The past 100+ days have been such an emotional time.
Today has been my first day since surgery that I've felt semi normal again.
When I say semi normal, I mean a day hen my head hasn't been clouded by pain killers! It's the 2nd day that I've been off them.
Now that I am feeling semi normal, I have taken a step back to see how much life has changed over the past few days. Or should I say, what hasn't changed.
Although I bought as many books as I did, no book seemed to focus on the psychological change that you go through after you have surgery. You wake up as the same but different person. This may not make sense now but I hope it does in a minute.
EVERYTHING has changed. Everything from no longer having my 2 litres of water per day (which was a habit I got into long before I decided to have surgery) to the number of times I go to the toilet during the day (sorry, I'll put my TMI indicator up now!).
You have to totally revamp your life. Even things that you used to do prior to surgery are done differently such a having a berocca. I have to let it go flat now rather than enjoying the bubbles. And I can't skull it down like I use to, it as to be sipped. I now take tablets 1 at a time rather than 3 or 4 at time for fear of them getting stuck in my band.
And I can't tell you what a strange feeling it is to not be hungry. I don't have an interest in food. I eat because I need to give my body nutrition and the energy to get through each day.
When they say that everything changes and you start a new life, it is true. I am only 6 days in. It's going to be strange to find out what I discover over the next few months.
I went and bought myself some new sneakers today as well. I told the lady that I had a challenge for her - that I am a size 11. She said that wasn't a problem and bought out these gorgeous sneakers with hot pink on them. They were lovely. Only problem - they wouldn't go over my foot because of the swelling. I ended up settling for some others that were from the Men's rage (something I am used to doing). They are comfortable. But not pink. I felt a bit sad about the pink sneakers but, I'll be back - I'll go back in a year and buy some girl's ones.
I went to the gym tonight. I took it easy. I walked a kilometre. I was going to do half an hour however, I got a stitch (just a slight one) and I listened to my body so, I stopped. I walked roughly 3km per hour for the duration of the walk. It was great to be back and it was fantastic to get the blood running back through my body again as I've been inactive for pretty much the past week.
I'll go again tomorrow night. I aim to walk for half an hour. Even if I only manage to do what did tonight (20 odd minutes), it's better than nothing and it's a start.
Brad found a photo of Callum and I the other day. I am not sure how much I weighed but I know I was 22 which was 8 years ago. I was amazed to see how I've changed.
Over the next few days, I'll get some more photos and put them up. I have also got a number of full length shots that I've taken in the past few months which I'll also put up. A number of people have noticed a change in me - I have lost over 20 kilograms after all.
I was going to go back to work tomorrow but I am glad I didn't. The thought of being elbowed in my sores on a peak hour train terrifies me.
I'm off to bed :) very tired xo