Day 83

I had a great day today :)

It was Clinton's birthday BBQ.  I was pleased to say that I resisted the BBQ!  A bit shocked that it got cooked as it was pouring with rain when they put it on!

I spent the morning at Greensborough Plaza with the kids.  We did some shopping and had Coffee and doughnuts (well, they had the doughnuts and I had the Coffee).  It was nice to spend time with them.  David was amazed at the size of the Christmas tree (yes, Christmas tree).  It was huge!  I can't believe they've got their decorations up already.  It feels as though we've just gotten over last Christmas.

I bought myself a silver locket.  I can put 6 photos in it.  It is on the same chain as my pink angel. 

There's only 18 days to go until my Surgery.  I'm excited.  Still nervous but excited!

I'm looking forward not having to have Optifast bars for much longer :) I know I'll be on liquids afterwards.

Blah :/

Day 82 - 19 days to go!

Only 19 days to go.  It can't come quick enough. 

I've been feeling really down today.  It's hard to explain but I'll do my best.

I'm still not feeling well.  I'm on really strong antibiotics to get rid of this chest infection.  I'm taking my inner health plus and am eating my 2 bars per day (which is all I can seem to stomach at the moment).  I did have a piece of Watermelon at tea time (about a tablespoon full).  It was yum :)

I have also got a headache.

I am a whinging cow today.

I feel like I am stuck between here and there and I just want to get it over and one with so I can move on and begin the next stage of my life.  I'm not sure if this makes sense to those bandits out there...

About 3 months ago, I came off my anti depressants.  It seemed like a great idea at the time.  I was feeling fantastic (I'd been on them for just over 2 years) and I felt as though I was ready to come off them.  I was backed up by my Doctor on my decision to do so and everything was going well until a month or so ago.  I'm debating whether or not I should go back on them.

I was on them as I was diagnosed with post natal depression (I don't think you can have twins and not end up with something!) and then after I dealt with that, I remained on them until such a time I was ready to come of them.  A combination of going back to work, doing things for myself again and dealing with problems in a different way is how I did it.  It now seems that the things that I did to come off them are what is making me think I should reconsider being back on them.  I then think that I am not sure how I am going to feel in the coming months so, I think I'll wait and see.

I've had so much stuff thrown my way in the past few months that I think even if I was on them, I'd still feel a bit defeated...

I haven't lost any weight at this stage yet.  Given the fact that I'm a girl and girls have girly things every month or so hasn't helped!  That always happens to me.  I haven't put anything on which is good.  I shall just keep hanging in there until Monday for the official weigh in and then I'll have to work toward goal the week after.

I saw Dr Goldin yesterday.  He showed me the results of my 2nd sleep study (when I had the CPAP machine on).  It's amazing to see the difference that it makes.  I am pleased to say that I don't snore whilst I am on it (due to the fact that my airways are opened up) but am not noticing a lot of difference otherwise.  It may take a few weeks before I notice other things.  I am finding it hard to keep the mask on at night.  I'm still find that I wake up and discover that I have taken the mask off and turned the machine off!  I have to bring the machine in with me to Hospital.  Joy.  I am getting used to Herman (my CPAP machine) though especially seem as I've uploaded some songs onto him for my alarm in the morning. 

I'm off to bed now - I've rattled on enough.

Sorry for such a depressing blog!  It's not all roses.  It's tough and it's an emotional roller coaster ride.  Hopefully one that will not be so up and down in the coming weeks...

xo

WEEK 10 - day 78

I am SO proud of myself.  Today I have weighed in at 205.3kg.  This means that I have lost 5.0kg so far which means that I've lost 18.9kg so far.  I have done SO well and I have worked SO hard to get these results it's great to see them come out on the scales.  It has made it all worthwhile.

Today has been a bit of a challenge.  The morning and afternoon was fine.  It was the end of the day that I found hard to do.  I worked back late this afternoon and ended up missing my normal 'I've worked late train' so I had to wait for the one that didn't leave until around about 7.20 so I had a fair bit of time to kill from when I left work at around about 6.20.  I was SOOOOOO hungry.  OMG!  I only had a bar today but I did have a lot to drink.  

I went to Coles at Melbourne Central and bought a bag of Coleslaw and bought a bottle of fat free dressing and I had alf the bag on the train.  I was so pleased as I managed to pass the Sushi in Coles, the watermelon, the onion and cheese crisps, the Big M - things that I haven't craved in ages all just seemed to jump out at me.  

The only thing I did get that I perhaps shouldn't have was a tub of light cream cheese - I only had a few teaspoons.  

When I got home, I could smell the cheese toasties.  Yum.  I am not hungry (which is good) but, I SO want to have one but am not going to.  

I hate resisting the temptation but the feeling is so good when I do.  

I also contacted Dr Winnett's rooms today to speak to them about the fact that I have been vomiting and am finding it hard to keep stuff down.  I was worried that if I keep being sick, I'll get into the habit of doing so and i won't be able to stop being sick, even after the band is in.  Dr Winnett is sure that I won't have the problem after the band has been placed.  He i quite impressed with my weight loss to date.  

On another good note - I seemed to be able to keep the CPAP mask on last night.  I woke up at 5.15am to the alarm.  My nostrils are really sore so I'm using the nasal oil stuff they gave me (odorless sesame oil).  I'll see how I go on the mask tonight - hope I can keep it on again.

I don't know where the 18.9kgs have gone.  I don't care so long as they've gone!  I was a bit cross this morning when I added my weight to my weight and measurements page to see that I have actually lost the weight that I put on during weeks 5 - 7.  If I had not have put that weight on, I would be just under goal.  I am not dwelling on it.  It's just made me think and realise what things could have been.  I'm really excited about next Monday.  I'm not going to get my hopes up about being under 200kg although I am going to work hard to get there.  My scales actually read my weight out loud and to hear them say 'one hundred and ninety nine point nine kilograms' would be amazing.  I'll film it I think and put it up - it's a milestone.

Bring on the week :)

Day 76 - gotta love Saturdays :)

I'm exhausted!  I haven't done much at all today but I am exhausted.

I had my hair done today with Mum and I think we both look quite lovely.  Afterwards, Mum drove me to Greensborough and I spent some time at Savers before Brad came to pick me up.

I made a huge pot of soup (broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, leek, cabbage, a tiny bit of tomato paste, garlic, turnip and spinach) and I had some for dinner.  I'll put the rest away for tea over the next few nights.

I'm really pleased with myself today.  I stood on the scales and I have lost just over 3.5kg this week.  I'll record my official weigh in weight on Monday but things are looking good so far.

There's only 25 days to go until I have my surgery.  Although it would have meant that by the time it comes it would have been just on 100 days since all of 'this' started.  It will be a relief to finally get it done.  I am still a bit nervous but can't wait until the day it happens and I can't wait to wake up to my new life after the surgery.

I SO want a glass of wine!  But I won't.  I'll have some diet lime cordial instead :)

Day 75 - reality checks...

I was SO embarrassed when I got up this morning!  Look at my neck...

The marks are as a result of an allergic reaction that I've had to the tape they used to tape the wires on.  They look like hickeys!  I ended up wearing my hair in a pony tail and pulling it to one side today to cover up the biggest one that is on my right shoulder.  They are a lot darker in real life than what they are in the photo - I hope they fade soon :/

Last night I did quite well with my CPAPing.  I have named my machine Herbert.  I woke up at 4.20am and I had taken my mask off (and turned the machine off) so, I put it back on and went back to sleep.  The machine tells me how long I had been on it for and it was for 4 and a half hours (from memory). I did pretty well for my first night :) if I am compliant, a smiley face comes up in the corner on the screen after a month.  Very excited!

I got on the train this morning to go to work and as usual, I didn't get a seat.  The ticket inspector told me that there were seats in the front carriage (the one up from mine) so, when we got to the next stop, I jumped in to the next carriage to find that the seats were all the way up the other end.  I am unable to walk past the seats as I don't fit in between them.  For 10 minutes or so, I watched these 2 spare seats just well, sitting there!  I couldn't do anything.  When we arrived at the next stop, I was going to jump out and change doors however someone had already taken them.  I was distracted along the way as I felt a bit upset.  Not overly but, just a bit annoyed - yet another thing to add to my list of things I want to be able to do once I have lost weight.

I ended up going to one of my friends houses tonight.  I caught the train out to Mum's and I was going to borrow her car to drive to Loz's house.  I was extremely grateful for this because it would save me getting a taxi or asking Mum to come and pick me up.  I headed out the front door and got in the car.  I couldn't work out how to put the seat back so I called Mum and she did it for me.  I got in and realised quite quickly that I wasn't going anywhere.  I didn't fit in the drivers seat of the car.  The steering wheel did not move.  I was pretty much jammed.  Mum said she'd drive me there so she went inside and got her bag.

I started to cry.  I didn't know how else to react to the situation.  Sure, I am losing weight, I am doing things so that I am able to fit into other people's cars, I am making that change and that effort BUT it doesn't make a difference in that moment.  We ended up stopping at Maccers so I could buy my salad so I had something to eat for tea.  I also had my Cappuccino Optifast bar with me.

I had a great night at Loz's house.  It was nice to chill out and spend time with my friends.  I didn't have anything to drink as you're not allowed to do this when you're on Optifast but it was great watching them all play dodge ball on the trampoline, dance like they weren't being watched and generally doing what people who have been drinking do best - being silly!

It got to 10.50 and Loz had ran out of drinks.  As I was the only sober one there, I offered to go to the bottle shop and pick some up for her.  I had told her about the experience I had in Mum's car earlier so she lifted the steering wheel, lowered the chair, moved it back as far as it would go.  And even in her big 4wd - I STILL struggled to fit.  The steering wheel JUST moved and that was because I was sucking my tummy in.  I got the drinks and came back.  I couldn't even park her car in the garage as I wouldn't have been able to get out. 

I didn't cry about this.  I am just thankful that I had the experience with Mum's car so I knew what to expect.  I would have never thought that I've gotten so bad that I couldn't even drive someone elses car.  It was certainly a wake up call.  I still feel in some way that I am watching someone else go through this.  This can't be happening to me.  And although I know it is, it's hard to watch me go through it.  I hate it.

Anyway, I'm back at Mum's now.  I am off to bed in a minute.  I had a really good night and it was great to spend some time with my friends WITHOUT Children!  :)  I don't do it enough.  I missed them but, I need my time as well.  I forget that.

I have a few more things to add to my list of things I want to be able to do when I've lost my weight - driving other people's cars without worrying about fitting in the drivers seat is something I never thought I'd add but hey, lots of things that I didn't think would happen have on this journey.  They're all happening for a reason.  And I am grateful for the experience.  It's keeping me honest and on track.

Night all xo

Day 74

I've been CPAPed! 

I had my fitting last night and I have gone and gotten a CPAP machine.  I am hiring it for 3 months and may end up purchasing it if I need it for longer than what I think I will.  They are certainly not the cheapest pieces of equipment and I recommend shopping around - especially if you are renting.

So, last night I got wired up again...

And then they fitted the machine.  It's such a strange sensation having this air blow at you (in my case, up my nose).  I did ask if I could try a 'nasal pillows' rather than using the full mask.  The thought of having something over my face the whole night makes me feel a little claustrophobic.  Here I am with my sexy mask (a VERY attractive shot indeed...)

Much to my surprise, I managed to keep it on the whole night.  I guess I didn't really have a choice considering the Nurse would have come back in and put it on for me.  It is as uncomfortable as it looks.  I woke up feeling like I'd been punched in the nose as the cushion things go up your nose.  I think I found the wires to be more uncomfortable than the mask but in saying that, I had a good sleep - I managed 7 hours.

I ended up obtaining my prescription for the CPAP machine this morning so I went down to Priceline in Niddrie (the cheapest place I could find that also offered fantastic service) and got my machine.  They spent an hour with me talking about it and how to operate it.  I can even upload some music to it so that I can use it as my alarm in the morning!  The machine looks like a toaster.

Anyway, we'll see how I go with it tonight.  It will be interesting to see what I do with it - if I manage to leave it on the whole night or if I end up ripping it of without even knowing it! 

Day 73 - CPAP fitting tonight :)

I phoned Western Private Hospital yesterday morning and managed to get my CPAP fitting booked for TONIGHT!  I am leaving in about 20 minutes. 

I received an Email from my specialists office with a list of people who hire out the CPAP machines (more on that tomorrow).  I was shocked to find the price difference between each place was ridiculous!  One wanted almost $200 a month to lease a machine!  That was on a 12 month contract.  At that rate, you may as well purchase a machine.

I bet I'm going to end up looking like that girl from the movie 'tank girl' tonight.  I'll make sure I take a photo and I'll post it tomorrow.

My specialist believes I may need the machine for up to 12 months.  I checked with Medibank Private and my cover will reimburse me up to $500 of the cost of a machine or the same if I hire one.  I'm happy I checked else I would have never have known.

I felt really down at work this afternoon.  I was finding it really hard to concentrate.  I left about half an hour early.  I just felt like crying.

I think that once again it's all gotten to me.  I ended up writing a few things down on the way home to keep myself from breaking down on the train. 

I've spent so much time trying to work out why I've done this to myself or why myself has done this to me.  I know that none of that makes sense but sometimes none of what I think does.  Especially when I delve into the reason I am in the 'position' that I am in.

There's no reason in placing blame on myself for where I am at the moment.  There is no sense in back tracking.  Moving forward toward my goal is the important thing.  Looking forward to the results.  Conquering each battle that comes up each day (sometimes each hour).  Believing in myself.  Working on loving myself.  Focusing on the positives.  Breaking old habits and believing that I'll succeed - not to the point where I not only convince myself that I'll succeed but I actually end up believing it.  Not sure which is the hardest part of any the above but I know that it's achievable.

I'm getting there :) every day I get a little further.

Off to dress up like tank girl and try not to analyze everything too much. 

Stay tuned for pics :)

WEEK 9 - day 71 - 1.8kg lost but not without a vent...

I'm doing something a little different today - I'm blogging in the morning rather than at night!

I just weighed myself - I'm 210.3kg.  I have lost 1.8kg this week and a total of 12.7kg.

I'm still feeling quite sick.  I am vomiting and I also have diarrhea.  I'm still only having the bars rather than the shakes.  i am not sure how long it would take for my body to get used to the change but it's certainly taking longer than what I would like it to.

I'm also still feeling a bit down.  It's hard to explain but, I'll have a go.

It's only in the last few weeks that I have realised how much my weight effects my life and it's understandable that it's having an impact - I've never focused on my weight for so long before.  I've started to realise how many problems it is creating in my life and how many things it stops me from doing.  It's starting to make me feel quite depressed.

Things that never used to bother me are really starting to get in the way.  I often get rashes in unsightly places.  This is due to chafing and sweating I imagine.  I have one of them at the moment and it's really sore.  I am using Vaseline and Power to try and get it to heal. 

Our shower head broke on Friday - something that is paramount that I have due to the fact that i am unable to wash myself properly if I don't have one.  I'm off to Bunnings sometime today to get a new one but that's not the point.  The point that I have needed to use one for quite some time is.

Putting on lace up shoes is impossible.  As is socks.  I thought about going to the gym tomorrow morning but I won't have anyone to do up my shoes. 

I took the kids to the pools yesterday and as I waded with my pants hiked up to my knees, I felt down watching everyone else being able to swim with their kids.  I normally wear a skirt and a singlet top in but, I couldn't find them.  It would have been nice to just be able to throw something (anything) on and enjoy quality time with them.

Getting up to chase the twins is hard.  I'm not enjoying being a Mother as much as I should.  I can't do the things that I want to do with any of them because of my weight.

As I said, these are things that don't normally bother me - they've just been a fact of life that I have just dealt with and worked around.  I don't want to be like this anymore.  I know that I am losing weight and that my surgery is in just under a month but it can't come quick enough.  I can't even say that I want to reclaim my life as I have always been like this.  I just want to start living.  Find out what it's like to be of a size so that I can do things rather than be disabled by my weight. 

I sound like I am having a big whinge.  I guess I am.  I don't feel sorry for myself - I am just frustrated. 

I have my CPAP machine fitted tonight.  I am going to do as much housework as I can to try and tire myself out so that I sleep as well as I can.  I don't imagine that it's going to be that comfortable!  Doing housework can count as my exercise for the day.  At least I can clean in bear feet :)  I'll make sure I get a photo of myself tonight in the horrid CPAP mask.

I'm so proud of some of my friends who are on their own mission to lose weight. One of my friends Tracey is preparing to have the gastric sleeve surgery.  She's doing so well.  She's lost 3.7kg.  I imagine that figure would be more now given the fact that it has been 5 days since her weigh in.  I find their stories inspiring and am so pleased for both of them.  Well done girls xoxo

WEEK 8 - day 64

I feel so sick.  I started feeling sick tonight whilst I was cooking dinner.  i also felt sick after having my morning and afternoon shake.  I think I'm going to have bars rather than the shakes tomorrow.  They're not going down well at all. 

Today went well - other than feeling sick, I've done weill with sticking to my shakes. 

I may need to have another date change as Lachlan's Grade 6 graduation may be on the 17th of October - the same day as my surgery so naturally, I'm feeling a little down. 

I'm off to bed.  Might have a Vegemite salada and see if that makes me feel a bit better.

Day 62

It's quite late so I won't stay long.  I just got back from Cath's house warming.  I am so proud of myself for not drinking more than one beer and not eating all the yummy party food!  It was quite hard to resist but I did well :)

It was great to chat to Cath and her Mum, Linda.  We spoke about weight for some time and different aspects of my journey.  I shared a few things that I will blog at a later date and it felt good to get them off my chest.  Cath and Linda are both very inspiring Women :) I have managed to see some things from different perspectives.

I need to put some photos of myself up from when I was 93kg.  It was after I had Callum (9 years ago).  I was SO skinny!  Well, as skinny as I have been in my Adult life.  I look so different.  It's nice to look at those photos and see what I am going to be able to achieve.  I'll put them up over the next few days :)

I'm going to start taking full body shots of myself and posting them here.  It's going to be great to see how my body changes over time - I wish I'd done that from the start.  I'll post them up every Monday.

I'm off to bed xo

Day 63 - just over a month to go...

I've had a wonderful weekend :)

Cath's housewarming was fantastic :) she had a wonderful time.  It was great to finally meet her Mum and Cat.  She made some really nice risotto ball things (can't remember the name of them).  They were accompanied with some mango chutney.  I had 2 along with a beer - I think that equals to the same KJ content as a shake.  May not have been as nutritious but it was certainly nice :)

I've had such a great day today.

I spent the first part sleeping, the middle part cleaning and the afternoon at the Beach with my family.

It was such a beautiful day today - especially at the beach. Not too hot or cold.  Hardly any wind.  The kids had a ball running around on the sand.

I DID intend on digging a huge hole in the sand which is something I haven't done for years.  I used to sit on the ground and dig between my knees but, I couldn't do it today.  I would probably normally feel sad and annoyed about this but I know that in a year or so, I'll be able to dig the hole :) I'll even be able to kneel on the sand if I choose to as well.  Something that I can't do at the moment.

I haven't felt like my shakes today as I am still coughing.  I had a bar this morning when I got up and a salad from Maccers for tea.  At Maccers at the moment, you get a voucher for a free Big Mac or Quarter Pounder if they take longer than making your order.  Every time I get one of their $1.95 salads, they take more than 3 minutes so I end up with one of these vouchers.  I have 7 vouchers but can't have the free burgers!  Grrr.

My cough has settled a bit.  It's still quite bad.  The sea breeze did some good today but I can't stop coughing.  It's horrible.  I hope that I'm not too bad at work tomorrow.  It's not fun!

Weigh day is tomorrow... I'm not really that nervous as I have been doing quite well this week and have been weighing myself almost every second day.  I am looking forward to next weeks weigh in as I intend on going back to the gym tomorrow.  This is when the fun begins.  I WILL reach my goal of being under 200kg before Surgery - I wonder if I can get to 190kg as well :)

Day 60 - I wanna go back to the gym!

Today I have had a shake and that was for lunch.  I have been drinking heaps of water as well.  I did try having a glass of sugar free cordial but it made me cough because it tickled my throat.  I did have a Corona with a slice of lemon though :) I guess that makes up for the shake that I missed this morning nutrition wise ;)
One of my friends Emailed me today and spoke about her pain/pleasure experience with the gym.  I miss it so much.  With Brad being in Hospital and now this bloody chest and ear thing, it hasn't helped matters much but, I'm getting better and things can start returning back to normal soon :)

I'm currently having an Optifast Chocolate Moose.  I've put it into a Cocktail glass so that it looks a bit more tempting than what it is.  The first 2 spoons of the moose were revolting but I'm now into it a bit more and they're not so bad. 

I'm looking forward to this weekend.  I'm going to take some photos - I don't have enough.  I have been a lot less camera shy knowing that I'm losing weight but it would be good to have more shots.

I am also going to do some more reading this weekend.  I'll bring a book with me on the train tomorrow.  I was reading heaps at the beginning.  I need to realise that it is now the beginning again!  Although we're up to day 60 of this whole 'thing', I really should reset the clock and start at day 1!

It feels good to be blogging again.  I forgot how much it keeps me on track. 

It is great to hear how many of my friends are still doing their thing :) I know some people who don't know me personally or on Facebook got a bit worried when I left for those few weeks as it was as if I'd disappeared off the face of the earth!  I'm so proud of people who just kept up with what they were doing.  There's some amazing stories to be told.

I'm off to bed - need some rest before tomorrow.  I need to go in although I don't feel like I can (or should).  Bloody cough!

Happy Friday everyone xoxo

P.S - I've lost 3.4kg so far this week :)

41 days to go!  :)

Day 59 - how did I get through today?

Short blog - I am SO tired!

I went to work today and I'm not sure how I made it through!  I felt awful and still do.

I was coughing so much.  Rather than putting one of my Clients on hold, I just moved the head set mic away from my mouth (after I'd explained what I was doing) and she was great - she understood that it just wouldn't stop!

I work in a call centre environment (although it's not really that) and I have a phone shift on most days - sometimes I'm on the phones for 4 and a half hours!  I got taken off my shift due to my coughing which was a relief :) anyone at my work would have to agree that not having to be on a phone shift is lovely no matter what the reason :)

I had 1 shake this morning - that was for breakfast.  I didn't have lunch - I just had lots of water (mainly soda).  I had lots of sugar free lollies to try and stop my coughing.  I didn't have anything for dinner either.  Just feeling really yuck :(

42 days to go :)

Day 58 - new surgery date

Uurrgghh, I feel so blah.

I HATE coughing the amount that I do.  I just got back from the Doctors and I have a chest and an ear infection.  He's put me on some antibiotics and I need to use Ventolin when I get wheezy which is more often than I'd like.

I stuck to my Optifasts today and I am pleased.  I bought a pack of the berry crunch bars and they were so nice.  I'll stick with them I think until my infection has gone.  I am finding it's best to drink water rather than anything at the moment.

I didn't have anything to eat for dinner.  I had 1 chocolate Optifast this morning and the 1 berry crunch bar this afternoon.  I wasn't hungry at dinner time so I'm going to bed in a minute - if I am going to make it to work tomorrow, I have to have an early one tonight!

I'm already looking forward to weigh day.  It's going to be a good one this week :)

New surgery date is the 17th of November.  THE OFFICIAL COUNTDOWN IS NOW ON.

WEEK 7 - day 57

I weighed myself for the first time in a while today. 215.5kg.  I've put on 4.3kg in the few weeks of 'hell' as I refer to it as.  It could have been worse but I'm happy that it wasn't. 

I've still lost 7.5kg so, I need to look on the bright side.

I took the day off work today.  I was up all night vomitting because I am coughing so hard.  I have been using Ventolin over the past few days because I havern't been able to breathe.  It's been awful.  I am so achy from the amount that I've coughed.  I did have a Doctors appointment at 3 this afternoon but I slept through it.  I have rescheduled for 12.30pm tomorrow.

I also couldn't attend my CPAP fitting.  With a tempreture of 39.4 (even after shower and Panadol), I'm not going anywhere other than streight to bed.  I'll have to reschdule it.

Today I've done weill with my shakes.  I had one when I got up for lunch (that was about 12.30).  I went back to bed and I had a Strawberry one for dinner along with a nice salad.  I have drunk heaps of diet cordials today as well as lots of diet Lemonade.

I think I've found my motivation again.  I want this so bad and you don't get things that you want without first working hard for it. 

Day 56 - 25 days to go :)

Only 25 days left!  I can't believe how quick it's come up.

I am feeling quite nervous.  It's almost like it's not going to happen as it's something that I've been waiting so long for.  Postponing the date didn't help that at all so, it's been nearly 3 months of preparation.  It's a bit frustrating!

Today we went to pick up Lachie from Mum and Dad's.  It is an hour and a half drive so, it's quite a journey.  The babies started to get frustrated half way there but, we managed to pull through until we got to Mum and Dad's.

Mum had mad some afternoon tea - gorgeous little Sandwiches (I could have devoured all of them), fairy bread and Lachie had made some cup cakes.  I bought my Optislim Tomato Soup and tried to make it with no success.  I can't mix it and it turns out gluggy and inedible.  I had 3 little Sandwiches and took that as being my Tomato Soup.  It filled me up.  I didn't have any of the other things so I did well.

We were supposed to go to Judy's (my Mother in Law's) for tea but I'm still not well.  I have such a bad cough and am wheezing constantly.  My joints are aching because of how much coughing I've been doing.  I have such a headache because of it as well.  I just want to feel better!  I'll make a Doctors appointment for tomorrow after work.

Next week is a new week - I'm looking forward to it.  Another week, more challenges :)

Day 55 - not long to go

Things seem to be going along nicely... Brad's out of Hospital, the hot water service hasn't broken down yet, the dishwasher is still working, I have only lost the car keys once in the past week and despite the twins having slight ear infections, everyone seems to be in good health :)

There's only 26 days until my Surgery.  I may have to change the date again as I need to be on the CPAP machine for at least 3 weeks prior and I don't think I can see Dr Goldin until the 14th of October.  Putting Surgery off for another week for this reason doesn't worry me.  I'd rather be as safe as I possibly can.

I'm still trying to find my drive.  Trying to remember what it was that kept me going for the month that I was doing so well as I am stuffing up here at there - too much for my liking.  It's not that I am being too hard on myself, it's the fact that I'm not doing whatI am supposed to be doing when it comes to my Optifast stage and I can't work out why.

I am going to speak to my Psychiatrist about it on Thursday to see what he says.  I am sure that it's not just a 1 session issue but if I can try and get some understanding into what seems to be quite a complex issue, I'll be happy.  There's a reason I am the way I am and I'd like to try and work out why.

Now that Brad is out of Hospital, I'll be able to start going back to the gym (something I really enjoy).  I'll also have more time to do my blog (something that kept me on track) and time to read.  And day light saving starts tomorrow - I intend on making the most of it and going for a walk with the Kids.  I need to get them into a habit of being healthy.  Lachie had to run my glasses to me when I was waiting for my train.  He ran about 50 metres and was puffed!  He hasn't been playing footy this year so that's one reason why he's not fit but I'd like to try and get all of the kids out walking and getting some fresh air.  Maybe Brad might come with me also?

I hope everyone is having a good weekend.  It was such beautiful Weather today.  I spent the morning at the Market with Trish and Clint.  I spent the rest of the day driving to and fro.  I'm off to Mum's tomorrow to pick up Lachie and then I need to get the boys organised to start back at School on Monday.  It's Lachie's last term as a Primary School Student.  It's gone so fast.  Feels like only yesterday I bought my tiny blond Man into Prep :) :(