Day 100 - the day before the first day of the rest of my life... 1 SLEEP TO GO!

It was great to go to work today.  I walked to the Station this morning.  it's something that I should do more often.  It's not that far from my house and not only did it wake me up, I felt more energized when I got to work. 

I got my usual Coffee from the Station and wrote down the address of my blog for her so she can keep tabs on my progress.  I've been buying Coffee from her for the past 8 months and I don't even know her name but we know a lot about one another.  She is lovely.  She wished me well and that's when i realised that today was going to be either very confronting and emotional or easy and calming.  I didn't think it would sit in the middle.

When I got to work, I discovered that I had to move desks (again).  I knew this was on the cards that's why I didn't put up my 50 odd photos on the wall of my new/old desk that I've been sitting at for the past few weeks.  After my move, we had a team meeting.  I did the minutes to keep my mind busy.  I didn't have to go on phones which was great.  I had the chance to get all of my work up to date.

At lunch time, I spent the half an hour in a darkened meeting room, laying on the floor doing my relaxation (mindfullness) exercises.  I am pleased that I did them because right at the end of the third exercise, my phone rang and it was the Hospital just giving me a call to discuss what is going to happen tomorrow.  I found out that I am 2nd Cab of the rank and that I'll be in Theatre by about 2/2.30pm.  Aarrgghh!  I'm happy that I'm not first.  I think that would make me more nervous.

I left work early after all of my work as all done and took the kids to the park and to feed the ducks.  It was nice to spend time with them all doing something we all enjoy doing.  I bought the Camera along (as usual) and got some shocking (but real) photos of me, pre surgery...

The one where I am on the swing is SO not flattering but,as you'd know I'm not into flattery when I post my pics - I look at reality and take each moment what is.  I can't wait to go and swing on the same swing in 6 months and take a photo of myself then and compare the difference.

Tonight I plan on watching packed to the rafters followed by a move (I think it will be Asylum or the social network - not sure what yet).  I'll get up at normalish time and leave home at probably 10.30 as I'm dropping past Trish's work to give her a cuddle.

Callum was put to be about half an hour ago.  He came out just before, close to tears.  He handed me an note written in big letters 'good luck on your lap band'.  He is very worried about me.  He said he doesn't want me to die.  It a so hard to just hold him and not cry a well.  I was strong.  Strong for him.  We asked Lachlan to go to School tomorrow (despite the fact that he is feeling very sick still) to look after Callum.  Callum has asked me to get him lunch from the Bakery and bring it to his classroom before I leave to go the Hospital.  I am not sure if this will make things worse or better.  Lach is going to have his mobile on him and Brad is going to send him an SMS when I have gone in and he'll call him when I am out.  By the time I get out, the boys will be at after school care. 

If I was ever going to pull the pin, it would be now.  Seeing those huge eyes look at me in the way that they did almost tore me apart.  I feel strange.  I am not only doing this for me but also for them.  I want a better quality of life for not only me but them as well. 

I spent some time reading one of my lap band books today on the way home in the train.  It was the one that was given to me I went to my initial appointment to see Dr Winnett.  I have read it so may times and today when I read it, it felt as though I was recapping my lines for a play that I am performing in.  It was strange.  Like I am memorising my part of the script so that I get it right on the day.

Just wanted to thank everyone for the steady flow of well wishes I have been getting on my Facebook page tonight.  It means so much to know that I am supported by so many people.  I have also had a number of text messages that I also appreciate.  I'll update during the day using Facebook and if I am not able to do so (due to being groggy), I'll get Brad to do it on my behalf.  Although updating my status in a drug induced state seems appealing, I don't think that it would serve its purpose due to the fact it wouldn't make sense.

Cue the tears...

Think of me tomorrow xoxo the first day of the rest of my life will begin and I can't wait :)