About me!

I’m not sure where to start!

 
I thought that it would be easy to write my blog. Especially the first entry considering I have so much to write. So many years of experience of being overweight and as a result of this I’ve had so many experiences because of the years spent being overweight. Some good but most bad. I’ve learnt something from all of them.

 
I turned 30 years old in January just gone (2010). I am a Mother to the most 4 beautiful Children on this earth. Lachlan, Callum and my twins David and Charlotte. I am also lucky enough to be married to a supportive, loving Man, Brad who hasn’t yet learnt the amazing things that he is capable of but is getting there :)

 I have such a wonderful, supportive Family and the most fantastic group of friends ANYONE could ever have. They are fantastic and couldn't do the things that I do without them.  I am also blessed to have made so many new friends in the past few years which I am so thankful for.  They each play a special part in my life.

 I also work part time as a public servant. I have been in the public service for 7 and a half years now. I did take 4 and half years off for maternity leave/parental leave. I really enjoy my job. There is so much for me to look forward to and I have personal goals that I plan to achieve within the next few years.

 I run a web based recycling group in my local area (with the help of one of my dear friends). I play the flute (which I haven’t done in quite a while). I enjoy reading, writing and drawing with chalks. I love going to see a movie, fishing, walking along the beach, fresh air, rivers, serenity. ..

 I am a one eyed Hawthorn supporter (CARN THE HAWKS) and believe that 2010 might be our year yet again (I didn’t say what it would be for but, surely it will be something!). I love my Footy.

 
I enjoy spending time with my Family. Not just the kids but my extended family – my Mum and Dad, Sister and Brother in Law, my Grandparents, my in Laws and the rest of the clan that you obtain when you get married. I’m proud of my Parents. I was a pain in the arse to raise. They did a good job. I love them tremendously.

 
I think my first memory of being big was when I was in around about Grade 4. We were doing a production and we had to have skirts made for us. One of the Mums had volunteered to make the skirts and my waist was the biggest of all. It didn’t really seem to bother me then.

 
I remember looking at School photos and always being the biggest. Once again, it still didn’t get to me. I had a best friend and throughout Primary School, she and I were attached at the hip. Like every other Female with a pulse, I was interested in Boys. One in particular whom I used to hassle on a regular basis to give me his list of preferences if he were to go out with anyone. I was number 3 on the list. This always used to make me smile. I feel as though I had quite a high self esteem during primary School regardless of my weight.

 It was when I got to High School that I noticed the difference. I started to get bullied every day. The classic ‘hey, hey, hey – it’s fat Albert’ to ‘I feel the earth move under my feet’ would be chanted as I walked past people. I’d often have people make jokes about me breaking chairs or eating all the food that we’d made during home economics. I’d get stuff from the Canteen and as I walked back, I’d often be looked at by the other students – being scrutinised for what I’d purchased. I was called chubby, fat, beefy, fatty, rolls – anything you could think of. I went to a different High School the following year.

 
Hoping things would pick up, it wasn’t long before the same sort of things started happening. I started to get picked on again. Fatty boom ba was one of their favourites. I found it hard to make friends at this new School so I’d often lie about things to try and buy their friendship. My lies and promises obviously soon became apparent that they were just that and I made the situation worse for myself. I just wanted to be liked.Someone flushed my gym stuff down the toilet. I never found out who it was. I was never good at gym. I always got picked last if it was for team work. I dreaded gym class. I always used to pretend that I had my period so that I didn’t have to do it. Male teachers would never argue!

I remember one time when we had a drama excursion, this girl locked me off the bus saying that I would pop the tyres. The WHOLE drama class were laughing, thinking it was so funny that she wouldn’t let me on. I didn’t know where the Teacher was. I loved drama – it was one of my favourite subjects. I went to the Office to phone my Mum. She came down from memory to discuss what had happened. I am not ever sure what happened to that girl. I’ve searched for her on Facebook so I can block her – I don’t imagine that she’d add me. A lot of her friends are on there and i’ve blocked them.

Although these memories are old, they are painful. It’s funny to see that a lot of the people who used to pick on me for my weight are now struggling with theirs as well. It was nice to see one of the prettiest girls in School add me on Facebook the other day. I couldn’t recognise her because of the weight she had stacked on. I’d never say anything of course but, I wonder if they ever stopped to think of me and what they put me through? I doubt it. 

 
Now at 30, I still get picked on every day. On the train, at the Station, on the Bus, walking home – even when I am standing out the front of my own house. It’s hurtful. Although I have so many comebacks now for people who pick on me, it still doesn’t stop the fact that they’ve actually said something to me about it.

 Because I am the size I am, I spend most of my time going out of my way to make others comfortable. Why should my weight interfere with other people enjoying their day? I guess that’s not really the right attitude to have although it’s really the only one I know. Because I’ve been kicked to the ground so many times, that’s where I feel I belong. And although I don’t feel fat until I am trying on a new pair of pants or a new skirt that doesn’t fit or when i am looking in the mirror, it doesn’t mean that I’m not.

 
I feel gorgeous. I feel happy. I feel like a true friend. I feel generous. I feel loving. I feel kind. I feel like I have so much to offer someone. I feel as though I have potential.  I am caring. I am clever. I am funny. I am likeable. I am pretty. I am witty. I have drive. I show initiative. I am understanding. I am compassionate. I am determined. I am a fighter. I am FAT.

 
And although I’ve learnt to accept myself for who I am in the last few years, I am not healthy. I want to be here for my family. I want to be here for my friends. I want to be here for me. And that’s where this magical little tool comes in that’s going to help me along the way.

 I hope you enjoy my journey with me.