit by bit until I broke.  Perhaps if I'd broken sooner you wouldn't have kept going but because I was advised to ignore you or not to react to you as this is the only way it would stop.  I didn't react to you and I did ignore you but you were relentless.  You just kept on going and going and going.  And how I wish I had my time again where I would just tell you to shut the fuck up and just stop but I can't do that as the time has passed so I need to find a way of moving on and this is where this letter comes into play.

You and your friends are part of the reason I am who I am today.  You are the reason why I stick up for myself when someone is nasty to me or makes an unnecessary comment about my weight because I should have done it when I had the chance.  You are the reason I need to have at least 10 come backs stored up in my mind just in case some smart ass shouts something to me from their car window as I walk down the street because your constant taunts and bullying silenced me and I didn't know what to say.  You are the reason I turn Carole King off when I hear her song on the radio because I only hear your voice when it comes on the radio.  You're also one of the reasons I'm too scared to go to a school reunion.  You are the reason I'll never stand by and let someone do what you did to me.  

As hard as it is for me to say this and even though I've deleted and rewritten this sentence a good twenty times, I forgive you for the way you treated me and I'm hoping that I can also forget.  One thing I've learnt about bullies over my time is that they bully others because of their own insecurities.  Now that I'm older and wiser, I can only guess what yours were and I'm sorry for whatever you were going through at the time that made you feel as though you could treat me the way you did.  From what I found out about you today, it seems as though you were able to turn around whatever was eating at you as a teenager into something good and I hope that has made you into a better person.  I don't wish you any harm nor would I ever wish what you did to me on you but I do believe in karma and when your karma comes, I hope you think of me just like I have thought of you.


Sunday, January 7, 2018

Keepin' it real

I've always been honest about my weight loss journey and like everything, with the highs come the lows and today I was feeling low.  Why am I sharing this here?  Because I'm only human and I can't expect to always feel like a Superhero.  To be honest, sometimes I wish I could wake up at my ideal weight and not have to go through all of this.  I find inspiration from posts from some of the amazing people I follow on Instagram, especially their before and afters but it's important for me to remember that they didn't look like their after without putting in the hard yards.  I'm 76 days into this journey.  I've lost 13.8kg in that time and I lost 22cm in the last month and i have lost 59.1kg since my journey began!  I've done an amazing job.  I focus on how far I've come rather than how far I've got to go and I'm not feeling shitty because I've got so far to go - I'm feeling shitty simply because that's okay!

Until tonight, I hadn't exercised until Wednesday which for me is a big deal.  I try and get to the gym at least 5 times a week and when I try and justify it by saying 'this week I haven't had the chance', in the back of my mind I hear myself saying 'excuses don't burn calories'.

I planned on doing ParkRun on Saturday (yesterday) but it was too hot.  I am going to do it this Saturday instead.  I was a bit grumpy about it and didn't feel like doing anything yesterday except for keeping cool as it was 42 degrees.

I ended up going out for a walk with the dogs and the kids tonight.  It was nice to get out and get some fresh air.  I didn't walk as far as I wanted to (anyone with dogs who like to sniff everything would get why!) but at least I got out of the house and moved!  

My eating hasn't been bad but it hasn't been good.  Let's put it this way - I wouldn't have put weight on from what I've eaten over the past few days.  I've still stayed under my calories but I haven't had nearly as much fresh food as what I normally have and my water intake has been really bad!

So this week, my goal is to exercise at least 5 times for an hour each time (this is doable as this is what I normally do!) and I'll ensure my food is on point along with my water intake.  I will put in everything I have got during my PT session with Ivan on Tuesday.  I shall suck it up, put on my big girl panties and continue my journey and work my butt off to achieve my goals.  I shall allow myself to feel annoyed and whingy if that's what I need to do so long as I don't let it get in the way of what I want to achieve!  

Thursday, December 28, 2017

A month goes by so fast!

Once again, I had no idea I had abandoned my blog for so long!  I have so much to catch up on!

Where to start?  Firstly, I have continued to stick to my clean eating lifestyle.  It's been 66 days since I started and I haven't looked back.  I saw my weight loss surgeon last week (Jason Winnett).  Jason advised me I haven't seen him for 2 years.  It was great to catch up with him and let him know how I'm tracking.  He was impressed that I had quit sugar and that I was giving my struggle with weight loss another push.  He weighed me (my scales are 1kg out in comparison to his) and wrote out a slip for me to go and have .5ml in my band.  I'll do that in mid January.  As I said, I don't have much fill in at all which means I've been doing it on my own (well, mostly).  He also wrote me another referral to see the Plastic Surgeon.  I'm seeing him in February next year and I can't wait to hear what he has to say (more on that in a moment).  I am seeing Jason at the end of January.  I am aiming to lose as much as I can in that time.  Now that Christmas is over, I have a fighting chance! 

Christmas fruit platter
Jason said that he believes my fat (fatty apron/overhang - whatever you call it but I call it fat!) weighs anywhere between 15 - 20kg.  He was surprised to hear that I am able to do as much as I can with it.  I can't wait for it to go as it really impacts my mobility.  It is almost down to my knees and has dropped so much more in the last few years.  It doesn't hurt my back unless I am standing for long periods of time.  It is also very heavy.  I don't mind answering questions about it so if you have any, fire away.  Someone asked me the other day how I do stuff at the gym with it.  I just do.  When I'm using the bike or the leg press, it just 'sits' between my legs.  I've started wearing bike pants under all of my clothes which helps secure it a bit.  I know some people when they have plastic surgery feel quite sad about it as it's part of them.  I don't feel like this is part of me.  It's the aftermath of excessive weight gain and then loss.  It's an inconvenience and a hassle and aside from all of the practical things I'll be able to do (cross my legs like a lady, use the exercise bike, not have to worry about checking it every day for sores), I'll be able to wear jeans and pants!  At the moment, jeans won't go over it.  Elasticated loose pants do but they look awful.  I haven't worn pants anywhere other than the gym since I took that photo of myself at the gym when I first started back.  I am very conscious of it.

I did have a few days off over Christmas but in saying that I didn't exceed my calorie intake.  I am the first to admit that I am NOT perfect and last night I was craving pizza so I ordered some.  I had a slice which is good for me as I didn't have the whole thing but what I've come to learn is that it's okay to have a piece of pizza - it's not okay to eat the whole thing!  Everything in moderation and there is no guilt associated with my choice.  It wasn't an emotional choice, it was simply because I wanted it and because I could!  

I've continued to see my personal trainer (Ivan) every week.  I didn't see him on Boxing Day but I'll get right back into it in the New Year.  I've also continued to go the gym at least 5 times a week.  I headed back there today for the first time since before Christmas and I can't tell you how much I missed it.  It was great to be back and continue to smash my goals.  I went on the cross trainer today and managed to get 1.06km in 10 minutes - one of my first recorded efforts back on the 31.10.2017 was .71km in 10 minutes.  I am kicking goals.

Me at the gym today - 28.12.2017
One of my sessions with Ivan
Another of my sessions with Ivan.  This one was a killer!

Recently I've discovered the joy in not giving a f*ck about what others think.  I find it liberating to head to the gym in bike pants because I know I'll be more comfortable rather than wearing tracksuit pants simply to cover up for Joe Blow because I'm worried about offending them.  So the other day when I was at the beach and didn't have a towel or any spare clothes and the twins wanted me to swim with them, I thought 'f*ck it' and stripped down to my underwear and went out in the water with them!  They loved every minute of it and I embraced being able to have that moment with them.  I normally watch from the sidelines which isn't like me when it comes to water.  I'm over being alive but not living.  I am so pleased that I can see that is slowly changing.  This is because I am starting to feel better about myself and why shouldn't I?  I've lost almost 60kg since I began my weight loss journey back in 2010 but I've lost 10.3kg in the last 3 months.  I'm very pleased with my results.  I'd love for others to stop worrying about what people think and start living for themselves rather than living for others.  Like that top?  Buy it.  Want to wear those pants?  Wear them.  If you'r'e comfortable in them, why not?  Want to go swimming?  Do it!  Stop letting the thoughts of others worry you.  We are only here once - live your life the fullest with no regrets.

Beach with my babies - 26.12.2017
Whilst I have the floor at the moment, I wanted to touch on something that really grinds my gears!  People who don't let those who have had weight loss surgery be proud of their achievements.  These sorts of people have no idea of the weight loss journey that belongs to someone who has undergone surgery.  I know for me it was something I HAD to have or else I would have died.  I am a member of a Facebook weight loss group where if you have had weight loss surgery, your success isn't celebrated the same way as what the loss of other's is.  If you dare post about your success and someone questions you on if you've had weight loss surgery or not and you answer yes, your post is removed and quit often you will be as well.  I sent an email to the 'powers that be' (the ones who run the group) sharing my story and asking them to allow those who have had weight loss surgery to be able to feel good about their achievements rather than shaming or silencing them but I am still waiting for an acceptable response.  They are obviously ignorant into the work that myself and others have to put in even after having surgery.  Having surgery will only do so much - it's the diet, exercise and tears that does the rest.  I go to the gym just as much (if not more) than someone who hasn't had weight loss surgery!  I'm also losing less than some people who haven't had weight loss surgery!  How does my surgery give me an advantage over others AND prevent me from being able to share my success with others.  I shall write more about this in the coming weeks as it's something that makes my blood boil!  

2018 is around the corner - I want to wish every single one of you good health, love and happiness.  

See you on the other side <3 3="" font="">

Saturday, November 25, 2017

What an awesome week!

It's been a fantastic week!  I didn't realise that I hadn't blogged for quite a while.  I think it's because I update Facebook and Instragram daily that I forget about my blog.  Where was I up to...

I haven't blocked since last Thursday night.  So much has happened since then!  I'm still going strong with my eating and exercise.  As an emotional eater, I have dreaded the first time that I got stressed and felt like eating my feelings.  I had my first test the other day where I got a bit stressed and felt like I could demolish a whopper with cheese (actually, a quadruple whopper with cheese!).  I drove past Hungry Jacks without a second thought and took a huge bite of my apple!  Although I didn't think I would have gone there, I know I would occasionally stop there on the way home from work to have a sneaky burger without the kids knowing. 

I've made sure that on a work day that I pack an piece of fruit to eat on the way home as if I have this, I am not hungry when I walk in the door and don't snack whilst making dinner.  It's small changes like this that I have introduced that help keep me going and allow me to stick to my plan.

I went for a walk/run with the twins last week.  They have never seen me run!  I had my couch to 5k app going and when it asked me to run, I did!  The twins were on their bikes and they turned around and saw me.  They started laughing before asking me what I was doing.  I told them that I was running and once they realised I was serious (and stopped calling me the park monster), they each took turns riding their bikes next to me.  The park near me has a big hill and a cricket ground and there were kids training on it and their parents were all sitting on the side watching.  When I was about 20 meters away from the cricket club, my app said 'start running'.  So I did.  For a moment I was hesitant as I know that a fat person running can be something quite curious but I thought 'f*ck it' and did it anyway.  I couldn't tell you if anyone was looking nor could I tell you if anyone cared.  I was running, staring at the ground (so I didn't fall flat on my face!) with my 9 year old son beside me and right at that very moment, I was so proud.  

I headed to the gym on Saturday an did lots of weights as this is something that I haven't been incorperating over the last few weeks.  It's so important that I do.  I bought some gloves to wear whilst doing them as my hands get so sweaty and I lose grip.  That is asking for trouble!  I'm sure people are sick of seeing my sweaty selfies but I am actually quite impressed at how sweaty I get after a work out!  I purposely avoid wearing dark tops so that I can see how hard I've worked when the front is all soaked!  I know, I know - I'm strange but it is very satisfying!  

Yes, I was pulling silly faces on purpose :P

I was very pleased with myself when I had my offical weigh day on Monday where i had lost .08kg which bought me down to 191.5kg (I was 192.3kg the week prior) but I was even MORE pleased when I weighed myself on Wednesday to find that I had managed to sneak out of the 190's - I WAS 189KG!  I NEVER want to see the 190's again.  Ever, ever, EVER!  I am also setting myself a goal to see the 170's by the end of the new year.  I am hoping that I can do it (and will do everything I can to get there).  Monday falls on the 1st of January 2018 and I would LOVE to stand on those scales and be in the 170's.  Even if I was 179.9kg, I would be ecstatic.  This is my new goal :)

Goodbye 190s!

I started seeing a new personal trainer last week - his name is Ivan.  Ivan has been teaching my kids basketball for the last 12 months or so and I've been impressed with the way he encourages them and makes them feel good about what they are doing.  I was wrapped when I saw that he also does personal training so I had my first session on Tuesday.  For 60 minutes, he put me through my paces and every single inch of my body felt it!  He filmed bits and pieces of the session (with my permission of course!) and I must admit that I find it really hard to watch it all!  The reason being is when I am running in the video, I feel like I am going 20kmph but I actually look like a turtle!  I worked my BUTT off during that session and I hope it shows.  I have shared clips of it on my FB page - but I took this photo from the video as my face is a mixture of sheer determination, pain and OMG I'm going to die!  I know it's not the most flattering of photos but it's one that I look on with pride.  

I am going to back to see him on Monday (I'm really looking forward to it).  Ivan runs basketball clinics along with basketball parties!  He's based Melton and I highly recommend him (even if he does inflict pain on myself and others!).  Check out his page here -

I had a rest day on Friday and although I could have gone to the gym (my body clock is a bit stupid lately and I wake up at 4!), I decided not to so that my ankle could have a rest but I have been every single day and even went this morning where I managed to get some swimming in before the swim school started (I quickly got out of the pool so I didn't have to do so in front of all the kiddies!).  

So next week I shall keep doing what I've been doing for the last month - eating well, exercising and drinking water (it sounds simple when I say it like that!).  I also want to check out a thing called mPort.  I'm not sure if you've heard of them but it's where you go an get a scan of your body.  They use infared technology to scan your body and it is able to tell you things about your measurements.  Height, weight, biceps, chest, hips, waist, thighs - you name it, it measures it.  It then generates a 3D avatar which you store on app so when you attend the pod next time, you can compare how well you've done!  Check it out - and let me know if you've used one!  I'd love to hear about it.  I may (or may not!) share my avatar with the world when I get it done!

I am going to be planning Christmas treats over the next few days as well.  Christmas at my place this year will look very different to those in the past.  I bought a magazine today to have a flick through and I'll also check out some books at the library.  I'm really looking forward to what sort of things I can come up with this year so my children don't get a crazy sugar high!  If you have any nice recipes, send them through!  I'd love to check them out.

I wanted to thank everyone again for their support and encouragement over the last few weeks.  It is so nice to hear how I am inspiring others to make a difference in their lives.  Knowing that people have started running because they've seen me do it or the fact they have gone into the pool for the first time in years because they have seen I can is very humbling.  I am so blessed to have amazing people in my life.  You can do anything you put your mind to - mind over matter.  Yes, it CAN be hard but it is worth it.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

The humble Coles sponge cake ;)

I didn't realise I hadn't blogged in almost a week!  Don't worry - I'm still sticking at it and I've been around on my Facebook page and my Instagram but I need to remember to update here as well!  My Facebook page is and my Instagram user ID is @movingforwardlookingforward

I've had a productive week.  I have stuck to my gym days ensuring that I went on each day except for the days that I work but I'm still yet to work out where to fit in the extra gym session.  I'm thinking Friday or Wednesday morning (it just depends when I can stomach getting up at 4.30am!).

I went for a swim early Saturday morning.  I did laps and also did lots of squats and lunges (I find this hard to do when I'm not in the water) but really enjoy the weightless feeling that water brings.  

On Sunday, I decided to get back into the couch to 5k app.  For those of you who aren't familiar with it, it's an app that gradually introduces running into your routine and says that you'll be off the couch and running 5k in 28 days!  Hmmm, I don't imagine they suspected that a 192kg woman would take up the challenge!  I don't think I'll be running 5k in 28 days but I am giving it my all when I do it.  I've ran 4 times this week and can do around 40 seconds each time (it's interval training).  When I do it, I feel strong, centered and in the zone.  I had a girl running next to me on Monday who acknowledged how well I was doing claiming that she isn't able to run.  I challenge anyone who says they can't do something to give it a shot (obviously if there are no medical reasons for not having a go and no, laziness and having a strong sense of the CBF factor).  

I weighed myself on Monday. I weighed in at 192.3kg and I was 194.4kg the week before.  That's a loss of 2.1kg.  I'm very pleased with that and considering my food was on point as was my exercise (and that I hadn't lost anything the week before), I didn't expect any less!  I hope for the same results on Monday.  

I have eaten so well this week.  I haven't done so well with my water but I have been under my calories each day and have been able to enjoy creamy pastas, sausage bake, stove top lasagna and lots of snacks in between!  The kids have continued to adapt well to not having sugar and I'm still enjoying it and feeling amazing because of it which brings me to my blog title.  I was in Coles tonight and I walked past the $5 Coles iced sponge cake (the one with jam).  I looked at it and was amazed that not even 4 weeks ago I would have picked it up and put it in my basket (especially because it was the last one there!) to divulge tonight and have any that is left over tomorrow.  On the other side, there were some salted caramel fudge slices that I used to love buying. I confess to eating both of the slices in one sitting on more than one occasion but I felt so proud that I no longer do that.  It's not to say that I'll never have food like this again but I am not in a hurry to do so at all.  I'm enjoying the feeling I have at the moment way too much to give it up for something as stupid as a sponge cake which never had enough jam on it anyway!

My FitBit shows that my resting heart rate has gone down again in the last week.  I now have a resting heart rate of 58 beats per minute (BPM) and when I started focusing on my eating and exercise again, it was at 66BPM.  It's gone down almost 10BPM in a few weeks which is amazing.  I am going to have a blood test tomorrow to see where I'm at with other things internally.  I'll be tested for liver function, diabetes, thyroid issues and cholesterol and I'll be retested again in 3 months or so just to see how things are going.  I have always had very good results in the past when I Have had these blood tests so I hope that there are no surprises.  

I've booked into see the plastic surgeon in February 2018.  I'm quite nervous about it to be honest but look forward to hearing what the Doctor has to say.  I hope to have lost a further 18kg before I see them as I recall that is what Dr Winnett said I would have to do before I could be operated on to have my lower stomach removed.  I don't think I'll know myself once it's gone.  I'm really looking forward to what I'll be able to achieve once I'm no longer trapped by it.

As always, I'm so grateful for everyone's support xo it's fantastic to have so many wonderful people surround me on this journey.