Tuesday, September 7, 2010

WEEK 5 - Day 29

Today is weigh in day!  I was quite pleased when I stood on the scales - I weigh 210.4kg which means I've lost 3.4kg in a week.  I've lost 9.3kg so far!  I am very pleased with my progress and I am certainly on track to being under 200kg by the time my surgery date arrives which is in a month EXACTLY!

It's hard to describe how I feel today.  I am quite excited yet a bit nervous.  I know I am making the right decision and the next 4 weeks and how I treat my body is paramount to ensuring my surgery is a success.  I need to ensure that I go to the gym at least 5 times per week and get at least an hour worth of exercise each day.  I also need to make sure that I have my 2 liters of fluid as well as each of the shakes that I am entitled to.  I'm also going to mix up my meals at night time to make sure that I stay interested!  No Subway shortcuts for me in the next 4 weeks, that's for sure!

On another note, the stroke of bad luck keeps continuing for me. 

The hot water service has died today which means that I've had to use the savings from my account that I had put away for Lachlan's High School to get it replaced.  The Dishwasher has also broken down.  The exhaust on my car got hit the other day as it bottomed out on a piece of concrete as it went into the driveway.  Excuse the french coming up but shit just keeps on happening to push me back a few steps.  This Journey has really tested my strength.  It's been a struggle.  I've had to dig really deep to keep on going and not throw everything in.

I compare it to giving up smoking again.  After giving up smoking, when I felt like having a Cigarette, I'd ask myself 'what is it going to achieve?  If you have this Cigarette, are you going to feel less upset?  Is it going to solve that problem?  Will that bill get paid?'.  I ask my same when I want to eat something.  Will eating something fix anything?  Will having a Big Mac (DAMN YOU BIG MAC!) make the Dishwasher work?  Will eating a cheesymite scroll make the hot water unit un rust itself?  Will eating chocolate clean the house? 

The book that I bought on emotional eating arrived the other day.  I intend on spending some time reading it each day to learn why I do it and to work out ways to combat it.  If I can understand it more then I'll be able to beat it easier and have the tools to get through these stages.  Obviously something shat on me from a great height when I was born and it's only really starting to show now.  I don't understand why so many tests are being thrown at me and I've thought about it, they're level of importance or the level of stress that I'm feeling because of each issue occurring isn't being magnified due to the fact that I am hungry because I am not - I am over that part.  It's the fact that everything that can happen is happening at a bad time!  Aaahhh.  I'll get through it.

I'm off to my sleep study!  Hope everyone's well xoxo

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