Bullying...

Firstly, if this is the first time you have stumbled upon my blog, welcome :) and before you judge or feel the need to comment, I'd like to point a few things out (and only do this due to past judgement I have experienced so I thought I'd clear it up first)...

1. I am gainfully Employed, have been in the same job for almost 9 years (and pay my taxes and my Medicare Levy!)
2. I have private health insurance and have not put any strain on our health system due to my weight
3. I have lost almost 80kg in just over a year and have worked hard.
4. I welcome your comments but please don't use this as a forum to prove my point that overweight people are often bullied for no other reason than the fact they are overweight.
5. I don't condone being unhealthy however, I also don't think all overweight people are unhealthy
6. I promote living a healthy lifestyle to my family, friends and colleagues.
7, Not everyone who is overweight over eats.
8. I am a fat chick trying to make a difference.

As most of you know, your are able to comment on my blog at anytime.  I keep it 'un moderated' and also allow anonymous postings for people who like to share their stories, thoughts or opinions without people knowing who they are.  I think anonymous posting is fantastic and I shall continue to keep it that way however, it does allow for the occasional unprovoked attack, the most recent one being yesterday.  So, today when I got a call from 'Today Tonight' to speak about bullying, I jumped at the chance.
I have been bullied my whole life because of my weight.  It's something that I've dealt with the best way I know how and for me, up until recently, that has been ignoring the constant taunts and harassment that I am subject to but, a few months ago, I spoke up and made it clear I am not putting up with it anymore.  And I am teaching my kids that it's not acceptable.

I didn't realise the number of people who would come forward and state they are also victims of the same types of attacks I have been putting up with for so many years.  I was saddened to read the stories that people shared with me and to hear that things were worse than I thought possible.

Although I am not sure what they are going to show on the 'Today Tonight' segment, I know they were doing the story in response to an article in today's Herald Sun which you can find here...
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/more-news/obese-told-to-report-if-they-are-abused-over-their-weight/story-fn7x8me2-1226191836429

And if the reader's comments that are included at the bottom of this article are any indication of greater Society's view on people who are Overweight, it doesn't seem to be improving, it seems to be getting worse.

I am proud of my achievements in the past year, I've almost lost 80kg, I climbed a 46 story building, I started running, I've participated in both the Melton and the Yarra Ranges relay for life, I started my Certificate IV in fitness, I haven't had to use my CPAP machine (for sleep apnoea) since May, I have enjoyed exercising and encouraging those around me to do the same.  I am proud of how far I've come.  Yes, I did have lap band almost a year ago but, lap band only limits the amount of food I can eat and makes me feel hungry quicker - it doesn't drag me down to the gym or get me to make sure the foods I am eating are the correct ones.  It hasn't been the easy way out.  It's been tough.  But it's been worth it.  I couldn't have done it without it.  And I am not weak for having it.  I am strong to acknowledge I wasn't able to do it on my own.

Bullying has been a massive part of my life.  It's shaped me to who I am today.  It still hurts when I get picked on.  Even little things.  They tend to mount up though.  I can be called something one day and then it won't get to me for a few days and then I dwell on it.  It's a horrible thing to go through.  And I am sure that everyone has had some experience with bullying at one time in their life.  It's sad how stuff that we got used to at School as Children and tolerated as there weren't these fantastic 'anti bullying' rules are now things that we need to put up with as Adults.  It's not on.  It's not acceptable.  And I for one am not putting up with it.  I know I said it earlier but I mean it!

I was going to save these for my Bandversary on Thursday but, I'll put them up now so that everyone can see how far I've come :)

The photo on the left was taken in January 2010 and the one on the right was the weekend just gone.

The photo on the left was taken back in July 2010 and the one on the right was taken this evening :)

The one on the left was taken back in November 2010 and the one on the right was taken in October 2011

 The photo on the left was taken back in November 2010 and the photo on the right was taken in October 2011.

If you have any questions, please feel free to Email me at movingforwardlookingforward@gmail.com and if you'd like to read more about my stair climb that I completed in August, please go to http://vic.cancercouncilfundraising.org.au/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=342014 - any donations are appreciated as my aim is $5,000 and we are nearly there!

I've got a long way to go - I want to get say goodbye to at least another 90kg but everyday, I am a step closer to getting there.  Thank you for your support and interest in my story :)

Scales and Barium swallows...

I didn't get to make it to the gym last night as I had no one to watch the kids.  I did a vigerous work out of folding and washing clothes though (if that counts for anything). 

A few things happened this morning.  I weighed myself.  It's saying I'm 168kg.  I did it twice and the 1st said 167.8kg and the second said 171kg so, I evened it out.  I have my appointment with Doctor Winnett on Wednesday next week so, all will be revealed then I suppose.  I have never trusted my scales but, I know I've put something on whilst I've had no restriction - I now just need to work out how much it is...

I also had my barium swallow today.  I am not sure how that went.  I will also get the results of that on Wednesday when I see Doctor Winnett. I'm not really nervous.  I suppose I just want to know if I need to have surgery again or not.  I'll worry about it if (and when) I need to.

Something I created for my Bandit friends :)

Feel free to steal and share!  I thought it was very appropriate for me right at this point in time!

Today...

I started blogging last night and the title of the blog was 'tomorrow' but, I didn't get the chance to finish it so, it is now titled 'today'.

Today, I have started back on my shakes.  I am going to do it for the next few weeks to cleanse after my 5 weeks of not counting KJ.  I've already said this in one of my previous blogs but, I feel like crap and I put a lot of that down to the fact that I haven't been concentrating on what I've been eating.  I haven't been exercising.  I have been a lazy fat Cow which is one of the reasons I got to where I did in the first place.

Whilst I write this, I am sipping on my Optifast.  It's going to be a challenge.  When I think back to this time last year, I'd been on Optiast for 6 weeks in preperation for my Surgery.  It was such a difficult time but, at the start of it, I felt good.  I had more energy, I was hungry but I was able to fight off the cravings and I didn't have any 'sugar hang overs' which is one thing I've had a few of in the last few weeks.

I celebrate my bandversary on Thursday next week :) and I see Dr Winnett the day before.  I have to have my Barium swallow this Friday and fingers crossed that everything is okay so that I can have a fill.  I have missed restriction.  And although I have enjoyed being able to eat a vast array of foods over the past 6 weeks, I have had more than what I should have and haven't always selected the right foods and having restriction helps that.  That's why I'm a bandit. 

I weighed myself today.  I was 176kg.  Hmmm.  Not terribly impressed.  I was 168kg when I saw Dr Winnett on the 21st of September.  I know my scales weigh differently to his but, they do give me an indication of how much I have put on.  I am on a mission to shead at least 2 kilograms before my appointment with him next Wednesday!  I wonder if he'll tell me off?  I'm not disapponted in myself.  I'm just amazed at how much I've put on.  And now looking forward to getting rid of it and getting back into the 160s again.  It won't take me long.  And I'm happy that I'm back on track today. 

I'll go for a walk today and may even go to the gym. 

I'd had to go back through all of my blogs and count the number of times that I've said I'm back on track now but, this is all part of someone who is in my situation.  It's been a lifetime of hopping on and off the wagon.  All in all, I've done well.  Better than what I ever thought I would.  I'm looking forward to putting my 'this time last year' photo and my 'today' photo together on the 17th of November.  That's when I'll notice a difference.

Even though I have been a fat Cow over the past 6 weeks, I"m proud of me :) and can't wait to see what the next 12 months bring :)

Yarra Ranges Relay for LIfe 2011

I had a wonderful night last night doing my second Relay for Life. 

We got there just over an hour late and my clever Sister (Sarah aka Da) ad set up the Gazebo.  We put the tent up and were all ready to go. 

There was such a buzz around the place.  There were a lot more people than what there were at the Melton one that we did in April.  There was such a buzz around the place - the atmosphere was amazing.  It was a beautiful night and was actually quite warm.  Last year, Callum was amazing and this year was no different.  He did more laps than any of us!  He started the relay off.  Da went next and my Father and Poppa went afterwards.  We were doing about 3 laps of the oval each. 

Mum made some sausage rolls and some cupcakes which were devoured throughout the night and there were sausage sizzles and other things going on around the place.  So much food!  Not good for someone who has put on a few kilos in the last few weeks!  I didn't eat as much as I thought I would.  I actually didn't have as much to drink as what I thought I would either.  I did stay up all night although in saying that, I did have a little nap but didn't managed to have about 15 minutes of sleep.

I am 30 kilograms lighter than what I was when I did the Relay for Life in April and it certainly made a difference.  I didn't do nearly as much walking as what I did in April but, I was able to walk a lot faster and more comfortably than what I did in April.  My relay for life top fot me as well which was a bonus.

Today I am exhausted!  I got home at 11ish and slept until about 5 and the last hour and a bit that I have been up for have felt like a lifetime!  When I woke Callum up, I told him that it was time to go to School as last year he thought that it was morning and not late afternoon!  I said I'd run him a bath and he'd feel better after that.  After convincing me that he was too tired to go to School, I told him that he could have dinner instead and go back to bed again in a few hours!  That got him up. 

If you're able to make a donation, please go to http://vic.cancercouncilfundraising.org.au/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=323504

I had a fantastic time and look forward to particpating in the next one in Melton.  It is an awesome event to be a part of :)

A not so welcome back 170's but not for long...

I’ve tried to write this blog a few times but, have failed miserably.  
 
It has been a few weeks since I last wrote something.  I don’t think I’ve ever let it go on this long but shall attempt to summarise what’s been going on in the world of me in 50,000 words or less!

I’ve had a few things go on over the past few weeks which I’ve really struggled with.  I’ve continued to feel quite down and things have just seemed to go from bad to worse.  I suppose sometimes that’s how life can be, hey.  It’s not going to be all a walk in the park…

Aaaahhh, I’ve enjoyed the past few weeks with no fill.  For the first time in over a year, I have put on weight.  And I’m okay with that.  I have let myself go a bit.  It’s been nice to have a break and be able to eat pretty much anything I want.  And when I say it like that, I haven’t been eating a lot junk – even a simple Sushi roll or a warm chicken salad has been a treat and something that I am trying not to take for granted.  I’ve also realised once again that I am a food addict and I eat my emotions.  That’s possibly how I got ‘there’ in the first place.  To date, I weigh 172.2kg.

I’ve done a few things over the past few weeks to help make myself feel a bit better.  I’ve gone back to basics and have started such things as art therapy, breathing exercises, showers with lots of shower gel, pampering myself and spending time with my family and friends – stuff that makes me feel good.  It’s all this ‘self nurturing’ stuff that they speak about when you’re feeling a bit shitty.  And I’ve had to put a lot of effort in and it seems to be working.

I am going to phone Dr Winnett’s rooms tomorrow to find out when my next fill is.. he had arranged an appointment for me to see him after I’ve had another barium swallow.  I can’t remember the date so I need to find that out so that I can go and see him.  I have enjoyed my little break with no fill but I am really looking forward to having some fluid put back in the band so I have some restriction.  Having the courage to admit that I can’t do this on my own is something I did just over a year ago.  And I’m not afraid to stand up and say it again.

I found a book the other day from 2007 when I was at Fernwood.  I was doing their program where you saw a PT and a food consultant.  I had a look at my weight and I was 176.5kg.  I did have a photo in there as well but, I have no idea where it’s gone.  It was strange to see how I’ve just done a full circle and I’m back to where I started so long ago.  It’s a good feeling and it’s almost like I have a new start.  I am feeling better than I ever have physically, I’m doing things I never thought possible and although I’ve discovered a few bumps in the road, they’re important bumps and all part of my journey.

I’m coming up to my bandversary.  It’s on the 17.11.2011.  I’m not sure how I am going to celebrate.  I was going to have a gathering of some sort but, I think I’ll wait until I get to my 100kg mark before I do something.  At least we’ll be over the silly season.  Trying to work out what I could do to celebrate such an event.  Taking a progress photo will be one of the things on my list of things to do.

This weekend, I am taking part in relay for life.  I haven’t been in training like I was for the last one – I haven’t needed it as much this time!  I’m still going to find it a bit of a challenge as I haven’t been at the gym much.  I’m going to bring my heart rate monitor to work out how many calories I burn.  I also plan on running some of it.  The last time I did the relay, it was on Nanna’s birthday.  I actually rang her during my first lap as it was on her Birthday.  She was so proud of Da (my Sister), Lachlan and Callum for doing the relay in honour of her and I know that she will be just as proud this coming weekend when we brave the elements and walk for 18 hours.  If you’d like to sponsor me, I’d really appreciate it – here’s the link.  I miss her.

http://vic.cancercouncilfundraising.org.au/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=323504&langPref=en-CA&Referrer=http%3a%2f%2fwww.relayforlife.org.au%2fGetInvolved%2fSponsorATeamOrIndividual.aspx

Sorry for not writing for so long.  It’s qite hard not to write everything that’s happened in my life over the past few weeks here.  It’s been so challenging. I’ve managed to confront a lot of things that I have never had to before.  In a few weeks, I’ll speak about part of it as it all makes up who I am and where I’ve been.
I want to thank all of my friends who have been there for me over the last few weeks.  I wouldn't have been able to do it without you xo

I hope everyone is well xo

Dedicated to Lachie...

We all have them - the days where we simply CBF doing what we know we should be doing.  In my case, tonight it was going to the gym.  Now that I have no fill and I can eat a lot more than I have been able to in the past year, it is SO important that I work out whenever I can.  And tonight, if it weren't for my eldest Son, Lachie, I would not have gone.

Lachie is now officially a member of my Gym :) I signed him up last week to start today.  I have been setting a fine example for all of the Children for the past year about how important regular exercise and correct eating habits are and although I've had the best intentions of doing more exercise with them all, it's been a bit hard due to time constraints so, I thought it would be a good idea to sign Lachie up at the Gym.

He has been nagging me since yesterday to go.  I told him that we'd go tonight.  I got an SMS at around 4.30 asking if we could go to the Gym and I said yes.  When I got home, he asked what time we'd be going and I said 'when Dad gets home'.  'When Dad gets home' turned into 'after I've gotten tea' and in the end, we left as everyone was about to have dinner.

He did SO well.  We did 5 minutes of cross trainer, 10 minutes of treadmill (which included a minute of running) and 10 minutes on the bike.  We did a few weights - I started him on some really light upper body exercises (pull downs and a seated row) and then onto push ups.  We did a cool down and got home about half an hour ago. 

I have thanked him about 20 times for motivating me to go to the gym.  If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have gone.  I know that without doubt.   I'm going to get him an exercise book and write down what he's done each time he goes.  He thinks it's funny that his Mother is his 'Personal Trainer' in the making (literally) but, I don't want him to go through what I've gone through.  Living life like this is hard.  And if I can get him interested and motivated, hopefully he'll never experience what I have.

I was amazed at his dedication tonight - he was walking the same pace as I was (on double the incline).  I know that at the moment, it's a novelty for him (just like it is for all of us when we join the gym) but, I hope that by mixing it up, he'll enjoy going and it will become part of our routine.  I am going to get him to come 3 times a week with me and shall write out a program with him after I've worked out what he enjoys (and doesn't enjoy).  I'm really looking forward to watching him achieve some goals.  I am proud of him.  And I know that he is proud of me. 

Thank you, Lachie.  I love you so much xoxo