When I woke up this morning, I felt so much better than what I have over the past few days. I'm not sure if it was due to my big 'spill' last night with what I wrote or if it was simply because I know that I need to just 'keep on swimming' but I went to be at roughly 2.30am. I got up at 5 and surprisingly, I wasn't tired. I went to work and the day went well.
I spoke to one of my colleagues who I have such a high level of respect for and we worked out a plan of attack. Along with trying to understand what I am up against in the way of reading and researching, I am going to do the things that helped when I 'got sick' last time. My relaxation, writing, reading, running - things I enjoy and things that help me remain focussed.
I know too that I work best when I have a goal set. So, I am going to try running at least half of a 4km Fun Run with some friends from work. The mission (should I choose to accept it) is the 'Run for the Firies'. Brendan (my work mate who did the stairs with me) has set this up as a challenge and I am really looking forward to going along with him. His Girlfriend, Mum and some other work mates are going to participate as is my eldest Son, Lachlan. I am going to start training for it this weekend and will start using the Couch to 5k app that I was using sometime ago to get in the swing of things. I am not sure if I can run the whole thing but I hope to do at least half of it. I shall track my progress here :)
I think I've made a lot of progress over the past few days. In a lot of different aspects. And I look forward to making more as the weeks go by.
Thank you so much for the messages of encouragement. They have been amazing. And those sorts of things keep me going. I can do this - the physical, mental and emotional will all come together once again soon and then there will be nothing that can stop me (again!).
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Blah - long post
Sometimes when I start to write my blog, I know what I am going to talk about and the words just flow. But there are other times when I write, I know what I want to write but although the words should flow, they don't. Sometimes it's because I'm distracted by all the things going on in the house (that's what happens when you try and have 5 minutes to yourself when you've got 4 Children!). Sometimes it's because I am not sure if what I want to say is appropriate for a public forum. I often hold back as I end up thinking what I am writing is boring! This is my blog and my space. I sometimes need to just let go and write what I want and if there is back lash, deal with it when it occurs.
As most of you know, I have depression. I also have borderline personality disorder (BPD). Something that was diagnosed with a few years ago but the symptoms vary and many of them are ones that I have dealt with since I was quite young. BPD is confusing. It's tough. It's insane. It's like a big black cloud that just doesn't seem to blow away no matter how strong the wind is. It sits there above me until it bursts and I can never predict what it lets go. Lots of tears, upset, anger... whatever the response to outburst, I am always able to cater for it. I do a lot of drawing with chalk pastels or charcoal, boxing, different relaxation exercises, reading, running, hot showers - anything to give me something to focus on the present moment. This takes a lot of practice but over the last few years, I've managed to tune it into a fine art.
As with any mental illness, sometimes the BPD is so unpredictable that I don't know how to react. This can result in people around me feeling almost the same amount of frustration as what I do to what I'm going through. Those closest to me know when I'm having a moment and even some of my friends whom I haven't met but have talked to for several years know when there's something not quite right and that's the place I've been in for the past few weeks.
I also have an anxiety disorder. It means taking baby steps. Not thinking too much in advance as I can end up getting quite panicky. I have several blockers that just pop up and stop me from doing what I want to do. I am working through these. Slowly.
Mental illness doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care who your friends are, who your family is or what you do for a job. It doesn't care what size you are, what colour you are, if you're a girl or a boy, short or tall.
Sometimes it's something that you can overcome. And in my case both depression and BPD can be managed by medication, natural therapies and other techniques. The best news for me is both of them are things that you can overcome. But as with anything, it takes a lot of work. And that's what I'm doing at the moment. Working through my issues that aggravate the severity of my depression and the symptoms of BPD.
Even though these illnesses leave you feeling as though you are alone a lot of the time, I always remind myself of the fact I have so many people around me to help me if I fall. And that is so comforting to know because recently, I have been just hanging in there. And it's been tough.
I'm not sure what has triggered this bout of 'crap'. I know that BPD is like a pressure cooker. I think that due to the fact there has been so much change recently, I've felt overwhelmed and it's come to a head.
Where does the issue of 'weight' come into all of this? I'm an emotional eater and when I feel awful, I tend to eat more. Which means I put on weight. Which means I get frustrated so I eat and then I put on more weight and then I feel frustrated. The good thing about the band is I am not able to eat as much as what I would normally and now that I love exercise, I am using exercise as an outlet for how I am feeling.
Today was tough. I had a tough day at work. I've had migraines for the past week. I also found out that someone very close to me has booked in for gastric sleeve surgery. They have only had one appointment with one surgeon. They are the same weight as me and I really worry that they haven't been given all the information required to make an informed decision. This opened up my black cloud that I spoke about before. I just started to cry. I felt angry and confused and scared for this person. And crying on the train isn't a good look! Lucky the power was out on all the carriages tonight. I don't think this person knows the risks associate with having the surgery at the weight they are. And no matter what I say, I can't seem to convince them to get a second opinion. I wish them nothing but health and happiness but I also know that the risks associated with me having this surgery would be the same as what they would be if they had this type of surgery.
I felt awful expressing my concerns to this person. I felt like I had burst their bubble. I just want them to make sure they are doing the right thing and making the right choice. And I can't make the decision for them but I really hope they take my advice and others if they choose to share their plan with anyone else.
I felt like going to the gym as soon as I got home but I wasn't able to as I couldn't work my pass :/ so, instead of eating my weight in chocolate, I thought I'd write about what's going on. Everything.
I know when I click publish I'll feel a sense of relief. Slowly, pieces of my jigsaw puzzle come together. These are some of the things I work on with my psychologist, Natasha. Being able to work out why I am the weight that I am and where it all came from is the best way to get rid of it. I see her on Saturday and I look forward to chatting with her.
I'm sorry for such a long post. I feel a bit better. I know I have a long way to go to get out of this rut that I am in (mentally) but I am on the right track. Everything will align again soon. It's just a matter of pulling it in all together. And I can do that. Because I am me. And I have the best people helping me pull through. You all know who you are xo
As most of you know, I have depression. I also have borderline personality disorder (BPD). Something that was diagnosed with a few years ago but the symptoms vary and many of them are ones that I have dealt with since I was quite young. BPD is confusing. It's tough. It's insane. It's like a big black cloud that just doesn't seem to blow away no matter how strong the wind is. It sits there above me until it bursts and I can never predict what it lets go. Lots of tears, upset, anger... whatever the response to outburst, I am always able to cater for it. I do a lot of drawing with chalk pastels or charcoal, boxing, different relaxation exercises, reading, running, hot showers - anything to give me something to focus on the present moment. This takes a lot of practice but over the last few years, I've managed to tune it into a fine art.
As with any mental illness, sometimes the BPD is so unpredictable that I don't know how to react. This can result in people around me feeling almost the same amount of frustration as what I do to what I'm going through. Those closest to me know when I'm having a moment and even some of my friends whom I haven't met but have talked to for several years know when there's something not quite right and that's the place I've been in for the past few weeks.
I also have an anxiety disorder. It means taking baby steps. Not thinking too much in advance as I can end up getting quite panicky. I have several blockers that just pop up and stop me from doing what I want to do. I am working through these. Slowly.
Mental illness doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care who your friends are, who your family is or what you do for a job. It doesn't care what size you are, what colour you are, if you're a girl or a boy, short or tall.
Sometimes it's something that you can overcome. And in my case both depression and BPD can be managed by medication, natural therapies and other techniques. The best news for me is both of them are things that you can overcome. But as with anything, it takes a lot of work. And that's what I'm doing at the moment. Working through my issues that aggravate the severity of my depression and the symptoms of BPD.
Even though these illnesses leave you feeling as though you are alone a lot of the time, I always remind myself of the fact I have so many people around me to help me if I fall. And that is so comforting to know because recently, I have been just hanging in there. And it's been tough.
I'm not sure what has triggered this bout of 'crap'. I know that BPD is like a pressure cooker. I think that due to the fact there has been so much change recently, I've felt overwhelmed and it's come to a head.
Where does the issue of 'weight' come into all of this? I'm an emotional eater and when I feel awful, I tend to eat more. Which means I put on weight. Which means I get frustrated so I eat and then I put on more weight and then I feel frustrated. The good thing about the band is I am not able to eat as much as what I would normally and now that I love exercise, I am using exercise as an outlet for how I am feeling.
Today was tough. I had a tough day at work. I've had migraines for the past week. I also found out that someone very close to me has booked in for gastric sleeve surgery. They have only had one appointment with one surgeon. They are the same weight as me and I really worry that they haven't been given all the information required to make an informed decision. This opened up my black cloud that I spoke about before. I just started to cry. I felt angry and confused and scared for this person. And crying on the train isn't a good look! Lucky the power was out on all the carriages tonight. I don't think this person knows the risks associate with having the surgery at the weight they are. And no matter what I say, I can't seem to convince them to get a second opinion. I wish them nothing but health and happiness but I also know that the risks associated with me having this surgery would be the same as what they would be if they had this type of surgery.
I felt awful expressing my concerns to this person. I felt like I had burst their bubble. I just want them to make sure they are doing the right thing and making the right choice. And I can't make the decision for them but I really hope they take my advice and others if they choose to share their plan with anyone else.
I felt like going to the gym as soon as I got home but I wasn't able to as I couldn't work my pass :/ so, instead of eating my weight in chocolate, I thought I'd write about what's going on. Everything.
I know when I click publish I'll feel a sense of relief. Slowly, pieces of my jigsaw puzzle come together. These are some of the things I work on with my psychologist, Natasha. Being able to work out why I am the weight that I am and where it all came from is the best way to get rid of it. I see her on Saturday and I look forward to chatting with her.
I'm sorry for such a long post. I feel a bit better. I know I have a long way to go to get out of this rut that I am in (mentally) but I am on the right track. Everything will align again soon. It's just a matter of pulling it in all together. And I can do that. Because I am me. And I have the best people helping me pull through. You all know who you are xo
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Under 200kg - just.
I am happy
that today is behind me!
I went and
saw Dr Winnett. I haven't seen him since
the 1st of March when I had my band replaced.
I told him right away that I thought that I had put on weight and he was
very positive about regardless of having put some on, I will be able to lose
it. I hopped on the scales and I weighed
in at 199.6kg. I think the fact I'm
under 200kg is awesome mentally due to the fact that I'm not over 200kg but I
like to think that the foods that I have been eating the last few days has
contributed to me being under 200kg. Who
knows. I could have been more at one
stage.
I had 1.5ml
in my band. I was under the impression
that it had been empty this whole time.
After 15 minutes or so of trying to fill my band, he said that it would
be best if I went down to Olympic Imaging to have it done via X-ray as he was not able to put the fill in. And I know that I am to blame for it due to
the fact that I have put on so much weight over the past few months. It was getting easier for him to find the
port as time went on now, he wasn't able to do it at all.
I went to
Olympic Park and Peter (the man who has dealt with all of my Barium Swallows)
was there. The fill was over in a few
minutes. After it was done, the man
showed me how long the needle was that he used.
It was around about 20cm long. It
was huge. No wonder the man doing the
procedure kept asking if I could feel anything.
And although I had a local anaesthetic, he was surprised that I was
quite comfortable throughout the procedure.
I got to
work at 1. And even though I'm the
weight that I am, I am feeling fantastic.
I have a spring in my step. I am
happy and carefree and feeling awesome.
I can't wait to see how I'll feel once I lose a bit more weight.
It feels
strange having my band filled. I sipped
on some cold water before and I had forgotten what it feels like when it slows
down when it gets to that point. I
nibbled on some pretzels before (healthiest snack I could find in the vending
machine at work) and had to remind myself to chew, chew, chew. I have had about 3 tic tacs and have been
grazing on small box of Sustain. I am
full after half the packet. It's a
comforting feeling knowing that I have my tool back to help me through my
journey again.
My next
fill will be at Olympic Park in 2 weeks and I will see Dr Winnett again in 4
weeks. My goal in the next 4 weeks is to
attempt to lose 10kg. I want it gone
(again!). And I know that I can do
it. It's so easy to put weight on but so
hard to lose it but it feels much better losing it than putting it on. I hope to be full of energy and back to
feeling fit again within a few weeks. I
used to feel like I could take on the world.
I can't wait to get back to that.
Even if it means getting up so early to achieve it, I'm after results
and results will only come with hard work and determination. And I'll get there because I deserve to. I know I can do it.
So much so, I'm going to go to the Gym - I'm feeling tense and I can't think of anything better to get that tension out other than some boxing and lifting some weights.
So much so, I'm going to go to the Gym - I'm feeling tense and I can't think of anything better to get that tension out other than some boxing and lifting some weights.
So here we
go again :)
 |
| 2nd August 2012 |
 |
| 2nd August 2012 |
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
I think I've finally got it together :) I did say I think...
Sometimes things just click. I can't explain it. You wake up one day and you know that the day is different to the one that has passed. You know that something is different but you can't put your finger on it. It's the feeling of getting your mojo back. The fire deep inside has started to burn again and you're ready to tackle whatever obstacle that is in front of you - in my case, a 100kg obstacle. My last lot of weight.
When I look at it, I am no longer disgusted by it like I was 18 months ago. I am intrigued by its shape and its texture. I like how it's all spongy and no longer firm. I don't mind the wobbles and bumps and dimples anymore. In actual fact, compared to what I used to feel like and look like - I look amazing and am finally starting to get some shape. It's strange how it's hard to say goodbye. But I've held onto it for long enough - especially this last few months where I have been at a stand still.
This morning, I realised that it's time. I woke up at 5. Had a bowl of cereal. I got to work and had my Coffee, had some Chicken and Rice for lunch. I was in a rush for dinner but for the first time in God knows how long, I checked how many kilojoules there is in the thousand island dressing I intended putting on my salad. I declined the 'potato boulder' as they call them (deep fried on the outside and soft and mushy in the middle) and I just took the chicken breast off my plate, chopped it up with some tomatoes cucumber and enjoyed every single bite of it.
Tonight, I also went to the Gym and signed up for 7 days to see how I go. I am trying to work out when the best time is for me to get my exercise in is. I don't want it to interrupt my family life but I know how important it is for me to do. I love being at home with the Kids when I get home as I don't even see them when I leave in the morning but if I get up at 5am, go to the Gym and get to the Station by 6.20 then I'll be able to fit my work out in before I leave for work. I think this is the best way. We'll see how it goes. But tomorrow, I'm looking forward to going in and shocking my heart rate monitor into gear and starting back on the Journey that I started almost 2 years ago.
I wish whatever I had I could bottle. I'd store some away for the times when they get tough. I might even market it so that others can benefit from how I'm feeling. I'm happy that it's come back. And it couldn't come at a better time. In 2 days, I stand on those scales and I'll have a moment of truth. And instead of feeling resentful toward my band and my journey like I did 2 days ago, I'm excited and ready to jump back on and give it all I've got. It's 100kg. Once it's gone, it's gone. Once it's gone, I can see what I've got left to work with. And I'll feel more amazing than I feel now. And when I look in the mirror, I'll see someone I don't recognise just like I do now.
On Thursday when I get back to work after my fill, I'll take my 'Miss September' shot and post it up on here. I'll also take my measurements that night and shall reveal the figure that is proof that I have been in a good paddock for the past few months. I'm hoping it's not too high but I won't beat myself up if it is.
I can honestly say that for the first time in a long time I'm pumped. Bring it on!
And I'd like to thank you all for your support. It means the world to me.
Steph xo
When I look at it, I am no longer disgusted by it like I was 18 months ago. I am intrigued by its shape and its texture. I like how it's all spongy and no longer firm. I don't mind the wobbles and bumps and dimples anymore. In actual fact, compared to what I used to feel like and look like - I look amazing and am finally starting to get some shape. It's strange how it's hard to say goodbye. But I've held onto it for long enough - especially this last few months where I have been at a stand still.
This morning, I realised that it's time. I woke up at 5. Had a bowl of cereal. I got to work and had my Coffee, had some Chicken and Rice for lunch. I was in a rush for dinner but for the first time in God knows how long, I checked how many kilojoules there is in the thousand island dressing I intended putting on my salad. I declined the 'potato boulder' as they call them (deep fried on the outside and soft and mushy in the middle) and I just took the chicken breast off my plate, chopped it up with some tomatoes cucumber and enjoyed every single bite of it.
Tonight, I also went to the Gym and signed up for 7 days to see how I go. I am trying to work out when the best time is for me to get my exercise in is. I don't want it to interrupt my family life but I know how important it is for me to do. I love being at home with the Kids when I get home as I don't even see them when I leave in the morning but if I get up at 5am, go to the Gym and get to the Station by 6.20 then I'll be able to fit my work out in before I leave for work. I think this is the best way. We'll see how it goes. But tomorrow, I'm looking forward to going in and shocking my heart rate monitor into gear and starting back on the Journey that I started almost 2 years ago.
I wish whatever I had I could bottle. I'd store some away for the times when they get tough. I might even market it so that others can benefit from how I'm feeling. I'm happy that it's come back. And it couldn't come at a better time. In 2 days, I stand on those scales and I'll have a moment of truth. And instead of feeling resentful toward my band and my journey like I did 2 days ago, I'm excited and ready to jump back on and give it all I've got. It's 100kg. Once it's gone, it's gone. Once it's gone, I can see what I've got left to work with. And I'll feel more amazing than I feel now. And when I look in the mirror, I'll see someone I don't recognise just like I do now.
On Thursday when I get back to work after my fill, I'll take my 'Miss September' shot and post it up on here. I'll also take my measurements that night and shall reveal the figure that is proof that I have been in a good paddock for the past few months. I'm hoping it's not too high but I won't beat myself up if it is.
I can honestly say that for the first time in a long time I'm pumped. Bring it on!
And I'd like to thank you all for your support. It means the world to me.
Steph xo
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Fill 'er up...
Thursday is looming closer and I'm looking forward to it. I am booked in for my fill and I'm looking forward to it.
My biggest concern is standing on the Scales. I am not sure how much I have put on and given the fact BB (my scales) are incorrect, I shall await the verdict from Dr Winnett and whatever it is, I shall post up here and work back down.
I am actually really nervous about having my fill. Not the needle part or anything like that. It's more so the fact that I'll have to get used to the diet of a bandit again. I know that once I get back on the band wagon (pardon the pun), I'll feel a lot better within a few weeks, if not days.
I've been out of the game in the last week due to an infection. I have such a sore throat. But I've picked up in the last few days and will be back to work on Monday.
I can't believe that it was a year ago that I climbed the stairs! I know I would struggle to manage a few flights of stairs at the moment with the state that I'm in. I am looking forward to changing this over the next few weeks.
I've said it before but it's hard to come out and be so honest and upfront about what is going on. I'll look back in a few years once I've reached my goal and know that everyone has ups and downs and I suppose I am pleased that I am in the position to be able to help others in the same position and give a realistic insight to the life of someone who is overweight and struggles with the ups and downs that go with it.
My biggest concern is standing on the Scales. I am not sure how much I have put on and given the fact BB (my scales) are incorrect, I shall await the verdict from Dr Winnett and whatever it is, I shall post up here and work back down.
I am actually really nervous about having my fill. Not the needle part or anything like that. It's more so the fact that I'll have to get used to the diet of a bandit again. I know that once I get back on the band wagon (pardon the pun), I'll feel a lot better within a few weeks, if not days.
I've been out of the game in the last week due to an infection. I have such a sore throat. But I've picked up in the last few days and will be back to work on Monday.
I can't believe that it was a year ago that I climbed the stairs! I know I would struggle to manage a few flights of stairs at the moment with the state that I'm in. I am looking forward to changing this over the next few weeks.
I've said it before but it's hard to come out and be so honest and upfront about what is going on. I'll look back in a few years once I've reached my goal and know that everyone has ups and downs and I suppose I am pleased that I am in the position to be able to help others in the same position and give a realistic insight to the life of someone who is overweight and struggles with the ups and downs that go with it.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
I've put on weight - just not sure how much yet...
Hi everyone :) I hope everyone is well.
I have worked out that when I am quiet on here, I am normally having a 'break' from my hard work - exercise, eating right, getting to where I want to be and achieving my goals. And today, I have come here and am forcing myself to write down stuff that I really don't want to write but am going to due to the fact that I need to get it out there...
I haven't been all that quiet in the past few months - I suppose that you'd be able to hear me munching on anything I can get my hands on if you'd seen me. I have been eating so much food. I have been eating when I am hungry, bored, sad, angry, sressed, happy - you know the drill. I am almost to the point where I forget that I have a lap band. I am happy to state that I've made an appointment to see Dr Jason Winnett on the 2nd of August where I will get a fill. I am hoping that I have done no damage to my pouch. I have eaten to the point where I should be full but don't feel full and it worries me that the band has slipped or something like that. I guess there is no need to worry about something before it's time.
I'm not pleased with my performance over the past few months. And I don't need any 'oh dears' or anything like that. I've slid back a fair way and will use this platform to write what I have eaten each day in hope that I can turn things around. If you feel as though you need to make a judgemental comment - please keep it to yourself. Losing weight is tough and no one is perfect. No one. And coming on here and typing this is one thing but actually typing it where I know the world can read it is another.
For breakfat this morning, I had 3 Ham and Cheese Coisonts. For lunch, I had KFC - 2 burgers, 2 pieces of Chicken and a medium chips. I have also eaten a whole heap of Chocolate.
I am guessing that am close to 200kg again. Which would be a shame as I have been doing so well but I can do it again. I still think about having the sleeve done - I don't want to go through this anymore. It's hard to explain. I know I am in control of what I do and what I don't do but it's more than that. It's not just physical. It's also emotional.
I have continued seeing Natasha each weekend. I have seen her about 7 times now. She went on a Holiday during May. I haven't really touched on my weight or my eating habits as yet - we are still covering a lot of other things.
I know the things that have contribued to me going back to my old habits and a lot of them I can fix. It's hard to admit it out loud but I need support.
When I weighed myself this morning, it didn't really sink in. Nor has it. I have known that I have put a fair bit on due to the fact that my pants have stopped fitting me. I'm back into the ones that used to be too big for me. My bras don't fit as well and I am generally feeling yuck. I know what I need to do to change that and by taking ownership of it is the first thing.
So, I shall click on save and publish then take a deep breath. I knew it was never going to be easy. I just need to make sure I don't take another little holiday from my goals and lifestyle which is effectively what I've done. Not happy. But am happy that I am choosing to do something about it.
Until tomorrow...
I have worked out that when I am quiet on here, I am normally having a 'break' from my hard work - exercise, eating right, getting to where I want to be and achieving my goals. And today, I have come here and am forcing myself to write down stuff that I really don't want to write but am going to due to the fact that I need to get it out there...
I haven't been all that quiet in the past few months - I suppose that you'd be able to hear me munching on anything I can get my hands on if you'd seen me. I have been eating so much food. I have been eating when I am hungry, bored, sad, angry, sressed, happy - you know the drill. I am almost to the point where I forget that I have a lap band. I am happy to state that I've made an appointment to see Dr Jason Winnett on the 2nd of August where I will get a fill. I am hoping that I have done no damage to my pouch. I have eaten to the point where I should be full but don't feel full and it worries me that the band has slipped or something like that. I guess there is no need to worry about something before it's time.
I'm not pleased with my performance over the past few months. And I don't need any 'oh dears' or anything like that. I've slid back a fair way and will use this platform to write what I have eaten each day in hope that I can turn things around. If you feel as though you need to make a judgemental comment - please keep it to yourself. Losing weight is tough and no one is perfect. No one. And coming on here and typing this is one thing but actually typing it where I know the world can read it is another.
For breakfat this morning, I had 3 Ham and Cheese Coisonts. For lunch, I had KFC - 2 burgers, 2 pieces of Chicken and a medium chips. I have also eaten a whole heap of Chocolate.
I am guessing that am close to 200kg again. Which would be a shame as I have been doing so well but I can do it again. I still think about having the sleeve done - I don't want to go through this anymore. It's hard to explain. I know I am in control of what I do and what I don't do but it's more than that. It's not just physical. It's also emotional.
I have continued seeing Natasha each weekend. I have seen her about 7 times now. She went on a Holiday during May. I haven't really touched on my weight or my eating habits as yet - we are still covering a lot of other things.
I know the things that have contribued to me going back to my old habits and a lot of them I can fix. It's hard to admit it out loud but I need support.
When I weighed myself this morning, it didn't really sink in. Nor has it. I have known that I have put a fair bit on due to the fact that my pants have stopped fitting me. I'm back into the ones that used to be too big for me. My bras don't fit as well and I am generally feeling yuck. I know what I need to do to change that and by taking ownership of it is the first thing.
So, I shall click on save and publish then take a deep breath. I knew it was never going to be easy. I just need to make sure I don't take another little holiday from my goals and lifestyle which is effectively what I've done. Not happy. But am happy that I am choosing to do something about it.
Until tomorrow...
Monday, June 18, 2012
I'm still alive (just quiet)
I haven’t written anything in a while. I have actually been quite ‘bad’ as far as dieting, lifestyle, choices and drive is concerned. I suppose I shouldn’t paint everything in a negative light but I’ve identified it before that when I’m not writing on here, I’m not doing anything out there.
Life has been a bit of a blur in the past few months. A lot of changes have come about. Things that I am still getting my head around and things that I know will come together in their own time.
I need something to drag me out and up out of this rut. Not sure what it will be but I know it will come soon. I find myself surrounded by positive, inspiring and amazing people. I just need to remember why I started ‘this’ in the first place.
I’ll be back in a little bit… just need to get myself together to be able to get my words together as well…
Life has been a bit of a blur in the past few months. A lot of changes have come about. Things that I am still getting my head around and things that I know will come together in their own time.
I need something to drag me out and up out of this rut. Not sure what it will be but I know it will come soon. I find myself surrounded by positive, inspiring and amazing people. I just need to remember why I started ‘this’ in the first place.
I’ll be back in a little bit… just need to get myself together to be able to get my words together as well…
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