Friday, May 20, 2011

So what, I'm fat. Get over it - I have.

I’ve touched on this subject before but, I am going to do it again.

Today, I went to the Laundromat. I had so many loads of washing to do – I wanted to get them done all in one hit so, 4 and a half hours later (and some how adding 4 Children into that mix), I got my washing done. I emerged from the front of the Laundromat and some guy called something out from his car. I didn’t quite catch what it was. I am not sure if it was a sound effect or if it was some words but, Brad heard it too. I ignored it for a few seconds until Brad acknowledged that he heard something as well.

I am in such a mood today. There’s a few reasons why. I have had a few moments over the past week or so that has made me question my current level of sanity! I didn’t let it get to me although I did swear a fair bit (without the kids hearing me, of course!). This happened a few weeks ago – I got called a fat slut for no reason. I didn’t even know the guys that called me it. I was called a Whale at the Gym. The time before that, I got picked on when I caught the train because I took up more than one seat. I got called a fat cow as I walked to the Gym to have a personal training session. It’s horrible having to go through it. They are unprovoked attacks. They are not fair. And although I have had to put up with it for years and years and years, it still hurts like hell.

No, they don’t know me. They don’t what sort of person they are. They don’t know how much what they say hurts. They don’t understand that it hurts more when they do it in front of my kids. They don’t get the fact that I have got a lot of other things going on in my life right now that little things like that just make me feel like snapping. I bet they couldn’t give a damn though. For whatever reason, calling me names makes them feel better. It pisses me off. And I do use it to my advantage – I use the anger that is generated by being picked on in a positive way and I work out harder as a result. But I wish I had better ammunition.

I hate it. I really do. It makes me wonder why I leave the house. Why I put myself through it. Am I really that big? Shit, I’m under 200kg now, I am a lot smaller than what I was. How bad was I then? Why didn’t I get picked on as much? I seriously don’t get it.

Anyway, I believe in karma. It will come back to them. One way or another.

Today, I stayed home from work. My finger is SO sore. The webbing feels as though it’s ripping in half. I have added another photo in my photos section so you can go and look if you’re curious. I look like a lepper! I have it covered over at the moment so that it doesn’t rub. I am probably typing at 20 words per minute. It’s very frustrating.

I didn’t go to the gym today because I don’t want to get my hand wet. I am going to give it a few days, using this anti biotic cream before I start back up.

I got a call from Michael and I am seeing him on Tuesday and Thursday next week. I have been eating quite well this week and it seems that my band is allergic to potatoes in a fried form as the chip that I pinched from the babies dinner tonight ended up coming back up – I came home and made myself a delicious piece of pan fried Salmon accompanied by a green salad with some mashed avocado and some cubed low fat Bocconcini. It was delicious. I haven’t had cooked Salmon since I’ve been banded and I was shocked at how well it goes down. It’s on my list of regulars now :)

We’re off to Werribee Zoo tomorrow. I am really looking forward to it. It will be good to get some fresh air and spend some time with the family. I hope that everyone enjoys their weekend :)

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