Friday, October 29, 2010

Day 82 - 19 days to go!

Only 19 days to go.  It can't come quick enough. 

I've been feeling really down today.  It's hard to explain but I'll do my best.

I'm still not feeling well.  I'm on really strong antibiotics to get rid of this chest infection.  I'm taking my inner health plus and am eating my 2 bars per day (which is all I can seem to stomach at the moment).  I did have a piece of Watermelon at tea time (about a tablespoon full).  It was yum :)

I have also got a headache.

I am a whinging cow today.

I feel like I am stuck between here and there and I just want to get it over and one with so I can move on and begin the next stage of my life.  I'm not sure if this makes sense to those bandits out there...

About 3 months ago, I came off my anti depressants.  It seemed like a great idea at the time.  I was feeling fantastic (I'd been on them for just over 2 years) and I felt as though I was ready to come off them.  I was backed up by my Doctor on my decision to do so and everything was going well until a month or so ago.  I'm debating whether or not I should go back on them.

I was on them as I was diagnosed with post natal depression (I don't think you can have twins and not end up with something!) and then after I dealt with that, I remained on them until such a time I was ready to come of them.  A combination of going back to work, doing things for myself again and dealing with problems in a different way is how I did it.  It now seems that the things that I did to come off them are what is making me think I should reconsider being back on them.  I then think that I am not sure how I am going to feel in the coming months so, I think I'll wait and see.

I've had so much stuff thrown my way in the past few months that I think even if I was on them, I'd still feel a bit defeated...

I haven't lost any weight at this stage yet.  Given the fact that I'm a girl and girls have girly things every month or so hasn't helped!  That always happens to me.  I haven't put anything on which is good.  I shall just keep hanging in there until Monday for the official weigh in and then I'll have to work toward goal the week after.

I saw Dr Goldin yesterday.  He showed me the results of my 2nd sleep study (when I had the CPAP machine on).  It's amazing to see the difference that it makes.  I am pleased to say that I don't snore whilst I am on it (due to the fact that my airways are opened up) but am not noticing a lot of difference otherwise.  It may take a few weeks before I notice other things.  I am finding it hard to keep the mask on at night.  I'm still find that I wake up and discover that I have taken the mask off and turned the machine off!  I have to bring the machine in with me to Hospital.  Joy.  I am getting used to Herman (my CPAP machine) though especially seem as I've uploaded some songs onto him for my alarm in the morning. 

I'm off to bed now - I've rattled on enough.

Sorry for such a depressing blog!  It's not all roses.  It's tough and it's an emotional roller coaster ride.  Hopefully one that will not be so up and down in the coming weeks...


1 comment:

  1. oh honey *hugs*
    thats what happened to me when i came off my anti deps before. its not fun. your going through some major major changes in your life and your dealing with A LOT on top of that so dont be so hard on yourself!
    its not 'weak' if u decide to go back on them. you know i did but i went back on just 1/2 the dose i was on before. could you maybe try that?
    19 days woweee. 21 days for my gall bladder removal!