Monday, November 8, 2010

WEEK 12 - day whatever (92 I think?) - 9 DAYS TO GO

Thought I'd be different and blog on the Train :)

Today I'm actually intentionally taking up more room than what I normally do so that no one tries to sit next to me on the train. Sometimes people misjudge the size of their butt thinking it will fit next to my butt only to find that it doesn't. I don't feel like having any of those awkward moments day.

So, it's Monday. I feel a bit emotional today to the point where I have tears in my eyes whilst typing this! This is not a good thing to do on the train but I guess I got on at Melton - anything is possible!

People keep asking if I'm excited. I would love to say to everyone 'yeah I am but, I'm shitting myself'. I guess this would be the reaction most would expect but for me to say this would require a further explanation on my part about why I am shitting myself and more conversation. Don't get me wrong - I don't mind telling some people exactly how I feel, it's just when I talk about it, I don't know what my reaction is going to be until I start answering the question.

Today I was a wreck at work.  I had my '1 on 1' this morning with my Team Leader and at the end of it, we went through my planned leave (as part of the meeting) and we discussed my work load during the 2 weeks II have off for my Surgery (and recovery).  I have already said that if I am okay I'll come back a week earlier.

After that, I lost it!  I just started to cry.  Fiona is a fantastic team leader and I thanked her for that today.  She is approachable and supportive and I really appreciate her accepting and catering for the mess that I am in at the moment.  My job is quite unpredictable and can involve a lot of emotional phone calls and issues and when you're not feeling the best, taking each phone call can be a daunting task as you're not sure what you're going to get.  At the end of each call today, I took a deep breath and got ready to take the next.  I only had 2 dissatisfied Clients today.  Their grievance is never personal but is to do with the system however it can stilll be hard when you have someone yelling a swearing at you on the other end of the phone, especially when you're not up to it. 

I spoke to Fiona about starting my leave this Wednesday and coming back the Wednesday after the operation but we agreed that this probably wasn't the best thing to do.  I can do this.  4 more work days and then it's done.  Not long to go now...

I didn't eat today althugh I ate a huge bowl of veggies tonight.  Leek, bok choy, zucchini, broccoli and some mushrooms.  I am still a bit hungry so I am waiting for the food to settle before I have something else.  I should probably get some fluids into me before I go to bed.  I have been up since 4.30!

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank my beautiful, dearest friend, Trish.  She has been such an amazing support throughout these past months and I don't know how I would have done it without her.  She is an amazing person and I am so grateful for her being there.  She has been my rock. I actually apolgised today for being such a high maintenace friend at the moment.  And thank you to Mr Clinton for the loan of your wife during our long phone calls.  I am sure that you miss her :)

My other wonerful friends Lana, Loz, Trace, Bec (both Becs - Sydney Bec and twins Bec), Ronda, Yas, John, Judy, Chantal and anyone else who has listened to me during the past few months.  You have all been amazing.  I don't know how I would do it without them. And all the people from the banding together forum have been nothing but a pillar of support.  Your knowledge, acceptance and willingness has kept me going through some of my finest hours!  I appreciate it.

And to Cheryl and Brendan (2 of my work colleagues), you are both fantastic.  I know Cheryl reads this but I am not sure about Mr Brendan.  Cheryl has been amazing.  Especially today.  Everytime I sniffed or swore or sounded like I had a bad call, she was there for me looking out for me and making sure I was okay.  I really appreciate having you next to me :)

And to everyone who sends me messages through here and on Facebook (you know who you are), your words keep me going.  To get messages from people I used to go to School with and haven't spoken to in years saying how they are inspired and encouraged means so much to me.  I've had some amazing Emails come through.  I have kept each one.  They mean more to me than you know.

And last but not least.  To the 2 people who seem to have drawn the short straw and put up with most of the emotional roller coaster that this journey has been so far - my Mother and my Husband, Brad.  I love you both.  I have been such a bitch at times over the past few months.  You have both put up with my up and down moods, proof read things that wouldn't be easy to do, loving me for who I am.  For being hung up on (on occasions) when I just don't know what to do anymore and for enduring this stuff without turning around and walking the other way   Thank you for not giving in.  I won't let you down.  Mum, you gave me life and I look forward to finally living it.  I am going to grab it with both hands and run with it and make the most of it.  There won't be any stopping me.  You'll see.

Oh, and thank to Daddy for listening to my lecture on why fish and chips are not good for you! xo

My gorgeous Children. Lachie, Cal, David and Charlotte.  You bring me so much joy.  You have all had to put up with a moody Mum over the past few months and I appreciate your patience.  Lach and Cal - you've kept me honest by telling me off when I'm about to put something in the trolley that I purely do out of habit.  And thank you for offering to get rid of all the left over Tim Tams in the fridge :) I am sure you had no complaints doing that.

I appreciate everyone I have in my life.  Each and every one of you play a part in this journey.  It means a lot to me to know that you're there.

I feel like I've just written some kind of acceptance speech for the most important thing that anyone can have in life - love and support.

This is probably something that I should be writing in 8 days time but, it feels right to say it now.

Aaahhh, tears.  I'm off to bed xo


  1. Thank you for your honesty. It makes me feel normal. Your story is amazing. I cry almost each time I read your posts. I can relate to each one. Thank you.