Friday, December 16, 2011

Giving up Chocolate... hmmm... didn't go so well...

I did try.  And I did really well for a few days.  But, I admit to having some Chocolate.  No where near as much as what I normally would have had but, I ended up giving in.  And my moment of weakness could be identified... we had training on quite a dull topic at work.  I had a chocolate eclair lolly and then I ended up having a few squares of fruit and nut.

In our team at work, we have a 'food table' and that's in the other row from me so I am not tempted and there has been chocolate on the table for most of the week.  It's good that it's over the other side and that I can't get to it but on this particular day, our Team Leader ever so thoughfully bought the Chocolate in to our training room.  I probably would have stayed strong had I have not been so bored! 

Today I finished up work for the rest of the year.  It is an awesome feeling to know that I am not going back until we re open on the 3rd of January 2012!  I have been feeling awesome in the past month.  I have been putting in quite a few hours, doing Overtime when it's avilable and haven't had a sick day in almost 2 months.  I'm feeling rather healthy although I am still only doing half of what I should.  That's why the next 19 days is going to be good.  I am going to make the effort to exercise EVERY DAY without fail (the only day I might not is Christmas day due to the fact it's so hectic!).  I am really hoping to get under 160kg before I go back to work.  I'll weigh myself tomorrow morning to see what I am (I think I'm hovering around the 169kg mark).  It would be great to be able to do that well.  And I will be able to do that with hard work and commitment.

I have so much to do in the next week.  So much cooking, cleaning, organising, wrapping and shopping left to do.  The lead up to Christmas is such a busy time but, like I've said in a few posts, I'm really looking forward to it.  I am blessed to be spending it with my wonderful family. 

I'm off to bed - it seems as though the 5 or 5:30am starts and late finihes have caught up with me!  Shall write more over the weekend.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

No chocolate so far for 13 hours and 44 minutes and counting

I haven't had any Chocolate for 13 hours and 44 minutes - well, more if you count the time I spent sleeping it would be more than that.

I bought myself some apple purree (baby food!) and had 2 servings of that - I need to be careful as there are around 200kj per serve. 

Around lunch time, I had a headache.  When I came back upstairs, I gave Daniel all of my Chocolate.  I had some chocolate cake rolls (weight watchers) stashed in my bottom drawer from yesterday.  I also gave him the remainder of my chocolate ball things that I handed out with my Christmas cards.  Anything chocolate that was unopened was given to him.  I have kept my milo at my desk (I don't yet see this as a risk) and my Optifast shakes and Sustagen drinks don't count (yes, they are chocolate but they are a different kind).  Thank you, Daniel :)

I still haven't done any exercise - I still don't have any energy as such as I've been so busy.  I have been getting a lot of fresh air and making sure I have my afternoon dose of Sunshine in the afternoon.

So, day 1 of no Chocolate is nearly over :) and I'm quite pleased with my efforts.  I don't plan on giving up Chocolate forever - I just hope to have it in smaller quantities.  I might go to bed early so I don't have to battle my normal later on in the night cravings :)

Monday, December 5, 2011

My weakness :/

I'm a Chocolate addict.  There.  I said it.

I hate to think how much weight I would have lost if I didn't eat Chocolate.  I guess I need to think of the positives about how much weight I have lost as a result of giving up my chocolates. 

Take today for example.  I got up, had a Coffee and went to work (I caught the 6.23am train).  I walked into Coles and bought 3 packets of chocolate biscuits . I went upstairs and took one chocolate biscuit from each packet, put them on the 'team table' and Emailed my team to let them know they were there.  They eventually went (I think!) and the biscuits were no longer a temptation for me.  I then decided that I wanted chocolate muffins or cupcakes.  We have a shop called the cupcake bakery downstairs from us.  Each cupcake is something like $5 so rather than doing that, I went to Coles and bought a packet of chocolate cupcakes.  I ate one (barely as they were SO sweet) and donated the rest to the team.  Brendan did offer to take my purse so I couldn't buy anymore but I kindly declined the offer and didn't buy any more chocolate for the rest of the day other than the ones that I am going to put on my Christmas cards.

I have been promised a piece of Christmas Cake tomorrow from one of my colleagues so, this will be my only treat for the day.

I have been told from a reliable source that apples will do the same as chocolate.  I am going to test out this theory tomorrow.  I am going to stop by Coles on the way to work and buy some apple sauce (as I can't eat apples) and I shall see if this works.  I shall check back and let you know :)

I planned our Christmas menu today.  I am SO excited :) I have found some of the yummiest things to cook.  I won't be able to eat most of it but I love cooking and I love it when people enjoy my food.  I am really looking forward to Christmas this year.  I am going to get some of my Christmas cards done tonight. 

Sure, I may cop a bit for confessing to my chocolate addiction but, like I've said a few times throughout my blog, this is an honest account of what I am going through.  And chocolate is not the only reason I am fat or got to my heaviest weight!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Monday.  I certainly did :) I'm loving life and I'm on such a great path at the moment.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

The end to an awesome week

I've had an amazing weekend.  It's been one that I won't forget for a while.

I actually had to search back through my blog to find something I wrote at a very low point in my journey.  It was when I had visited my Mum and was going to see a friend.  I needed to use her car but I couldn't use it as I didn't fit into it.  Well, I fit into it but, I couldn't do the seat belt up, the steering wheel wouldn't move as it was jammed into my stomach.  I was distraught.  Here's the link if you're interested in reading what happened that night... it was on the 22nd of October 2010.

Anyway, I went to a friend's welcome home party on Friday night.  I caught the train from work to Mum's (the party was held at the Dorset Gardens Hotel).  I was a bit hesitant to ask Mum if I could borrow her Car.  All I could could think of was what happened last year.  Against my better judgement, I asked her (knowing she'd say yes, of course!) but wasn't too sure if I'd fit. 

When I was ready to go, I grabbed the keys and my date for the evening (Lachie!) and walked out to the driveway with Mum following close behind.

You might be reading this Mum and I say this with all due respect and love but, Mum is a tiny bit challenged in the vertical sense.  She is rather short and I know when Dad drives her car, her normally pushes the seat back as his legs are too long to fit.  I looked at where the seat was positioned and it looked okay so I thought I'd sit in it and adjust it from there.  I took a deep breath and plonked myself down.  There was plenty of room everywhere!  Even the seat belt had some slack.  I asked Lachie to wind his window down and I asked Mum if she had moved her seat back knowing I'd be getting in.  She said no and was amazed to hear that no adjustments (other than the mirror and radio station) had to be made.  As I reversed, Mum was nearly in tears.  Callum was standing next to her.  I told her not to cry as I'd start to cry as well.  Lachie couldn't believe it.  And neither could I. 

I know that not all of you reading this have had the same problem as me (I'm referring to not being able to fit in a car) but it's one of the most embarrassing, awkward moments.  It's when you realise how big you've gotten and you try not to think about it.  Mum's car isn't a small car either.  It's a Camry.  And when I read my blog entry from October last year, that moment where I didn't fit in the car - just like the moment on Friday night when I did don't seem real.

I know my Mum is proud of me for a number of reasons but I think on Friday night, when I backed out and she had her hands over her face, I knew it was due to amazement rather than worrying about if I was going to back into their letterbox. 

I guess I haven't really had a good hard think about how much I have changed physically.  Sure, I can see it in photos but until I sat in that car, I had no idea.  I've realised that at the moment, I don't even really know who I am at the moment.  I'm a work in progress.  And that is comforting in one way but also scary in another.  I guess I'm free falling.  But in a good way.

It was wonderful to catch up with an old School mate at the party I went to on Friday night.  We haven't seen one another for 19 years!  It was wonderful to see her and speak about old times and catch up on some goss.  I can see us having a few wines together in the coming months to reminisce! 

My eating this week has been really good.  I've done so well.  I've had a few shakes at the times when I haven't been hungry.  My headache has come and gone a few different times during the week and I've done quite well on the drinking water front as well. 

I've been finding that some foods go down really well and on other days, they just don't happen.  I enjoyed a piece of toast yesterday morning and made a delicious Lasagna last night packed full of vegetables and I was able to eat a small piece.

I've been putting much thought to my 100kg party.  I am planning for it to be around about March or April.  I am not sure what to do and have had some wonderful thoughts.  I want to celebrate my success.  I'll also do something when I have lost all of my weight.  Still not sure what!
I went for a walk tonight to get some fresh air.  I've been lucky enough to have my house to myself this afternoon.  I caught up on some much needed sleep. Off to work tomorrow.  I have a very busy week ahead! 

Hope everyone is well xo