Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Day 31 - 45 - WARNING - long post!

It's been a while!  Firstly, to everyone who has been messaging me and Emailing me to find out if I am still alive (and/or on track), I really appreciate your support and concern.  I am still alive but, a lot has happened in the last few weeks.  I'm not sure which chain mail I didn't pass on or what ladder I have walked under in the past month or so but life has been bloody hard lately and it seems that everything that can test me has been thrown at me.  It's bizarre.

A week ago, Brad went into Hospital.  He'll be there for another few weeks yet.  A week prior to that, cracks started to show in what seemed to be my almost drama free life!

The following is a list of the things that have happened in the past 2 weeks (in no particular order).  Shit happens but it has never happened to me in such huge quantities...

- Brad is in Hospital
- The hot water service broke (and is now fixed $1800 later...)
- The dishwasher broke down and needed replacing ($700 later...)
- The toilet became blocked (free - managed to unblock it without the need for a plumber)
- The babies keep turning the pilot light off on the hot water service so I end up with cold water rather than hot and then have to wait for it to heat up again
- Lachlan opened a tin of paint in the Laundry and it spilled all over the floor and is now on all of my work clothes and on parts of the carpet in the house
- My washing machine has stopped working properly and doesn't spin the clothes
- A child threatened Lachlan with a knife last week
- I am not sleeping at night and keep getting up and strange times
- I lost my car keys and needed to call a locksmith to replace my car key - more money I didn't need (or have) to be spending...
- Callum made corn flake and honey bread the other day and dropped the honey jar on the ground resulting in a sticky mess
- Charlotte dropped all the coffee on the ground also
- I have ran out of money because of everything that has needed replacing
- The floor boards near the shower have rotted and they are going to end up breaking if not replaced soon
- Kitty has a sore on his leg and needs to go to the vet
- Lachlan broke something whilst he was on an excursion and I need to pay for it
- I lost my train ticket today and had to buy a new one (small in the scheme of things but still annoying)
- I got my sleep study results and I have severe sleep apnoea
- I haven't been able to go to the gym for the past 2 weeks because if I'm not cleaning or cooking, I'm sleeping
- I've changed my surgery date from the 6th of October 2010 to the 28th of October 2010

I could go on and on could bring up more things that have happened but the list above is not only lengthy but it is so negative.  I don't want to dwell on the negatives too much as it's all that seems to have been happening. 

In some way, I wish I had continued to blog each day so that I had an account of what was going on so that in a few weeks or months time I can look back and say 'sure, that was hard but I got through' but, I didn't and in some way I am happy as although none of what has happened is related to my weight loss or my lap band journey, it has affected my mood therefore has affected my focus and my eating habits.

I haven't been behaving as well as I should have in the past few weeks when it comes to eating.  I have had some take away (other than Subway).  Hungry Jacks was one thing that I ate.  It made me feel sick and I ended up vomiting.  I won't do that again.  I haven't been having my shakes although I have kept my fluid intake up which is good.

I really should have taken the time to study what was going on and keep myself focused but now that the worst part is over (I hope) I can now get back on track.


I have put on weight - I am not sure how much but I will weigh myself and I'll write it up but tomorrow, I start my Optifast shake diet again and I will follow it.  I have 5 and a half weeks left to surgery so it's good that in some way I have been given a second chance on sticking to the program to make sure that my surgery goes as smoothly as possible.  This is not something that I have been thinking about as this crud has been occurring.

It's really late so I'll revisit some of the things that I have written tomorrow like the sleep apnoea results (OMG - that was scary) and whatever else is included in my list of things that need further explanation.

Once again, thank you everyone for the messages that I have received over the past few weeks.  I look forward to having my shakes tomorrow and have the feeling of control again. Well, control on what I put in my mouth anyway.

I'm off to bed xo

P.S - one fantastic thing happened last week - I not only met Shane Crawford but I got to bring him his lunch!  I'll put pics up tomorrow :)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Day 30

Still no hot water... I've only just got back from the Hospital and we've got someone coming out this morning to quote the supply and installation of a unit along with just the installation of one as I think Dad can get one a bit cheaper than what this company will be able to quote us on.

I had my sleep study last night.  I arrived at the Western Hospital at around about 7.30pm.  I was introduced one of the sleep technicians.  She asked me to get into my Pyjamas and then she'd proceed with hooking me up with the wires.  OMG!  I looked like something from a science fiction movie.

It was SO uncomfortable at first but I did manage to get used to it.  I had one of the blue band things around my waist as well along with 4 wire things attached to my legs (2 on each).  All of the wires were plugged into a data recorder.

I was actually surprised that I slept quite well (I admit that I took 2 sleeping tablets to assist in this happening!).  Before I went to sleep, they put one of those things on my finger that measure your oxygen levels as well and to ensure that I didn't knock it off, I rested my arm on the bedside table.

The sleep technicians were lovely.  I had bought 2 books in with me as I intended to start either one of them but, I spent most of the time chatting to the sleep technicians!  They answered all of my questions about why I was there and why it was so important to determine if I have sleep apnoea prior to having my surgery. 

The sleep technician came in at about 3am as the prongs had come out of my nose and one of the wires and come off my head and then she came in again at 6am to wake me up.  I had a shower (I'm happy that they have hot water!  lol), a Coffee, my shake and then I headed home.  I'll get the results of the test when I see Doctor Goldin next Friday. 

I'm going to go to the gym today.  I'm feeling a bit down.  I'm not sure why.  It could be because of all the things that have happened over the last few weeks.  They might be starting to get to me.  I think a nice walk will help.  I might even have a swim.  I just want to be somewhere in my own space, where the time is mine and I don't have to think.  Not sure if that makes sense...

It would be great to lock myself up in a bubble for the next month so that nothing can get to me prior to surgery so that I am as mentally and physically ready as what I'll ever be :) I don't think there's a bubble big enough!

WEEK 5 - Day 29

Today is weigh in day!  I was quite pleased when I stood on the scales - I weigh 210.4kg which means I've lost 3.4kg in a week.  I've lost 9.3kg so far!  I am very pleased with my progress and I am certainly on track to being under 200kg by the time my surgery date arrives which is in a month EXACTLY!

It's hard to describe how I feel today.  I am quite excited yet a bit nervous.  I know I am making the right decision and the next 4 weeks and how I treat my body is paramount to ensuring my surgery is a success.  I need to ensure that I go to the gym at least 5 times per week and get at least an hour worth of exercise each day.  I also need to make sure that I have my 2 liters of fluid as well as each of the shakes that I am entitled to.  I'm also going to mix up my meals at night time to make sure that I stay interested!  No Subway shortcuts for me in the next 4 weeks, that's for sure!

On another note, the stroke of bad luck keeps continuing for me. 

The hot water service has died today which means that I've had to use the savings from my account that I had put away for Lachlan's High School to get it replaced.  The Dishwasher has also broken down.  The exhaust on my car got hit the other day as it bottomed out on a piece of concrete as it went into the driveway.  Excuse the french coming up but shit just keeps on happening to push me back a few steps.  This Journey has really tested my strength.  It's been a struggle.  I've had to dig really deep to keep on going and not throw everything in.

I compare it to giving up smoking again.  After giving up smoking, when I felt like having a Cigarette, I'd ask myself 'what is it going to achieve?  If you have this Cigarette, are you going to feel less upset?  Is it going to solve that problem?  Will that bill get paid?'.  I ask my same when I want to eat something.  Will eating something fix anything?  Will having a Big Mac (DAMN YOU BIG MAC!) make the Dishwasher work?  Will eating a cheesymite scroll make the hot water unit un rust itself?  Will eating chocolate clean the house? 

The book that I bought on emotional eating arrived the other day.  I intend on spending some time reading it each day to learn why I do it and to work out ways to combat it.  If I can understand it more then I'll be able to beat it easier and have the tools to get through these stages.  Obviously something shat on me from a great height when I was born and it's only really starting to show now.  I don't understand why so many tests are being thrown at me and I've thought about it, they're level of importance or the level of stress that I'm feeling because of each issue occurring isn't being magnified due to the fact that I am hungry because I am not - I am over that part.  It's the fact that everything that can happen is happening at a bad time!  Aaahhh.  I'll get through it.

I'm off to my sleep study!  Hope everyone's well xoxo

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Day 28 - working out - biggest loser style!

Happy Father's day to all the Dads!

I was so proud of myself this morning.  I made breakfast for Brad (or should I say I assisted in making breakfast for Brad) - orange juice, nutrigrain, buttered mushrooms, bacon (LOTS and LOTS of bacon!), eggs and mini ham and cheese croissants.  I only had 'the eye' of a piece of middle rasher bacon.  I cooked it and then put it between paper towel until nothing came out of it!  I also had one small mushroom cup but all in all, to cook such a delicious breakfast and not have any wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be.

Brad stayed in bed until 2pm.  The Children were being AWFUL.  David got into the couscous and poured it all over the floor.  Charlotte got hold of the packet of nutrigrain and poured that all over the kitchen floor.  The Dogs put all of their dry dog food all over the floor.  The cats managed to get into the rubbish bin.  OMG.  It was all happening this morning. 

I went to the gym at around 4.20 (they shut at 5).  I set the treadmill to do the fat burner program (my fave!) and set it for 35 minutes.  Within the first 5 minutes, I was over it.  I kept changing songs on my MP3 player.  Every time I thought about going slower, I put it up .1 of a kilometer so I had to go slightly quicker.  I increased the incline by a bit when I thought it was too high.  And I held on for dear life when I felt as though I was going to fall off when I was walking up the big hill!  I HATED it.  I hated the everything after the first 5 minutes and the last 3 minutes but gosh, once I finished, the feeling that I got over powered any feeling that I felt whilst I was walking.

It was HARD.  It's the HARDEST work out that I have done.  And I got through it. And it HURT.  I left right on closing time and the gym is a 2 minute drive from home.  After about a minute, I felt like vomiting.  And I tried not to but, I did.  All over my top :/  I wasn't (to my disgust) not repulsed by my spontaneous chuck but quite pleased!  Louise has now lovingly dubbed me 'chucky'.

I got inside and went straight into the shower.  I had some Ventolin as well as I was very wheezy (I've still got the last bit of the chest infection that I was getting over).

I look forward to doing it again tomorrow although I think I'll do some swimming to give my legs a break!

Stephanie 1 Treadmill 0


Day 27 - my 'moving forward' lunch

I had such a fantastic day today :)

I woke up CRAVING Maccers.  I SO wanted a bacon and egg muffin and a sausage and egg muffin.  Oh, and a hash brown.  I don't know what it is about my Maccers craving lately.  It's driving me insane! 

Instead of giving in, I grabbed the scales and stood on them (yes, a naughty thing to do 2 days before weigh in but, I needed something to keep me going).  I am 211.9 kilograms!  I have lost 1.9 kilograms since Monday which means I've lost 7.8 kilograms so far.  I was WRAPPED. 

I got ready to go out - I even straightened my hair and as usual, we were running half an hour late. 

We had a great time.  I got a salad (which was REALLY yum and fresh) and I once again passive smoked the smell of other people's meals!  I made a short speech and thanked everyone for coming. 

I took a fair few photos.  I really enjoy photos at the moment.  Knowing that I am not going to look like I do for much longer is certainly motivation to keep those happy snaps going :)

I got some lovely gifts.  Trish gave me a leafy greens hamper, Cath gave me a 'yummy mummy' tea pot, Nanna and Poppa gave me a lovely Journal that I'll put photos in and Matt gave me 'the band' CD - it took me a while to get it but, it's 'the bahd' because I'm getting a band.  lol.

It was truly a lovely day.

After lunch, Brad went bowling with Clint, Trish and Matt and I took the kids home.  I then went to pick Brad up from their house and they all had pizza and I had my shake. 

It is hard going through what I am going through but I know it's going to be worth it - especially when I get results like I'm getting at the moment. 

Off to bed - it's 1 in the morning and I have to get up early to cook Father's day breakfast!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Day 26 - this is HARD

OMG this is SO hard! 

Today has been a real struggle.  The morning started off fine - I had a shake at around 11.  I ended up trying the Optifast soup and didn't prepare it properly and it tasted like CRAP.  I felt like throwing up after I'd had it (although surprisingly, it filled me up quite quickly).  I had a salad for dinner but haven't had my shake yet.  I feel full and content.

I am sick of the cravings.  Things that I shouldn't have but want.  Butter chicken, Big Macs, KFC, Naan bread, Red Rooster, enchiladas, NACHOS, champagne, bacon, eggs, souvlaki, dim sims, subway, cashew nuts, dried apricots, milo, jam, nutella, porky bits FFS!  I feel like I'm writing a shopping list to bring on a heart attack!

It's really hard sticking to the shake diet.  It doesn't get easier although you do get used to it.  I have found that I go off track when I'm not writing things down.  It's really important to write what you have down as it keeps you honest.  At the end of the day, all I want to see in that book is 3 shakes and 2 cups of leafy greens along with 2 liters of fluids.  If that's all it says, I know I've done well.

I have a wonderful day coming up tomorrow.  It's my 'moving forward' lunch.  I invited family and my close friends some time ago to join me for lunch to celebrate the fact that I am turning a new leaf.  I can't wait to see everyone.  I really want to say something but I have no idea what to say.  I am very bad at speeches but, It's a momentous occasion - a celebration of what I hope to achieve not only during the next month but for the rest of my life.  Health and happiness.

Tomorrow is also an important day because the Hawks are going to kick Fremantle's butt in the Footy to take us on the road to the finals!  CARN THE HAWKS!  Sorry Rach xoxo

I've already worked out what I am going to have - a shake and leafy greens!

It's time I thought about heading to bed - Lachlan is on his way home from his first blue light disco!  I hope he had a fantastic time.  I'm staying up until he gets home so I can see how he went. 

Temptations resisted today - too many to mention.  I don't want to think about all the things I thought about eating today.  The page is not big enough!

3 sleeps until weigh day!  :) I'm going to hit the gym HARD tomorrow and Sunday :)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Day 25 - a day of rest

I can't believe that I spent most of the day sleeping today!  I guess I needed the rest.

I got up at 11.30, had my Optifast bar and went back to bed.  I didn't get up again until 4.30.  It's almost 11 so I'm off to bed after I've finished writing my blog.  I don't want to waste the fact that I have caught up on my lost sleep!

I did forget that I had an appointment with my dietitian today (because I slept through it!).  I'll have to give them a call and re book for next week.

Today has been good - thank God for Cottees Lime Coola diet Cordial.  I have been drinking that all day.  I had a shake for lunch and a shake for dinner along with a cup of broccoli and a cup of leek.  I LOVE the smell of steamed leek.  It was gorgeous.

I heard back from APRA about my Superannuation claim - I won't have an answer from them until the 27th of September.  It takes some time for them to make a decision if they're going to release the funds early or not.  I wish I'd been able to put the application form in a lot sooner.  I should have the money in time for my Surgery if not, I'll take some from the savings and replace it when my Super is released.  If anyone is wanting to go down that path (drawing from your Super), go to and check out the forms and FAQ's.

I didn't go to the Gym today however, I will go tomorrow.  I am hoping to swim after I've walked and done my other things.  I think swimming will be nice to relax my muscles.

See - not a lot happened today but, I'm on track which is the important thing.  I'm feeling quite excited about the fact the surgery is almost within my reach!  It's 33 days away. I've got a lot of work to do before then. 

Temptations resisted today - Chicken Kiev, pies, sausage rolls, I HAVE WANTED A BIG MAC ALL DAY BUT HAVEN'T HAD ONE!, I STILL want butter chicken (that's really starting to annoy me now), strawberry yogurt, cheese and the new round cherry ripe!

Oh, and I'm pleased to announce that I've had 1,789 hits!  Thank you everyone xoxo

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Day 24

I had a relaxing day today.  I've spent most of the day thinking about food so, I've had to find distractions.

Shopping was a good distraction!  I grabbed a sample of the white chocolate scone from Baker's delight and I gave it to the babies.  Charlotte didn't want hers and I ate it (it was a very small sample).  It was SO yum.  I walked away quite quickly so that I didn't buy some!

The babies aren't well at the moment.  It's been quite a challenge to look after them today as they're so grumpy! 

I've got my 'moving forward' lunch coming up on Saturday.  When I booked the date for my surgery, I decided I wanted to have a lunch with my friends and family.  I'm really looking forward to having a salad with those I love.

I've got my sleep study booked.  I need to be at the Hospital on Monday at around 7pm and I get discharged at 7.30am on the Tuesday (uurrgghh - early mornings).  I wonder what they will discover?!?!  I wouldn't be surprised if I do have sleep apnoea.  I hope I have a good sleep at least.  I can't imagine it will be fantastic given the fact I'll have wires strapped all over me.  I still have to have the blood gas testing as well.  I should probably get that organised for tomorrow :/ at least I don't feel as though I am going to cry when it's done like I thought I would last week.  Suck it up, yeah?

I was going to go to the gym today when I felt like eating but I couldn't go in the end because of the babies being sick.  I'm going to go tonight and I'll stay for an hour.  I'm feeling very optimistic about Monday's weigh in :) i think I'm going to do really well this week.  I'm still aiming to be under 200kg come surgery time.  I know it's a tough ask but I think that it's achievable.

Today I have resisted those REALLY yummy scones, milo, chocolate big M, KFC (I STILL feel like that - not sure why!), INDIAN (I wish I could forget about the Indian!), danish fetta, freshly squeezed orange juice - it's funny when you can't have things, they all seem to be wanted more and more!

Oh, thank you to Linda for reminding me that it's okay to treat myself with a wine every now and again xoxo