Monday, April 25, 2011

Why I will succeed...

Here is an activity to try - I did this early on in the piece before I had my Surgery.  I thought I'd add it as a blog as I deleted the page that it was on.  I didn't want to lose it so I have put it here :) there is also a thought that I put up a few days before my Surgery which is something I didn't want to lose either.

In one of the books that I have purchased, there is the following activity.

You make up 4 columns and title them fears about obesity, fears about the surgery, fears about the potential to fail and why I will succeed.

It's funny as the last column is exactly what you've written in the first column.

- Not living through to see the Kids grow up
- Not being able to wear normal shoes again due to the swelling
- Headaches due to the sleep Apnoea
- Stroke, heart attack, heart palpitations etc…
- Living a ‘larger life’ for the rest of my life
- Not meeting my Grandchildren
- Dying of something related to my weight
- Not being able to have simple tests carried out because I don’t fit through their machines
- The aches and pains associated with being my size
- Feeling like I feel (emotionally and mentally) for the rest of my life
- Being this way for any longer than what I have to be


- Dying
- Not waking up from the Surgery
- The surgery not being successful (eg. they can’t get the band on)
- Having people having to move me from one bed to another because of my weight
- Crying on the day of surgery
- Not making it to my goal of under 200 kg before (or on the day of) surgery


- I am afraid of not changing my eating habits
- I am afraid of my issues regarding emotional eating that need to be addressed – why do I do this?


- I want to avoid having a stroke, heart attack or heart palpatations due to being overweight
- I don’t’ want to be big for the rest of my life
- I can’t wait to meet my Grandchildren
- I don’t’ want to die of a weight related issue
- I want to be able to be treated like everyone else when it comes time to having medical tests done
- I want the aches and pains to disappear
- I don’t want to be this way for ANY LONGER


Today I've actually calculated how many days I have left at work before I have my Surgery. It's 7. I only work part time. Getting through those 7 days is going to be interesting. I'm not feeling so great about myself at the moment and getting out of bed, onto the train and into work is going to be interesting.

I feel sad about saying goodbye to 'me'. I've only just learnt to like me. It's taken m several years to do it. I feel like I am saying goodbye to someone. A friend. Someone I know. Something that is comfortable. Familiar. I'm ready to say goodbye. To move on from this place. To discover a new. I've heard you go through a mourning period. I wonder if there's a pre mourning period as well...

I'm looking forward to it, don't get me wrong. It's the unknown that's got me... I wonder what I'll find.

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