Friday, March 18, 2011

LONG post - maybe some of it is TMI but it's been a strange 24 hours

The last 24 hours have been quite amazing.

I got my first fill (as I said yesterday) and by the evening, I realised that there was something wrong… it was WAY too tight. I jumped on (my favourite banding forum) and posted something asking for some advice. I kept vomiting and couldn’t even keep my own saliva down. It was horrible. Something I never want to go through again. EVER (but my do again some day). When I hadn’t had anything to drink that I could vomit (or eat for that matter), I would be vomiting my own saliva (maybe once every 20 minutes?).

I ended up finding Jason Winnett’s card and I phoned his pager. He phoned me back right away. He agreed that the band was too tight. He said that I could come and see him in the morning in Werribee or the other Jason in Sydnham. I said I’d go to Sydnham so that I could go straight to work from there.

He also suggested that I suck on some ice and some lozenges. I am not sure if chocolate pirate coins are a good substitute for lozenges but, they seemed to work alright (but didn’t stay down). I resigned t sucking on ice chips and sipping on watered down orange juice. I lay down in bed and just felt strange. It was like a bottle of half filled water laying on it side. I could feel the air flow up and things started to rumble. It was so uncomfortable. I ended up falling asleep but kept waking up during the night to bring up my saliva. Ick.

I got up and after getting people organised for School and Baby School, I went straight to the Doctors. I only had to wait for half an hour or so when I was called in.

‘The other Jason’ was there during my surgery. I don’t remember him (as I was totally off my head!) but he was lovely. He said that Jason Winnett had spoken to him yesterday about my appointment and how pleased he was with my results thus far. I told him that I needed some fluid removed and he got me to lay up on the bed. He said that Jason had told him how pleased he was that he got the port first go! He said sometimes they are really hard to find. We were chatting away and I heard scraping noise. It was the sound of the needle scraping along the top of the plastic of the port. Ick It was one of those noises that make you cringe - just like the Dentist drill! I didn’t even know he’d put the needle in (he used the same spot that Jason used yesterday – piccy to follow…).

The second he got it, I could feel the relief. I could feel whatever was left over in my stomach from last night (or this morning) ease. When I sat up, I could feel everything was flowing nicely again. It was a wonderful feeling! I sat back down.

He said Jason had told him how much weight I’d lost and he praised me on my efforts.   He said that yesterdays weight hadn’t been uploaded onto my file yet but I informed him that it was 197.4kg.  He said that it’s amazing how I’ve lost just over 45kg.  45kg Gone.  I asked him what he had said.  And I asked him what my weights were on the system.  I couldn’t get my head around the 45kg because as far as I am concerned, I’d only lost around about 26kg.  I asked him what my weights were on the system.

243kg on 4.8.2010. 218.0kg on 2.12.2010 and 197.4kg on the 17.3.2011.

I was in shock. I didn’t realise that when I first saw him, I was 243kg. I have lost 20 more than what I thought. This explained a lot of things. It didn’t really hit me until I got in the car.

I rang my Mum to tell her that I was okay. I told her how much I had lost and I fought back tears. I also rang Cath to find out how she was feeling and to let her know that I was okay. They were both amazed at how much I had lost.

My Car Radio doesn’t work at the moment (I need the manufacturers PIN number) so, it was just me and my thoughts. When I got on the train, I was nearly in tears. I posted my efforts on Facebook and felt so proud of myself when I got all of the congratulation messages.

By the time I got to work, I was a mess! On the verge of crying. I spoke to my Team Leader (who has been amazing over the last few months) and told her what had happened. She was impressed and listened to my whinging. I was finding it hard to describe what I was feeling. A huge part of me had gone. More than what I thought. 19% of me has gone. And 50% of that I didn’t know about. I felt as though I was mourning for the part of me that I didn’t know had gone. Even though I have the whole day to think about what I was going to write about tonight, I still don’t have the words.

I ended up going to the toilets and I sat there for my lunch break just crying. Crying about the fact that I was more than what I thought. I even referred to my blog the day I saw Dr Winnett and I said I was around about 222kg. I read the one I wrote on the 1.1.2011 where I wrote about how Dr Winnet’s scales said I was 218kg and I didn’t agree with them because mine said I was under 200kg.

I cried about being picked on at School, being picked on by random members of the public, sitting on the chair at work that is big to cater for my big butt, I cried about the fact that only until recently, I couldn’t even ‘wipe’ properly after going to the toilet. I cried about my kids, how I don’t want them to end up like this. I cried about my friends and family. Just everything came out. Stuff that I didn’t even think I’d think of again.

I cried for the person I was and the person I want to be. I cried for the person I am now. I realilsed how frightened I am of the unknown. And I am heading there quite quickly. And quicker now that I am at the gym and am concentrating on my exercise and counting every kj that goes into my mouth. I cried about all you can eat buffets. I cried about clothes. I cried about how I have now found the tool to aid my weight loss. I cried knowing that the weight that I have lost has gone. Gone for good. It will not be back. I cried for me when I was younger. I cried about the fact that I have only recently found out that people had noticed my weight but didn’t tell me. And even if they had, I wouldn’t have done anything about it anyway. It’s like a smoker – they know that it’s bad for them (I smoked for around about 12 years) but they will give up when they’re ready – it doesn’t matter what anyone says.

I came out of the toilet cubicle, washed my face and took my weekly full length photo. I shall upload that in a moment.

After my lunchtime cry, I went back and continued on with my work. I thanked the gorgeous girls around me for listening to me and being there for me by sending them a photo of Chocolates (they were virtual chocolates!). I am so lucky that I work with some wonderful, supportive people.

When I got home, I told Lachie about how much I had lost and he is very proud of me.

I have adjusted my app on my iPhone to reflect just my 3 weights that I have had at Dr Winnett’s office although the last weight matches up with my scales. My app says that I have lost 45.6kg in 226 days. I have lost an average of 1.4kg per week. I have lost 17.6kg in 3 months and 36.1kg in 6 months. This makes much more sense considering all of the changes that have happened since November.

As ‘the other Jason’ said, their scales are worth over a grand and they are collaborated once per month. Of course they’re more accurate than mine. I guess maybe I was just not wanting to believe it.

On the way home tonight, I called Dad to tell him about it and a lady standing opposite me overheard my conversation. She asked me if I had a lap band and I said yes. She said that she did as well and we spoke until we got to our stop. She said that she’s fallen off the wagon a bit. I gave her the address to my blog and also to the ‘banding together’ website. I also gave her my Email address as I’d love a gym buddy and we have a few things in common when it comes to time restraints and family life. I have forgotten her name (I am SO bad with names) but, if you’re reading this (which I hope you are), I hope after reading my blog (little or a lot), you have some motivation. Aunty Ronda was the one who helped me get back on board and I’d love to help you any way I can. As I said, it’s up to you. Only you can do it. And you can do it.

There’s my long blog for the night! I’ll continue on my journey as I was before with the knowledge that I am doing a fantastic job and from what ‘the other Jason’ says (I need to find out his proper name), I will lose another 50kg by the time the year is up. I cant wait to see how I go. I am amazed at how well I am doing. That would mean I will be 147kg. I can’t imagine it. I’d love to be under 150kg by the end of the year and knowing that’s achievable is too good to be true.

I hope everyone has a good weekend :)

Take care xo


  1. Oh Stephanie.. I am so so proud of you :) what a fantastic post to read for me right now... feeling alone myself right now with stuff going on.. was lovely to come here and read this.. well done...and again, I'm so proud of you girl :)

    Anne - lose2live

  2. You are amazing.

  3. You are so brave and honest. You must be so proud because I am.