'The Elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about' - LONG post!

I had a comment posted on my blog titled ‘For what it's worth - my take on the 'Battle of the Bulge' story on 60 minutes 17.4.2011’ that I wrote on the 19.4.2011. Here is the question…



‘a question i have wanted to pose for a long time that i would like you to answer an maybe give me insight on what other people would say is . . well why wait so long? why not start losing weight at 100kg, or 150kg or well i don’t know just earlier....before it got so far out of hand, and as a friend of a person on this track at what stage should you talk to them seriously about it? its like the big elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. . but when should a friend and how - if you have any tips. . . its not like i want to stage an intervention i just want to let her know that i am worried and that i will do anything to help but i dont want her to push me away or get the wrong idea. . hope its not to personal but please offer an honest reply (or blog because its a broad topic)’


Somewhere at some stage in the last 100 posts that I have put up, I have written about why I waited so long but, without going through each one and quote myself, I’ll go back to the start.


After the twins were born (perhaps just before my wedding which was in August 2008), I decided that I wanted to look a t getting lap band surgery. I decided that it was time because I had stepped on our bathroom scales a month or so before and they said I was 170 odd. After I I stood on them again a month or so later, they didn’t register. I was devastated. I knew they went up to 175kg so, I knew I was over this amount. I just didn’t know how much. After seeing my Doctor and getting a referral for Dr Winnett (who my Doctor just found by chance when he googled the closest surgeon who performed lap band surgery), I phoned Dr Winnet’s rooms to make an appointment. She asked me if I had private health insurance. I didn’t. I found out that the waiting list for lap band surgery was 3 years. I asked if it was based on a triage system. She said no. I was devastated. I wasn’t able to see Dr Winnett for at least 6 weeks anyway as he was so booked out but, I made the appointment anyway. In the mean time, I organised private health insurance cover (something I intended on doing before I turned 30 anyway to avoid extra fees etc…).


I missed my first appointment with him. I am not sure why. I think it was a classic CBF factor. I didn’t even call to cancel. I had other things going on in my life. I was admitted to Hospital back in August 2009 as I was diagnosed with severe post natal depression. I spent a total of 6 weeks in Hospital over the space of 4 months. It was a really tough time. My weight was one of the last things on my mind. At that time, I felt as though I had more important things to concentrate on.


I came out of Hospital on medication. I made another appointment with Dr Winnett. I can’t remember when this one was to take place but, I didn’t attend. Once again, I didn’t even call to cancel. Come to think of it, I also made an appointment to go to a lap banding seminair (you can find one in your state or territory here http://www.gastricbandingprocedure.com.au). I didn’t attend it. Nor did I call to cancel. At this stage, I still had no idea how much I weighed. No idea at all. I just know that I was very defensive about my weight. When I had blood pressure taken, I’d insist that they could use the normal sized cuff rather than the large – just one of the other things that made me feel a bit more normal.


I went back to work in March 2010 after 4 and a half years of Parental leave. This was a very scary thing to do. I had initially taken leave to lose my weight. That was my big goal. A that point, I realised I was a lot bigger however, I didn’t realise that I was around 70kg more than what I was when I left. There weren’t a lot of people that I knew at work and the ones I did know hardly recognised me. I had to arrange to get a ‘fat arse chair’ as the normal ones hurt my back. Things were going well. I had come off my medication (with support from my treating psychiatrist) and was functioning a lot better than what I had for some time.


People did bring the issue of my weight up with me from time to time. I would just answer back that I was happy with who I was and what I was doing and I would lose some weight when I was ready. Now was not the time for that. I still had no idea how much I weighed.


Long story short, I ended up getting migraines on a daily basis. They were so bad. I saw my GP who prescribed medication which sometimes worked but sometimes didn’t, I drank heaps of water, I did do a little bit of walking, I got prescription glasses which made such a difference but didn’t get rid of the headaches. I ended up going to Epworth Private Hosptial and they needed to give me an MRI. When my Neurologist asked me how much I weighed, I said around the 180kg mark. He said he wasn’t so sure that was right (he didn’t say it in a rude way) but stressed the fact it was important for me to find out how heavy I was to make sure I could lay on the bed for the MRI. That’s when they weighed me. I didn’t weigh on one set (they went up to 200kg) so they had to find another set. And their scales said I was 222.9kg. I was DEVISTATED. Some people have said that I knew but I was in denial. That’s not right at all. I had no idea how much I weighed. People around me had noticed that I was putting on weight but, I had no idea I weighed that much. I made an appointment with Dr Winnett that afternoon for the week after I got out of Hospital. I didn’t miss that one. The rest is history.


I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I went to weight watchers as a teenager. I tried Jenny Craig for a few weeks at 17. I tried starving myself. Making myself throw up. I am sure I have mentioned this in one of my blogs as well but I used to wear a belt under my clothing that I wore for at least a year or 2 and I wore it as it made me feel skinny. It gave me a waist. I have a permanent indent from this belt on my stomach to this day. At 100kg, I did try to lose weight. At 150kg, I was still trying. At 165kg, just after I’d arrange to go on my leave from work, I applied to go on the biggest loser (series 1) and as part of the application process, I joined an online forum to find other people who had applied to see how they were feeling or if they’d heard anything back from their application. On this forum is where I met my Husband, Brad. He had also applied.


We decided we’d lose our weight together. We did okay for a while. We were eating the right stuff and doing it together. I am not sure where that went wrong. Brad created a forum that was around for a few years full of people who also wanted to lose weight. A lot of these people had also applied to go on the biggest loser. I still keep in touch with a number of these people today. We were all on a mission. A few of us succeeded but, not many of us. It was almost at times like the blind leading the blind! I love those girls and am proud of our determination and will to ‘hope’ to succeed.


I guess to answer the first part of the question is I have personally tried to lose weight at each of these awful milestones. 100kg, 120kg, 150kg, 160kg, 175kg and then ‘god knows what’ kilos. And I did so without a lot of success. That’s why I turned to lap band. I only speak for myself when I say this but, I have been trying to lose weight for the past 17 years. And I am 31! I would quite often lose weight when I applied myself and tried as hard as I could. Some things work and some things didn’t. Once again, I only speak for myself but I don’t think a day goes by where an Overweight person doesn’t think about their weight. Whether it’s when they walk past a mirror and see their image or if it’s when they can’t do their pants up or to the other extreme where they don’t fit into the drivers seat of a friend’s Car.


I have often compared my case of being overweight to someone who smokes (I gave up almost 4 years ago so, I do speak from experience). You are a smoker. You do it although you know it’s bad for you. Perhaps you have a spouse or Children or some close friends who have bought up your smoking with you and you’ve just shrugged it off. You might cough up phlegm. You see the ads on TV and on the packets. You watch experts speaking on the implications smoking has on the community and the health system. But it’s just something that you do. You might want to give up desperately but until that time comes, the time when YOU’RE ready to give up rather than everyone else around you being ready for you to give up, you’ll continue to smoke. It’s the same with being Overweight. Until you’re ready to make that commitment to choose a healthy lifestyle and find the determination and momentum to succeed, you’ll continue to remain unhealthy and Overweight. It’s something that you do for you, not for others around you.


I guess this is the answer to your question about your friend. There’s nothing wrong with bringing the issue up with them. Gently speaking to them about it. Tell them that you’re worried about their health. Let them know that others are worried. I am not sure if you’re in the position to do so but even suggest that you’ll go for a walk with them twice a week. Do they know what is the right thing to eat? If not, perhaps speak to them about the basic food groups – stay away from fad diets. If you don’t already know, and they’re comfortable in telling you, ask them why they think they’re overweight. Ask them how they feel about being overweight. Often it’s more than what meets the eye. And they might not even know why they are the way they are. That’s when you might want to suggest they speak to someone about it. A good place to start is http://www.findapsychologist.com.au/ (this is assuming you’re in Australia). You owe it to them as someone who cares about them to try and do anything you can to get them over this obstacle, big or small.


I have someone close to me who is dangerously overweight. He is close to the weight that I am now (185kg or there abouts). I am scared about what is going to happen to him if he doesn’t do something soon. I can see that his weight makes him feel like crap. It has sucked the confidence out of him. His self esteem is quite low. He doesn’t realise how much his weight affects those around him. I have offered EVERYTHING to try and help him. I would do ANYTHING for him to just wake up and realise what he is doing to himself. I have spoken to him about it (as early as last night, actually) and I talk to him about the benefits of losing some weight – even 10kg. His shirts would fit better, his pants would fit better, he’d be able to walk a bit more comfortably. He’d feel more alive. I have thought about an intervention. Getting those around him who have raised the issue with me (there have been at least 10 people who have spoken to me directly about it) but, I don’t think that would help.


I’ve spent HOURS talking to this person. Everything I say falls on deaf ears. It’s frustrating. And I feel as though the person is incredibly selfish. It effects them but it also effects those around them. And they don’t care. And that’s what makes me mad. I have said this to them as well but, it’s just another thing that they just ignore. And what can I do about it? Nothing. Just sit back and wait for them to have their moment and just hope that it’s a moment like a small stroke or being diagnosed with diabetes or something like what I had, needing a simple MRI done on the brain that leads them to be weighed and hopefully it scares them enough to wake up and realise that they need to change.  I hope it's not a moment that takes them away from me or their Children and their family.


I think the worst situation a person can be in is when they used to care about losing weight, they used to have the drive to want to change, they used to try different diets every few months or make a commitment to themselves to ‘start on Monday’ only to fall over on Wednesday lose that will to try. They stop showing emotion about it. They stop crying about how big they are. How they feel about themselves when they look in the mirror. How they no longer bring it up with anyone. I think that’s when they need the most help. And that’s the position I was in before I decided to change. Let me emphasise the ‘I’. I decided to change even though others around me had decided that it was time for me to change, I finally made the decision to do something about it.


I hope this has helped somewhat. I hope this has answered your question. And I hope your friend gets help. It’s good that they have someone like you in their life who wants to help them. They will thank you one day :) – I am sure of it.

Happy 100th blog, folks! xo