It has been a few weeks since I last wrote something. I don’t think I’ve ever let it go on this long but shall attempt to summarise what’s been going on in the world of me in 50,000 words or less!
I’ve had a few things go on over the past few weeks which I’ve really struggled with. I’ve continued to feel quite down and things have just seemed to go from bad to worse. I suppose sometimes that’s how life can be, hey. It’s not going to be all a walk in the park…
Aaaahhh, I’ve enjoyed the past few weeks with no fill. For the first time in over a year, I have put on weight. And I’m okay with that. I have let myself go a bit. It’s been nice to have a break and be able to eat pretty much anything I want. And when I say it like that, I haven’t been eating a lot junk – even a simple Sushi roll or a warm chicken salad has been a treat and something that I am trying not to take for granted. I’ve also realised once again that I am a food addict and I eat my emotions. That’s possibly how I got ‘there’ in the first place. To date, I weigh 172.2kg.
I’ve done a few things over the past few weeks to help make myself feel a bit better. I’ve gone back to basics and have started such things as art therapy, breathing exercises, showers with lots of shower gel, pampering myself and spending time with my family and friends – stuff that makes me feel good. It’s all this ‘self nurturing’ stuff that they speak about when you’re feeling a bit shitty. And I’ve had to put a lot of effort in and it seems to be working.
I am going to phone Dr Winnett’s rooms tomorrow to find out when my next fill is.. he had arranged an appointment for me to see him after I’ve had another barium swallow. I can’t remember the date so I need to find that out so that I can go and see him. I have enjoyed my little break with no fill but I am really looking forward to having some fluid put back in the band so I have some restriction. Having the courage to admit that I can’t do this on my own is something I did just over a year ago. And I’m not afraid to stand up and say it again.
I found a book the other day from 2007 when I was at Fernwood. I was doing their program where you saw a PT and a food consultant. I had a look at my weight and I was 176.5kg. I did have a photo in there as well but, I have no idea where it’s gone. It was strange to see how I’ve just done a full circle and I’m back to where I started so long ago. It’s a good feeling and it’s almost like I have a new start. I am feeling better than I ever have physically, I’m doing things I never thought possible and although I’ve discovered a few bumps in the road, they’re important bumps and all part of my journey.
I’m coming up to my bandversary. It’s on the 17.11.2011. I’m not sure how I am going to celebrate. I was going to have a gathering of some sort but, I think I’ll wait until I get to my 100kg mark before I do something. At least we’ll be over the silly season. Trying to work out what I could do to celebrate such an event. Taking a progress photo will be one of the things on my list of things to do.
This weekend, I am taking part in relay for life. I haven’t been in training like I was for the last one – I haven’t needed it as much this time! I’m still going to find it a bit of a challenge as I haven’t been at the gym much. I’m going to bring my heart rate monitor to work out how many calories I burn. I also plan on running some of it. The last time I did the relay, it was on Nanna’s birthday. I actually rang her during my first lap as it was on her Birthday. She was so proud of Da (my Sister), Lachlan and Callum for doing the relay in honour of her and I know that she will be just as proud this coming weekend when we brave the elements and walk for 18 hours. If you’d like to sponsor me, I’d really appreciate it – here’s the link. I miss her.
Sorry for not writing for so long. It’s qite hard not to write everything that’s happened in my life over the past few weeks here. It’s been so challenging. I’ve managed to confront a lot of things that I have never had to before. In a few weeks, I’ll speak about part of it as it all makes up who I am and where I’ve been.
I want to thank all of my friends who have been there for me over the last few weeks. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you xo