Doctors, laser tag, barium and asshats

I'm SO pleased that I have my computer back to type on!  When I typed my last blog, I was on my phone in the waiting room at my Surgeon's office.  I shall not take my keyboard for granted again.

I've had an eventful few weeks and we could even stretch that out to a few months.  First I had all the issues regarding my band and vomiting etc... but the past few weeks I've been struggling with headaches and migraines.  I am pleased to report that for 3/4 of the day today, I have not had any pain at all.  I hope it continues to stay like this.  I took advantage of my mostly pain free day and took the twins bowling and to laser tag.  They had a curriculum day today.  I love my babies.  Sorry about the picture size - it's not letting me shrink it for some reason!

I am not sure what brings my migraines on.  I have tried to pin point what the cause is.  When I get one, I start thinking back to what I've been doing, eating and drinking to try and put my finger on why they start.  I have had MRIs, CT scans and other numerous tests in an attempt to work out where they come from but none of the tests have come up with anything other than the fact that everything is normal.  This is good but also frustrating.  I went to the Hospital a week and a half ago and the treatment they normally administer didn't go to plan.  I reacted adversely to the drugs that they give over a period of time so it's no longer an option for me to have that treatment anymore.  I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I have been given some new medication to try but it hasn't done anything as yet.  Now that I'm headache free again (13 days later), I can continue on with my life as normal which brings me to my next medical drama, my Gastroscopy and my barium swallow.

Everything is PERFECT!  The band is in the perfect position, I have nothing interesting going on in my stomach and all the biopsies came back normal.  It's all systems go.  I said to Dr Winnett what I mentioned in my last blog - I am quite enjoying being able to have a variety of food at the moment.  I am still continuing to lose weight but it's good to be able to enjoy a steak or a piece of chicken without worrying about vomiting.  I see him in a month so I believe that I may have a small fill then but at this point, I shall remain at 4.2ml until Dr Winnett suggests otherwise!  He was very pleased with my progress thus far.

I made my appointment with the plastic surgeon yesterday.  I am so nervous!  Nervous but excited.  I see him in a few weeks.  I am looking forward to seeing some of his work and finding out when it's possible for me to do this!  Dr Winnett has said in 20kg time.  That was 7kg ago!  I am getting closer quite quickly!  I have had a read of his website and information and I can't believe that this may actually happen.  Sooner than I thought!  I shall keep you posted.

I went to the gym tonight for the first time in 2 weeks.  I had my personal training session and I also did aqua aerobics.  I was excited to feel my FatBit buzz on my wrist when I made it to my step goal!  I haven't made it to my goal for a few weeks now.  I see Neil (my personal trainer) again in a week and we'll have a double session to make up for the fact that I wasn't able to attend last week.  I really missed the gym.  I aim to get up tomorrow morning at 5am and head on in.  Given the fact that it's 10.30pm almost, I am going to be pushing it as I LOVE my sleep!

Tonight whilst I was at the gym, I was on the exercise bike.  There were 2 men over in the area adjacent to me and they were pointing and laughing.  They then proceeded to take a photo.  I know it was a photo of me as the flash went off.  They continued laughing to one another until they noticed that I was watching.  This has made me VERY angry.  Yes, I am fat.  Yes, I do look funny on the exercise bike.  Yes, I do wobble everywhere and yes, I do sweat (just like everyone else) but that does not give ANYONE the right to take a photo of me.  I am going to speak to the manager of the gym about it tomorrow.  I am horrified to think what they are going to do with the photo.  I don't want to end up on a meme.

It's not the first time that I have been singled out for my weight.  It was only a little while ago that the kids next door were bullying me but this is different.  Kids are kids.  Adults are supposed to be adults.  But I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing.  I am going to continue to lose my weight.  I am going to push harder than before and reach places I didn't think possible.  People don't know other people's journey.  They don't know their story or what they've been through.  We have no right to judge another person.  I will continue to stick up for myself.  I will take a stand against bullying and I WON'T be deterred by some man who thinks it's funny to take photos of another human being without their permission.

I forgot about weigh day this morning so I shall do that tomorrow.  As you know, I update my weights and exercise log as I go (when I remember!) but I've been a bit slack the last month or so.  I'll try and get around to that over the next few days.  I've had a few people say to me over the last few days how I'm looking like I've lost weight :) it feels good to hear that again.

I have a headache 😔

Sorry for the lack of inactivity over the past 2 weeks or so on my blog! Firstly, my lap top broke and it wouldn't type N, Y or O! My blog would be a very interesting read without these letters! I have since gotten a replacement.

I haven't been to the gym properly in the last few weeks as I've had a non stop mixture of headaches that turn into a migraine. I ended up in hospital last week due to it. When I go there, they treat it with Largactil but due to the adverse reaction I had, I'm not able to have it again. I'm not sure where to from here but I've been ensuring I drink as much water as I can. I'm going to investigate any other natural remedies that might be out there to treat them. I have had one session of acupuncture in the past and I also went to see the Osteopath on Wednesday last week. I wish I knew what caused them as they are awful.

I'm typing this from the waiting room of my Surgeon's office. I'm having a Gastroscopy today to see if everything is okay with my band. Since the fluid has been taken out, I haven't been vomiting everything. It's been quite nice to to be able to eat small portions of steak and chicken as in the past, I haven't been able to do this due to having a lap band. Although I still have some restriction, it's nothing like it was before. I've continued to lose weight so it's all good.

I hope to get to the gym this week. I have a very busy few days ahead of me so I'm not sure where I'm going to fit everything in. I've avoided going due to the fact I fear it will make my head worse but I need to try something to make it better.

My goal for last week was to drink at least 2 litres of water a day. I didn't quite achieve it but did give it a good shot. My goal the week prior was to go the gym at least 5 times. I did this without a hitch. This week, my goal is to eat as much fresh food as I don't eat enough fruit and vegetables and want to change that. Now that I can eat a bit more than I normally can, there's no excuse for not achieving this! 

I shall let you all know how my Gastroscopy goes and if there is anything wrong. Fingers crossed there isn't. 

5 weeks in and still going strong

Well, I'm 5 weeks in and I'm still going strong.  When you decide to change something, I find it quite invigorating when you make it to (or past) a certain point that you weren't even sure you'd get to.  The last 5 weeks has gone really quick and I'm glad that I am more determined than ever to stay to keep going and see this through.

The issues I had with my band are no longer bothering me which is good.  I can still eat, drink and sleep without any issues.  I actually had a steak on Wednesday night for the first time years without worrying if I was going to vomit or not (steak is normally a big no no when you have a lap band as it gets stuck).  I am still very mindful that I can eat more and I am still very careful when making decisions regarding my food choices.

I've decided that I am going to set a goal for myself at the beginning of each week.  I'm going to put some thought to them as I want them to be achievable yet challenging.  Some of the things that have gone through my head are drinking 2 litres of water a day (I'm not great at that!), going to the gym 5 times a week (without fail!), eating more fruit and vegetables or trying a new class at the gym.  This will keep me focussed and engaged.

I'm finding that my fitness levels are increasing quite rapidly.  I was on the cross trainer last night for 6 minutes - that is the most I've ever done.  I had my personal training session with Neil last night and I think he was quite impressed with the fact that I was able to talk through most of my session (impressed that I could do it, not so impressed that I'm a chatterbox!).  Due to all the excitement with my band, I wasn't able to attend my favourite classes at the gym this week (aqua and fat blaster) but I look forward to going back next week.

I put on some weight this week which didn't really bother me.  I have lost lots of centre meters over the last month which is good.  I think regardless of what the scales say, so long as you know you've done the right thing then you're fine.  I wasn't able to do much exercise last week due to the my band issues so I am putting it down to that.  It will motivate me to work harder this week :)

I'm putting together a list of questions that I get asked about my band and I'll share them with you in a few weeks.  The answers are purely based on my experiences and as everyone's experiences are different, I always direct people to a form called 'banding together'.  You will find lots of bandits at all different stages who are happy to answer your questions.  They are full of helpful information and they are a great bunch of people - head over to www.bandingtogether.com.au should you wish to check the forum out :) 

I hope everyone has an amazing weekend xo

Testing times ahead (and a small rant)

If you read the blog I wrote last night, you'd know that I had fluid taken out of my band last night and I couldn't quite wait to have an amazing sleep.  I guess you couldn't ask for anything better than that after not sleeping more than 2 hours straight for 2 weeks?  Well, my band had other ideas.

I went to bed at around midnight.  I woke up at 1.  Then 2.  3.  4.  5 and 6.  And finally, 7.  Each time, I woke up vomiting.  This horrible thick coloured acid (bile) that stung the back of my throat.  I've been so tired today as a result.

I called Dr Jason Winnett's rooms shortly after they opened and informed them of what was going on.  They consulted with Jason and phoned me back informing me Jason had recommended go and get 1ml of fluid out from my band.  I phoned the place where I got to have this done and they had no one there who could do it.  I phoned Jason's rooms back and informed them what had transpired.  They phoned me back about half an hour later and let me know that Jason had managed to locate a Doctor at the imaging centre who would do it for me.  I was relieved.  There was no way I could have another sleepless night.

I made the appointment at 1pm and the Doctor was able to take out 1ml of fluid.  I currently have 4.2ml in there which is less than what I have had since I have had my band I believe.  I am able to drink freely and eat food.  Let's just hope that I don't have another night of vomiting.

I got home only to be greeted by the children next door.  They were standing out the front of my house shouting out 'look out for the fat lady, it's the monster house'.  For anyone who isn't familiar with the movie 'monster house', one of the characters is a very large lady and she meets this man who she falls in love with.  ***Spoiler alert*** They go to build a house and she spends most of the time yelling at the children who walk past.  Anyway, one day, she falls in a hole and is covered with cement and the house is haunted as a result.  Her name was Constance.



Rest in peace, Constance

Although they are children, it still hurts.  I spent almost every single day being bullied when I was in Primary School and High School.  The song 'I feel the earth move under my feet' was sung by a group of girls every single time I walked past them.  A girl refused to let me on the bus one day as she believed I would pop the tyres so she closed the door as a result.  I missed on a school excursion because of it. 

As an adult, the bullying hasn't subsided.  People assume just because I'm fat I live off take away, I don't exercise, I have diabetes, cholesterol - whatever.  All because of what I look like.  People assume that I am a strain on the health system.  I've been told I shouldn't have been allowed to have children as I'm not responsible enough to look after myself so why should I have the care of someone else.  I've heard it all before but it still hurts.  I think the reason I might be upset about what they called me tonight is because I've never been called monster house before.  It's a new name.  And new ones hurt and take me back to when there were lots of new names.  And I hate it.

Over the past few years, I have worked hard on accepting myself for who I am.  I am fat.  But I am also remarkable.  As a bigger person, I often have to work harder to gain respect from people.  It can be harder for me to get a job and it can be more difficult to convince someone that just because I'm big doesn't mean I'm lazy.  I've spent a lot of my life pushed aside to make room for someone better and it does cut deep but I do have a thick (and fat) skin and I shall get past this.  No matter how big I am, I am an amazing person.  I would love to have me in their life.  And I know those who do have me are glad they do.

So FTW!  And I shall concentrate on my weight loss despite that it's going to be harder than ever to be able to use my band given the fact that it's not going to be doing a lot because I've got this and I will get through the testing times ahead.



A long time ago.  Me at 240kg odd.  Yes, I can see the resemblance to the character from monster house when I was that big but I don't see it now.

 



Another quickie

After another sleepless night last night, I was ecstatic to go and get some fluid taken out of my band today!

They took .3ml out of my band before they did the barium swallow.  The barium tasted revolting but I was told it was supposed to taste like strawberries.  It tasted like I was drinking the sweat out of someone's sandy sneakers.  It was vile.  I had to take 3 large mouthfuls of it.  Urgh.  To do the stress test, they get you to eat some food prior to taking more pictures.  I was handed a double chocolate chip cookie!  I asked them if they had any saladas or something else that I could have as I mentioned I was concerned about how bad it was for me and they offered me their only other alternative - a Tim Tam.  I stuck with the cookie. 

A photo of my port with the needle inside it.

I know I'll hear from Dr Winnett if there is anything to be concerned about.  He'll have the pictures by tomorrow morning so I'll sit and wait until then.  I also have a Gastroscopy booked for early August to check out if there's anything interesting going on inside. 



It's so nice to be able to eat and drink again!  I didn't realise how bad things were until after they had taken the fluid out.  From the moment I sat up, I could feel that it was better.  I look forward to having a good sleep tonight.  I certainly need it. 

I've had a few questions about my banding issue.  Has my band slipped?  I don't know.  I'll find out tomorrow.  Was there too much fluid in there?  Yes, it appears as though that was the case.  It didn't feel like to begin with but over time, it got worse and worse.  Am I going to have a sleeve procedure if I need to have more surgery?  Probably not.  But it's not something I'm worrying about right now.

I have my PT tomorrow which I'm looking forward to.  I have so much to do tomorrow but hardly any time!  I am going to work on my meal plan for the week as well which takes quite a while.  I'm looking forward to the rest of the week and doing much as I can :)

Trying to find the sweet spot

A quick blog tonight but I shall write more tomorrow.

The last few days have been a bit of a struggle as I've been struggling to determine if my band is too tight.  For the first few days after my fill, I lived on yogurt, soup and smoothies.  Things settled over the weekend and then last week, I couldn't keep much down again and I kept waking up vomiting stomach acid.  I've been really tired and most of the week due to the fact I'm missing out on a few hours of sleep each night, food and drink but despite this, I've still been able to function as normal.

It's hard to describe what having a band that's too tight feels like but the best thing I can compare it to is a knot in the throat.  You know that feeling you get when you are nervous about something or you've just heard some really bad news and you get this massive knot or lump in your throat?  That's what it feels like.  24/7!  It's a pain!  And very uncomfortable.

Waking up every few hours vomiting isn't fun either.  The acid burns my throat.  Every time I vomit, I have to get up and rinse my mouth out so I end up wide awake!  I've been vomiting every 20 minutes or so today.  And it was the same yesterday.  I had school yesterday and managed to keep things down there but as soon as I was on the way home, my lunch came back up :/

I called Dr Winnett this evening and let him know that I think I need to have some fluid out.  I'm doing that tomorrow.  I'm also going to have a barium swallow (where I drink some revolting liquid and it shows up on an X-Ray - I'll share pictures tomorrow) and he is going to do an upper Endoscopy over the coming weeks just to make sure everything is okay.  He's going to get them to take out .2ml out tomorrow to see if that eases things. 

I shall post an update when I have some news.  I do hope nothing is wrong :) can't wait to have a good nights sleep tomorrow night!

Who wears short shorts? I wear short shorts.

First things first.  The last few days have been pretty tough since I had my lap band filled.  I have found it hard to keep some things down but each day has been getting better.  I ended up taking 2 days off work due to the fact that each time I drank something, half of it would need to be spat out.  Today is much better.  I have been able to eat normally (well, as normally as you can when you have just had a fill!) and I'm happy things seem to be continuing in the direction they should be.  I've also began taking Nexium which is for stomach acid.  I used to take this a few years ago to help with stomach acid.  This has provided a lot of relief. 

I had a bit of a dilemma yesterday.  Both my pairs of gym pants were in the wash and I wanted to go to the gym before everyone got home.  I had just folded a pair of bike pants that I wear around the house.  I decided that I would venture out to the gym in my bike pants and I am SO glad I did.  No, I don't look the best in them but they are much more comfortable than wearing my gym pants.  I can move around a lot better and I get more done.  I'm also not as hot. 

I know that there are a number of people who don't believe bigger people should wear the same sorts of things as what smaller people wear but I don't agree with that.  One of my gorgeous friends taught me a long time ago that you should wear what you are comfortable wearing and f**k whatever anyone else thinks.  Although I had decided I was going to wear them, I ran the thought past some of my friends and the support I had was amazing.  Thank you, lovely ladies (you know who you are) xo I wore them to the gym again today and shall continue to do so.  If people don't like what I look like in them, they shouldn't look.

Muscle pose is for comical purposes only :P I am aware that lots of weightlifters often do this in the mirror.  I failed quite miserably at being funny!



They don't look the best but gosh they're comfortable!

 Yesterday, I did 15 minutes of bike and 15 minutes of treadmill.  Today I decided to mix things up a bit.  Given the fact it's Saturday, there was hardly any one there so I had the front room to myself!  This is the room that the fat blaster class is held in so I just used some of the equipment and made myself a circuit.  I did the following for a minute with a 20 second break in between. 

1. Throwing a 6kg medicine ball in the air
2. Kettle bell squats
3. Push ups against the wall
4. Pull ups
5. Boxing using the punching bag
6. Marching on the spot and getting my knees as high as I can
7. Battle ropes (the really heavy ropes you hold at the end and make them ripple down)
8. Step ups

Once I had finished this, I would go out into the main gym and jump on the cross trainer.  I would go for 5 minutes but would have a 20 second rest and then go as fast as I could for 30 seconds.  I did 3 circuits, 2 lots of cross trainer and then a cool down.  I was WRECKED!  I also did something that I haven't done for a few years.  I ran :) I ran for 30 seconds!  I was so proud of myself.  I look forward to being able to do it for a bit longer each time I try.  Maybe I should try right at the start of my work out before I'm tired next time!

 

 

I had my flu shot yesterday and whilst I was there, my Doctor asked if he could weigh me.  I was 184.4kg on his scales.  I'm going to continue to weigh myself using my scales each week (these come up with the same figure as the ones at my Doctors) as I would like to know how well I'm tracking.  I wasn't sure if they were very accurate but they seem to be a kilo or so out so I'll take that! 

 

I'm really enjoying putting cut up fruit in my water.  I've had a few different suggestions on other things to try today.  Can't wait to put them to the test. 

 

Happy that I'm still feeling excited and on track.  The 19th of July marks 1 month since I restarted my journey.  Things are good :)



A panni what?

'A panniculectomy is when a pannus is surgically removed. A pannus is excess skin and adipose tissue, sometimes referred to as an apron that hangs down over ones genitals and/or thighs'.

I'd like to talk all things fatty apron/lower stomach/hanging stomach/tummy below belly button or as I call it, my fat.  Here's a before and after picture of someone's fat removal.  Obviously mine is a bit more excessive but you'll get what I'm talking about...

If you know me (or even if you don't) it's not secret that my fat hangs quite low.  The more weight I lose, the lower my fat hangs.  The lower my fat hangs, the harder it is for me to do certain things.  For example, my fat rubs against the steering wheel of my car, I find it hard to put shoes on as it gets in the way, I can't use one of the exercise bikes at the gym (the one where you are slightly laying down) as my fat gets in the way, I can't use the rowing machine, I find it really awkward to do certain stretches, my movement is restricted as my fat just hangs and gets in the way, I hate wearing pants as then it is clear how big my fat actually is - this is not an exhaustive list but you get the point.

The other thing that concerns me is getting an infection.  I ended up with a boil some years ago that turned into cellulitis.  I ended up in hospital for 10 days.  The boil ended up spreading all the way across my fat underneath my belly button and it was very infected.  The plastic surgeon wanted to operate on me and 'grate' my infection to encourage new skin to grow.  It had to be dressed in gauze that had been soaked in Betadine 3 times a day.  I spent a fair bit of time on morphine for the pain as it was that bad.  I almost died as I had septicaemia.  It was not fun. 

So ever since yesterday when Dr Winnett indicated that he felt that I would benefit from having the surgery when I'd lost another 20kg, I have been paying attention to my fat and how much it actually does get in my way and stop me doing things and after monitoring it for 24 hours, I would love to get rid of it and I'm going to work just that little bit harder to lose the weight so I can maybe look at having it done in the next 6 - 12 months.

A mixture of emotions come up when I think about it.  I feel happy as I'll be able to wear jeans, yoga pants and other types of clothing that simply don't fit due to my fat.  I feel disappointed in myself for letting myself get so big that's resulted me to require surgery like this.  I'm scared as I've done a bit of research into it and I read words like drains, no showers - only baths and blood clots.  I also worry about dying (I always worry about dying before any type of surgery).  Then I think about how free I'll feel without it.  I'll be able to do things I can't do now and I'll wonder why I didn't do it sooner.

I'm going to take some photos of my fat (I won't share them until it's gone) as I want to be able to compare before and after shots.  The results will be amazing.  I need to remember that at the same time I think about some of the things I'm nervous about.

I found this article about this lady in the UK.  She was my starting weight (minus a few kilograms).  I found it very inspiring :) her fat (she named it Fred) weighed 19kg) which makes me wonder how heavy mine is.  It feels like it's about 10kg.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2539219/Woman-lost-22st-gastric-bypass-surgery-3st-excess-SKIN-removed-including-solid-lump-stomach-nicknamed-Fred.html

If you have had this surgery and are happy to share your experience with me, please get in touch.  You can email me at movingforwardlookingforward@gmail.com or inbox me at www.facebook.com/movingforwardlookingforward

Lots of changes :)

I have had a very busy day today and I am so proud of myself on many counts.

Firstly, I had my monthly appointment with Jason Winnett.  I saw him at around 8.20am.  He was very pleased to see me and is ecstatic that I am back on track.  He weighed me and I weighed 187.2kg.  Just as I thought, my scales are a little bit out as at home I weighed in at 186.6kg.  No big deal.  It just means I'll add a kilo to my weight should I weigh myself at home.

We discussed the topic of surgery again.  I hate this terminology but my 'fatty apron' or 'lower stomach' or as I like to call it my 'fat' is getting in the way of doing things.  I may even dedicate a whole blog to it.  He has suggested that I lose 20kg and then have it removed.  I feel lots of different things about this.  I shall ponder on it and then write about it in the next day or two.

He sent me off for a fill.  I was terrified that my port had flipped again.  He is unable to do fills in his office for a few reasons.  Firstly, my port is on a horrible angle.  It is really hard to get to and many needles have been bent as a result of people trying to put fluid in it.  Secondly, because of my weight, it is quite hard for him to get to.  The length of the needle that he has had to use in the past is terrifying!  And for someone who hates needles, I HATE looking at it!  He sends me to an imaging place in the City where the person giving the fill is able to use an X-ray to locate the port and guide his needle to the right spot.

I drove to the City (gotta love the morning traffic) and I was hoping the man who used to do my fills was there but I am not sure if he works there any more (it has been 2 and a bit years since I got one done).  The bed for the machine is quite scary as there is nothing under it - no legs to hold it up or anything.  It simply sticks out from something and I always worry that it's going to break!  It took the man around 20 minutes and 2 goes to get the fill in.  I had 5ml to begin with and I had an additional .5ml put in.  That doesn't sound like a lot but oh wow, I can feel it!  I sat in the waiting room for 10 minutes to see how it felt before heading off to work. 

The big X-Ray machine that shows the man what he's doing in real time :)

I shall lay and wait patiently!  I was not pleased at this point as I was a bit anxious about the needle :/

All done :)

When I arrived at work, there was food all over my desk as we were having a morning tea.  It smelt SO good!  I couldn't have any of it but it was nice to passive eat!  I just kept sipping water and I had a cup of soup for lunch but made sure I didn't eat any of the noodles, peas or corn as I'm pretty sure that would make me vomit as it would get stuck.

Tonight I had my personal training session.  Neil got me to do some work in the pool.  It is a different type of hard work to doing exercises on the treadmill and the bike.  You feel it a lot more in your muscles.  After a while, everything starts to ache!  I see him again next Tuesday.  As soon as I had finished my PT, I was on a mission to get to fat blaster!  I had 20 minutes!  I ran in the door of my house, dried my hair, got changed out of my wet clothes and ran out the door.  I made it! 

The instructor was pleased to see me.  I made sure I let her know that the reason I didn't do aqua last week wasn't because of her but because I had something else on.  I didn't want her to think I was too sore or she wore me out after the first fat blaster class.  Tonight's class was just as hard as last week.  I started off with throwing a medicine ball in the air and catching it, marched on the spot and used these handles on a rope to pull myself up.  She is amazing.  She has so many ideas on how I can work around the things I can't do.  And when I think about the things I can't do, it's either because it makes my knees hurt or because my tummy (more so my fat) gets in the way.  We went on the cross trainer and had to do 20 seconds as fast as we could with a 20 second break.  I think we did this 8 times but I couldn't tell you.  I was buggered by then I didn't think to count!

2 classes in one night and 2 fat blaster sessions down :)

When I got home, I blended up the soup that I made before leaving (potato and leek), jumped in the shower and now I'm writing this :) I had forgotten how much help the band is in restricting the quantity you eat.  I know that is what it's for but after not having restriction for so long, I am pleased that I made the decision to get it filled.  For those who don't know much about lap band, my band wasn't empty.  I did have some restriction but I shouldn't be able to eat things like bread, sushi, bread rolls, steak and chicken.  I have been able to eat all of that for a few years.  It has to be the right texture but it has gotten through.  Now, even the yogurt I'm eating has totally filled me up and I've only had 3 tea spoons and 5 soup spoons of soup.  Now is the time when I go back to basics.  Multivitamins, calculated meals to make sure I am getting everything I need in the small amount I'm allowed along with the need to be creative in my ideas of what to make. 

So, here we go.  Things are getting serious now!  I'm excited :)

While you were sleeping...

I had my first day back at work today in a week and a half.  My alarm goes off at 5.45am but this morning I woke up at 4.45am and I couldn't get back to sleep.  Instead of trying to get back to sleep to only have a maximum of an hour before I had to get up, I decided to go to the gym.  And I'm hoping to make it a regular thing. 

It was so busy there!  Not 6.30pm busy but busy all the same.  It's been a few years since I've been to the gym that early and I forgot how many crazy people there are in the world!  I do mean crazy in a good way.

I did 15 minutes on the bike and 15 minutes on the treadmill.  As I was finishing up on the treadmill, my 5.45am alarm went off and I felt quite proud of myself for being there instead of in bed hitting the snooze button.  When I got home at around 6.10am, I made lunches for all the kids, cut up some yummy fruit for everyone (including myself) and made a delicious chicken salad.

I went to work feeling vibrant and invigorated.  Although I got my morning coffee, I didn't feel as though I needed it like I normally do. 

I also went to the gym tonight :) I've been to Aqua Aerobics for the past 2 weeks in a row and the instructor of that said that she thought I would enjoy the class she holds on a Wednesday night - Fat Burner.  She told me that she would make sure I could do things by altering some of the activities to accommodate my knees and my petiteness (yes, I am being sarcastic there).  I wasn't really sure what the class was about but I am SO glad I went.  It was a circuit type class.  There were 10 stations ranging from push ups to battle ropes.  The only things I wasn't able to do were skipping, burpees and sit ups but instead I did marching for the skpping station, push ups on the wall for the burpess station and a plank thing at the sit up station.  After we had a break, she lead us to the treadmills and we walked briskly at a steep incline at a fast speed, 20 seconds on and 20 seconds off.  OMG!  I looked like I was sunburnt afterward!  It was a fantastic workout.  I'll be back next week for sure!

I felt a bit emotional during one of the stations.  We needed to lift 2 15kg weights and walk around with them.  2 x 15kg = 30kg.  Twice this amount is almost what I've lost.  It's HEAVY.  And it actually made me feel sad, proud, happy, teary all at once.  I can't believe I carried that around with me for the amount of time that I did.  I'm so glad it's gone.

Not sunburnt!  Hot!

 

I also had another PT session on Monday just gone.  I was really proud of myself as I managed 3 and a bit minutes on the cross trainer.  That might not sound like a lot to some but for me, that's huge.  I really pushed myself to do that amount.  I am going to try and increase my time by 10 - 15 seconds every time I go on it :)

I'm also looking for another challenge.  If you've been following my blog for a while, you may remember when I climbed the 46 floors of my building to raise money for the cancer council.  Well, I am trying to think of another quest to conquer!  I'm open to ideas.  I really want to do the colour run this year but I want something more unique.  Hit me up with ideas as I want to start training for something.

It's weigh  day tomorrow.  To be honest, I don't think I've lost anything.  Although I have been pretty good with my food and not bad with my exercise, I can do better.  I'm am pleased that I am up and about and feeling motivated.  If I've lost anything, it will be only a few grams.  I shall update tomorrow :)

What a week :)

It's been around a week since I got back on track with things and I am so proud of my efforts thus far. 

I've been to the gym 4 times, I've eaten really well and I have been conscious of making the right choices (I just refused chocolate even though I really, really, REALLY feel like eating some!).

I had my first PT session in around 2 and a half years on Monday.  It was more of a fitness test to see where I'm at and although I didn't ask the results of the test, I know that I'm not very fit at all!  I asked my PT to take some full length photos of me.  I don't particularly like the photos but they are a good yard stick to measure how far I've come.  I look at ones from when 165kg and I know that I can get back there.  It's very motivational to look back at where I was and know that it's achievable.  You'll be able to see below the massive difference that 20kg can make.  I put all of the photos I have taken up on my facebook page which you can find at www.facebook.com/movingforwardlookingforward
 

185kg



Around 165kg





I have another PT session tomorrow at 1.30 and I don't think he is going to go as easy on me this time! 

 

I was really proud of myself today though.  I went to the gym yesterday with my eldest son and because we were both together and we were chatting etc... the time went by quickly.  Today, I didn't have anyone to talk to.  I walked in and went on the bike first for 10 minutes and then jumped on the treadmill.  After about 5 minutes of being on the treadmill, I was annoyed and bored!  Rather than giving up, I covered up the time and the speed with my towel and increased the incline.  I looked at the time again about 5 minutes later (I thought it was that much!) only to find that I had only walked for another 2 minutes!  So I increased the speed to 5km an hour.  At this point, I was hot and puffed and honestly felt like giving up.  But I didn't.  I kept on going.  And I am so proud of myself for doing so.  When I do little things like that, I KNOW I can do this.  It will take time but I will get there :)

 

Hot and sweaty and yuck! :P

I'm amazed at the support I've received over the last few days (I know I've said this each time but it's true!).  The messages of encouragement have been wonderful.  I have also jumped on Instagram - movingforwardlookingforward - I thought that I would go there and share my photos of food, quotes and other things.  I am going to use the hashtag #fatfitspo.  For those who don't know what a fitspo its, according to urban dictionary Fitspo is 'short for "fitsporation" Images of active, strong, and fit women that promote proper exercise and diet.' I shall also adopt the hastag #fatspiration - I believe that both these hashtags are commonly used for the purpose that I am using them for (I honestly thought I had thought them up!).

 

Oh, and it's weigh day tomorrow!  I can't wait to find out how I have gone.



I must wear my FatBit, I must wear my FatBit...

So I got my FatBit a week and a half ago.  I planned on wearing it even though I had no intention of increasing my movements just to see how much I don't actually do and today (the first day that I have been out and about since I got it), I left it next to the bathroom sink!  I'm not sure how many steps I did (I wouldn't have reached my 10,000) but I'm cross! 

We went to a park in Gisborne today.  It was FREEZING but there was a great walking track.  I took the dogs for a walk around it with my eldest.  The doggies got so cold!  I am going to have to put their jackets on next time we go.

Baby Milly and I :)

My Pug Dog, Peppa <3 font="">

Baby Rosie :)

I have my first PT session in a few years tomorrow.  I am a bit nervous!  I told the PT over the phone that I have a sore knee at the moment.  I did say that he doesn't need to go easy on me.  I saw him once or twice before I stopped everything so he knows that I will go as hard as I can - no excuses.  I shall write how I go tomorrow (so long as my arms aren't so sore that I can't type!).  I SHALL make sure I bring my FatBit tomorrow!

Today I ate normal food.  I felt a bit queezy from the shakes.  I think that my body remembers what it was like being on them for 8 weeks so long ago!  I bought some bars to eat instead of the shakes so I may do a shake for breakfast, a bar for lunch and a soup for dinner.  I don't want to feel icky again! 

I also think it's time for another fill :) I have an appointment with Dr Winnett next month.  I am certainly in the green zone (my band is the perfect tightness) but I am thinking it's a little too green.  I need a bit more put in and I know that last time I saw Dr Winnett he wrote me up a referral to have some done (which I've lost!) so I may ask him to post it to me so I can get it done this week :) here is a chart that helps you determine which zone you are in.  I've been in the green zone for a while but I've also been in the red zone, so much so I couldn't even swallow water!  That was NOT fun.

For those of you who don't know, the lap band is a band that makes the size of your stomach smaller.  It is done up around your stomach like a watch and a small tube runs from the band to a port which is placed almost between your ribs and belly button under your boob (or chest if you're a boy!).  The port is underneath the skin and is located when you need a fill or when you need fluid removed.  They use a needle to get to the port (the needle is VERY long!) and I'm fortunate that I don't feel the needle go in but some Patients experience a stinging sensation along with pressure when they have theirs done.  I end up with bruises after mine.  I also have to go and get mine done under an XRay due to my size so it's a pain in the bum having to drive into the city each time I need one.  I look forward to when Jason can do it in his rooms like he used to.  I have put up photos in the past of the needle, my puncture marks and my bruises.  I shall post some more next time I go as well!
 
I want to thank you all once again for the support since 'coming out' :P it's been fantastic to have so many people behind me.  I can't wait until weigh day on Thursday to see how well I've gone.  I know that not everything is in the numbers.  I remember there were months where I worked my butt off and did everything right but never lost anything so, I may not change on the scales but I'm sure I will given the fact I've done pretty much nothing over the last few years.  We shall see...

:)

Updated weights and measurments... gulp!

I weighed myself yesterday morning.  I confessed to a few people that I thought I would be close (it not slightly over) 200kg.  I am pleased to say that I wasn't. 

I thought that I would post my weight history along with my current weight.  This makes me feel pretty good about where I'm at today :)

04.8.2010 - 243kg (535 lb and 11.57 oz)
02.12.2010 - 218kg (480 lb and 9.72 oz)
17.3.2011 - 197.4kg (434 lb and 4.97 oz)
28.4.2011 - 193.4kg (425 lb and 7.87 oz)
09.06.2011 - 186.3kg (410 lb and 11.53 oz)
20.07.2011 - 176.8kg (289 lb and 8 oz)
25.08.2011 - 171.2kg (around 379 pounds)
23.09.2011 - 165.9kg (around 365 pounds)
16.11.2011 - 176.4kg (around 389 pounds)
30.11.2011 - 172.1kg (around 379 pounds)
2.8.2012 - 199.6kg (around 440 pounds)
25.10.2012 - 199.9kg (around 440 pounds)
Sometime in February 2013 - 209kg (around 460 pounds)
6.2.2013 - 204kg (around 449 pounds)
11.4.2013 - 211kg (around 465 pounds)
27.9.2013 - 196.4kg (around 433 pounds)

Enough with all of that - the figure I care about it the one I wrote down yesterday (drum roll please...)

I'm currently 186.6kg :) this means that I have lost 57kg since I started my journey.  And that's pretty amazing.

I'm right in the middle of the lowest I got to back in September 2011 and the magic number of 200kg.  I'm in an amazing place.  I was on top of the world when I heard my scales say that number and it's certainly motivated me.  I am just pleased I'm still under 200kg. 

I had to read back through my blog to get the last few weights and I can see where things went wrong.  But I'm determined to give it another shot.  I took my measurements as well (I'll write these up here should you wish to read them - http://movingforwardlookingforward.blogspot.com.au/p/measurements.html).  I take my measurements every month so I'll update them again mid July.

Today I went down to the Chemist and purchased some OptiSlim.  As I said yesterday, I am going to do shakes for a few weeks to get some of my weight off so I can exercise without being sore.   I am going to stop them when I've lost 10 or 15 kilograms and then I will start eating as I normally would.  I used to use the OptiFast but the difference in price is huge!  I also prefer the variety in the OptiSlim range.  I got the premium ones as they sounded better than the normal ones.  I am going to have the shakes to replace my breakfast and lunch.  For dinner, I'll have a shake and some vegetables but the nights that I feel like something a little extra, I'll have whatever I've cooked the rest of the family for dinner that night.  I'm not going to go to hard.  I want it to be sustainable.

I'm glad I knew what I was looking for today.  There were shakes and diet products as far as the eye could see!

 

Tomorrow I will take my body shots and I shall post them up.  I can't remember how often I used to take these (I think it was monthly).  I'll also get to the gym at some stage as well.  My weekends are flat out but this is where making time comes in. 

I'd like to thank everyone for their messages of support since I restarted my blog.  It's been lovely to have such positive feedback.  I've started  a Facebook page as well to compliment this blog.  It's www.facebook.com/movingforwardlookingforward feel free to check it out.

Enjoy your weekend :)

I have a weightloss Facebook page!

A few people have suggested to me that I start a Facebook page about my weight loss journey.  Feel free to like it if you wish to :)

https://www.facebook.com/Movingforwardlookingforward

57kg down, 101kg to go. Time to get back on track.

17.12.2013.  This is the date that I last updated my blog and in that time, so many things have changed and I'm not even sure where to start!

If you are one of my regular readers, you would have noticed that I slowly dropped off the face of the planet, never to be seen again!  Once I've finished typing this, I'll respond to the many emails I've received in the past 577 days.  Although many things have changed during that time, a few remain the same.  I'm still fat, I still want to lose weight and just like right at the beginning of my journey back in July 2010, I once again have a desire to tackle one of the biggest (no pun intended) challenges in my life - tackling my weight.

I've been thinking about this for the past few weeks and I'd like to talk about the reasons I have decided that it's time.  It's not because that man called me a 'fat c**t' the other week, it's not because I quite often feel as though I shouldn't leave the house due to comments I see made to women who are smaller than me from people who are fat shaming bullies nor is it because I'm not happy in my own skin.  The main reason is quite simple - I have a sore knee!

I have noticed in the past few months that my left knee is aching after I've climbed a few stairs or been sitting for a long time.  I signed up to a gym last night and I went there tonight for the first time in a few years.  I did Aqua Aerobics.  I did this class for a few reasons but mainly because it would offer me a low impact workout and I'd also be able to identify where my sore points are and yep, my left knee and ankle are most certainly sore.  I have decided that I may go on shakes for a few weeks to lose 15 kilograms or so I can then work out to my full potential.  I haven't yet worked out my plan of attack yet but I shall conjure up something.

I also know that exercising is going to not only help with my physical health but also my mental health.  During my journey, I have touched slightly on my 'quirks' and I'll talk about them in more depth over the next few months.  I don't need a study to show that I feel better when I've been exercising and when I'm looking after myself.  I was on cloud 9 when I was at my peak a few years ago.  Over time, I look forward to getting back there.

I purchased a FatBit last week (I know, I know - it's really a FitBit but I'm not fit yet!) and I haven't done anything different since purchasing it so I wasn't really shocked that not once have I met my 10,000 steps goal.  This must change! If you want to add me as a friend the FitBit app, my Email address is movingforwardlookingforward@gmail.com

A bit about me (for those who don't know!), I'm 35.  I have 4 children aged 16, 14 and twins who are 7.  I work at a desk job 3 days a week and I'm also studying (Diploma of Community Services) so I need to find time in amongst these things to exercise. And I will find the time as I want to find the time.  One of the reasons I used to use was 'I don't have the time' but I didn't have the time when I first ran on the treadmill a few years ago or when I climbed the 46 flights of stairs in my office building.  I actually had less time then than what I do now. 

I look at who I was a few years ago and I want to be back there.  I want to feel that feeling of health, accomplishment and achievement.  I want to be able to inspire others, prove to myself I can do this and also one day wear a bikini!  I still have goals, hopes and dreams.  And I look forward to sharing them all with you again in the weeks, moths and years to come. 

There are so many things I want to talk about.  I am FURIOUS how recently it appears that it's okay to 'fat shame' someone.  It is NOT acceptable.  Some of you may remember a few years back when I was told that I should buy 2 tickets when I catch the train to accommodate my 'fat ass'.  It wasn't acceptable then and it's not acceptable now.  Over the last few months several of my friends have experienced this and it has to stop.  It is not on and I won't stand for it.  I have my voice back and I'm not afraid to tell it how it is.

As I said at the start, a lot of things have changed but I am lucky that the important things have stayed the same.  I have the most amazing group of people in my life.  As some people know I've had a very upsetting few weeks and It's interesting that it's always the hard times that reveal who your true friends are.  You know who has your back when you get knocked down only to stand tall again to see who is still standing with you.  And you all know who you are and I thank you for your understanding, compassion and unconditional acceptance of both me and my quirks.

Looking forward to sharing my journey (warts and all) with you again.

Stephanie xo

P.S - weights, measurements and current photos to come!  I weighed myself this morning (it was a lovely surprise!) but I want to post them with my body measurements.  Now where did I leave that tape measure? ;)