Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Testing times ahead (and a small rant)

If you read the blog I wrote last night, you'd know that I had fluid taken out of my band last night and I couldn't quite wait to have an amazing sleep.  I guess you couldn't ask for anything better than that after not sleeping more than 2 hours straight for 2 weeks?  Well, my band had other ideas.

I went to bed at around midnight.  I woke up at 1.  Then 2.  3.  4.  5 and 6.  And finally, 7.  Each time, I woke up vomiting.  This horrible thick coloured acid (bile) that stung the back of my throat.  I've been so tired today as a result.

I called Dr Jason Winnett's rooms shortly after they opened and informed them of what was going on.  They consulted with Jason and phoned me back informing me Jason had recommended go and get 1ml of fluid out from my band.  I phoned the place where I got to have this done and they had no one there who could do it.  I phoned Jason's rooms back and informed them what had transpired.  They phoned me back about half an hour later and let me know that Jason had managed to locate a Doctor at the imaging centre who would do it for me.  I was relieved.  There was no way I could have another sleepless night.

I made the appointment at 1pm and the Doctor was able to take out 1ml of fluid.  I currently have 4.2ml in there which is less than what I have had since I have had my band I believe.  I am able to drink freely and eat food.  Let's just hope that I don't have another night of vomiting.

I got home only to be greeted by the children next door.  They were standing out the front of my house shouting out 'look out for the fat lady, it's the monster house'.  For anyone who isn't familiar with the movie 'monster house', one of the characters is a very large lady and she meets this man who she falls in love with.  ***Spoiler alert*** They go to build a house and she spends most of the time yelling at the children who walk past.  Anyway, one day, she falls in a hole and is covered with cement and the house is haunted as a result.  Her name was Constance.

Rest in peace, Constance
Although they are children, it still hurts.  I spent almost every single day being bullied when I was in Primary School and High School.  The song 'I feel the earth move under my feet' was sung by a group of girls every single time I walked past them.  A girl refused to let me on the bus one day as she believed I would pop the tyres so she closed the door as a result.  I missed on a school excursion because of it. 

As an adult, the bullying hasn't subsided.  People assume just because I'm fat I live off take away, I don't exercise, I have diabetes, cholesterol - whatever.  All because of what I look like.  People assume that I am a strain on the health system.  I've been told I shouldn't have been allowed to have children as I'm not responsible enough to look after myself so why should I have the care of someone else.  I've heard it all before but it still hurts.  I think the reason I might be upset about what they called me tonight is because I've never been called monster house before.  It's a new name.  And new ones hurt and take me back to when there were lots of new names.  And I hate it.

Over the past few years, I have worked hard on accepting myself for who I am.  I am fat.  But I am also remarkable.  As a bigger person, I often have to work harder to gain respect from people.  It can be harder for me to get a job and it can be more difficult to convince someone that just because I'm big doesn't mean I'm lazy.  I've spent a lot of my life pushed aside to make room for someone better and it does cut deep but I do have a thick (and fat) skin and I shall get past this.  No matter how big I am, I am an amazing person.  I would love to have me in their life.  And I know those who do have me are glad they do.

So FTW!  And I shall concentrate on my weight loss despite that it's going to be harder than ever to be able to use my band given the fact that it's not going to be doing a lot because I've got this and I will get through the testing times ahead.

A long time ago.  Me at 240kg odd.  Yes, I can see the resemblance to the character from monster house when I was that big but I don't see it now.

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