Found my mojo :)

Ouch!  I am so stiff and sore!  Serves me right for not doing at least some kind of exercise for the past 5 weeks or so.

I had my PT with Neil on Thursday night.  It went really well.  I was able to manage to work with the weights that I was doing during my last PT sessions at the Gym.  I was a bit rusty but quickly got into the hang of it.  Neil taught me a lot of different stretches and spoke about the sorts of things that we are going to do during our sessions.  I'm really looking forward to working with him.  I see him next on Wednesday.

I stayed at Mum and Dad's house last night.  Lachie spent the week up there for the School Holidays so, I needed to go and pick him up.  It made more sense to drive there last night and drive back home today rather than do 3 hours of driving in 1 day.  I got up at 7.45 and went for a 4km walk.  They live in a very hilly area so it was great to walk around.  At one stage, I thought I was going to die as I walked up a really big hill but, I kept my pace up and was quite surprised at the speed that I was maintaining.  I wore my heart rate monitor and was shocked at the fact how low my rate was.  I felt like my heart was about to explode but in actual fact, I was no where near my maximum.

It feels really good to be back in the swing of things again.  I am going to go for a walk with the kids tomorrow.  I don't think I'll get much of a pace going with the Twins on their bikes as I have to keep stopping every 50 metres or so but it will be nice to get some fresh air.  I have heard it's supposed to rain tomorrow so if it does, I'll go to the gym instead.

I want to make special mention of one of my gorgeous friends tonight - Tracey.  It was a year ago today that she started her weight loss journey.  She has lost 44.3kg since she started her journey a year ago today.  I am amazed at her results and am in awe of what she has achieved.  Trace and I 'met' almost 6 years ago on a weight loss forum and it's been wonderful to see her transform into the person she is today.  I am SO proud of her.  Check out this before and after shot...

The link to her blog (and her latest entry) is here...

http://traceyslastchance.blogspot.com/2011/10/omg-i-did-it-12-months-today.html

I've been feeling a lot better over the past few days.  I'm starting to get back into the swing of things.  And it feels good to be back on the right track :) thank you to everyone who sent me messages... I'm okay - like I said, it's something that think I can fix and I have proven that to myself over the past few days.  I will beat this.

Spanner in the works but the spanner won't stop me...

Yes, it's been a while.  I've had a few things occur over the past few weeks that have put a massive spanner in the works but, I think things are slowly sorting.

I went and saw my Doctor last week as I am quite concerned about how low I've been.  I've had some major lows over the past few weeks (mostly which I think were related to not being able to eat or exercise - totally putting me out of whack) and he agreed however, he has prescribed me some anti depressants.  I did say to him that I am going to leave it a few weeks to see how I feel before starting to take them. 

I have a history of depression and haven't been on medication for well over a year.  I don't think I need to go on them - I think I need to re tweak a few things and deal with some stuff before making such a decision to go back on them.  My Doctor supports my decision however, wants me to come back in a few weeks to check in.

It's been just over a week since I had all the fluid removed from my band.  It is such a strange feeling.  I can actually eat!  And it has proven to be both a good thing and a bad thing.  I have really been enjoying the fact that for the first time in almost a year I am able to eat things like bread, tiny bits of steak, CHICKEN!, Sushi, crumpets, rice - all sorts of things.  I haven't had much rubbish food (which is a bit of a surprise) but, I gave myself the first week to indulge.  And I certainly did that.  And I enjoyed it.  Simple things that I forgot I can no longer do like sculling a bottle of water are things that I am enjoying.  It's like having a little 'holiday' from my band.  I still can't eat much however, I can have more than normal, bigger quantities than normal and takes me a lot longer to feel full as things are going through the band a lot quicker.

Today was another 'down' day for me.  Like I said, I've been feeling up and down and these have been quite severe over the past few weeks.  I asked Callum to check the mail for me and amongst bills other things, there was a letter from Julia Gillard.  This isn't uncommon as I am in her electorate.  I opened it to see this... (address removed for obvious reasons!) - click on it to make it bigger...

After reading this, I remembered how good I felt at the time of the stair climb.  How motivated I was and how fit I was.  I remembered why I am on this journey and that I owe this to myself because I am worth it.  Although I don't feel that great at the moment, I know things are going to get better and I know what I need to do to make them better.  So, after having my little moment of rediscovery, I dragged myself to the gym. 

Firstly, I located my heart rate monitor.  I turned it on and it had several rude messages for me letting me know that I hadn't been doing what I was supposed to be doing - all of them were totally justified!  I decided to reset the data and start again.  I also measured myself before I left (I will put that information on my measurements page - not sure how I went yet in comparison to last time I measured myself) but, I am hoping it's quire remarkable!

When I got to the gym, I chatted to Eileen (the receptionist).  It was great to see her - I haven't seen her for some time (the 31st of August was my last visit to the Gym).  It was great to get back into things.  I didn't work too hard as I want to ease myself back into it.  I did enough to 'feel it'.

I have a PT session tomorrow night at 8.  It will be interesting to see how I go during that as I haven't been for some time.  I'm booked in to see a new Trainer now - his name is Neil.  I've heard some great things about him so, it will be interesting to see what he comes up with.

So, that's where things stand at the moment.  I've had a lot of ups and downs over the past year but more so over the past few months.  It's been pretty tough.  If anyone can get through it, it's me.  I've tackled some amazing things over my time.  This is just another one that I need to get through. 

Depression is shit (sorry for the swear word but, it is) and to a certain point, it's still something that people don't like to talk about but, I'm happy to share my experiences.  It's all part of my journey which is all part of the road that will lead me to my destination which is closer than I think :)

Pouches, fluid, football, food, stairs, sick days and a funny :)

I’ve had a busy week!  Thank you to everyone who Emailed me about my appointment on Wednesday and sorry to those who have been waiting for me to update my blog to let you know how I went!

I shall start at Monday.  On Monday, although I was feeling awfully sick, I went to work.  I ended up going home early (2ish) as I kept being sick even though I hadn’t been drinking or eating anything, my saliva wasn’t going down.

I didn’t go in on Tuesday either.  I couldn’t keep anything down and I just kept vomiting.  It was horrible.  I felt awful.

Wednesday came around (this is starting to sound like ‘the very hungry Caterpillar story’!) and I went and saw Dr Winnett.  He had a look at my images from my barium swallow and said that he doesn’t think that I have a small pouch at all.  He did say it could be a bit large but, it’s nothing to worry about.  I told him how I’d been feeling over the past few weeks (terribly stressed and moody) and we spoke about how problems like this can start playing on things like the feeling of depression and major mood swings (especially if you have experienced such things in the past, which I have). 

He said he wanted to take all the fluid out of my band.  It took him a few minutes to find the port!  I’m lucky – I don’t feel the needle at all.  I am not sure if it’s because I am numb due to the fact it’s so close to the incision from surgery but, the most uncomfortable thing about having an adjustment for me is having to lie down on a folded pillow and position myself in a sit up position.  It’s quite a work out!  He finally got access and took the fluid out (forgot to ask how much I had in there).  He has asked that in 6 weeks I go and have another Barium swallow and after I have done that, I go back and see him.  I might end up celebrating my bandversary (on the 17^th of November) with no fluid in it!  He also said that I might end up feeling hungry over the next few days.  That will be a strange sensation if it happens!

I also know that I am going to be able to fit more food in.  And different types of foods that I haven’t had ina while.  This is here willpower is going to come in.  And also what I have learnt over the past 12 or so months about what to eat and what not to eat is going to come into play.  I can do this although it’s going to be a challenge to see how well I do.  Once I am feeling better, I’ll be off to the gym.  I have the upcoming relay for life to train for plus, I’m feeling so frumpy after not doing anything for the past few weeks.

So yesterday, I got up at 5.30 (as I do on a work day), had a shower, got dressed and as I was about to walk out the door, I needed to go the toilet.  And without sharing specifics and too much information, that’s where I stayed for about an hour and that’s where I ended up heading several times during the day.  I went to see the Doctor and he gave me something for it as I had the worst stomach cramps.  It felt like I was having a baby.  It hurt SO much.  I ended up laying in bed for 90% of the day.  I caught up on the last weeks worth of Neighbours and had Charlotte act as my Nurse (she insisted on taking my temperature every few minutes when she got home from baby school).  I got up a few times throughout the night last night but am feeling a lot better today.

Missy Nurse

I am still achy but have managed to do a bit of cleaning and feel as though I have enough energy to prepare a brown and gold feast for my family tonight (brown and gold as Hawthorn are playing Collingwood tonight and I HOPE Hawthorn kick their butts!).  I am going to get my recipe book out after I’ve done some more housework and compile a lovely menu consisting of things such as golden potato wedges with BBQ sauce, mushroom and corn vol au vents, brown and gold cup cakes and bananas with chocolate custard for desert.  I am sure I can come up with some more ideas as the day passes.

So, everything is good at the moment.  Well, other than the fact I can’t seem to feel better.

I was also disappointed to be advised that Today Tonight won’t be airing my stair climb story at this stage :( I have asked if I can have the footage as it was such an achievement and a milestone in my journey but I have had no response to my request.  I am still on my mission to raise the $5,000 for the Cancer Council (we’re up to $3,394 – we’re SO CLOSE!).  My Aunty Linda has donated 2 quilts that she has made that we are going to auction on Ebay (watch this space!).  I also have a few cheques that I need to send to the Cancer Council to be applied to the total.  I was hoping that the Today Tonight story would generate some more interest and therefore some more donations to help us get to the $5,000 so that we could get a research award in my Nanna’s name but, if they’re not going to run the story, I shall have to find other ways of raising the remaining $1,606. 

If you are a new reader and are not aware of what this is about, I set myself a mission to climb the 46 floors of the building I work in (the Melbourne Central Tower).  I achieved it in 47 minutes and was doing it to raise money for the Cancer Council as my Nanna was diagnosed with pancreatic Cancer just over a year ago.  She passed away 2 days before I climbed the stairs.  She was fully aware of what I was doing and I am sure she knew that I would make it as she had such faith in my mission and what I was doing.  Here is the link to donate if you’d like to…

http://vic.cancercouncilfundraising.org.au/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=342014&langPref=en-CA

I’m 165.9kg today.  That’s 77.1kg in 415 days.  Wow.  I’ve nearly lost 80kg.  When I’ve lost 100kg, I might treat myself to a little cocktail party :)

I have to put this up too as I found this rather amusing - feel free to post what you got if you'd like :) there were some funny responses when I put it up on Facebook...

CARN THE MIGHTY HAWKS!

Hanging out for Wednesday...

Hope everyone has been having a good weekend :) it’s been wonderful weather.  I’ve been lucky enough to lap some of it up – mainly whilst hanging clothes on the line!  Other than that, I have spent most of the time inside cleaning!  
 
The liquid diet is going quite well.  It’s been hard to stick to.  I see Dr Winnett on Wednesday and hope that he has some solutions for my tinsy problem.  A lot of people have asked me if I am anxious about the possibility of having more surgery.  To be honest, no I’m not.  When I had my Surgery in November last year, I weighed around 220kg.  I am now around the 165kg mark.  The most dangerous part of my Surgery was the actual banding procedure itself and part of the reason why was because of my weight.  Considering I’ve lost almost 60kg since then, the risks of anything majorly going wrong have dropped dramatically.  And the major things were the things that I was worried about most of all when I had the surgery initially (major being death!).

I’ve had a few people tell me of their experiences with a small pouch.  One person had their band removed and then replaced a month later.  Another had all of the fluid from their band taken out and the problem fixed itself.  Another person decided to get rid of their band all together and go for a more permanent solution (gastric sleeve). 

It’s not much fun not being able to eat anything.  It’s like I am on the ‘pre banding’ diet I was on at the beginning but in saying that, I have been mixing it up a bit.  I have been having mainly Sustagen when I’m at work and I’ve having the Isagenix shakes at home.  I prefer the Isagenix as they’re not as sweet as the Sustagen and they fill me up more as they are quite bulky.  I am going to weigh myself tomorrow morning and see how much I’ve lost in the 2 weeks that I haven’t really been eating.  In saying that, I’ve actually been having  more KJ intake than what I normally do due to the shakes that I’ve been having.  If anything, I may have hit a plateau in my weight loss for the moment due to the fact that I’ve been able to track (and have had to) keep track of everything I’ve eating (or should I say sucked on or drank) to make sure that I am keeping on track.

Brendan took me to a bike shop the other day where they sell gels for bike riders so they can get a hit of energy.  I had one of these on Thursday and Friday.  If it weren’t for them, I may have fallen asleep at work!  I was SO tired!  I have a few of them left at work.  They are a very hard jelly consistency.  They are quite nice.  They are sickly sweet though and you need to drink a fair bit of water when you have them.  They are a mini lifesaver though. They are called ‘Eundura sports nutrition’.  They have about 500kj in them.

I have put up my September front and side photos a little late!  This month has gone so fast.  I did take these at the start of September.  I also need to take my measurements as well which I will do some time this week.

I really felt like having a glass of wine this afternoon – must be the Weather!  I had a dance instead.  I reckon I burned just as many KJ as what would have been in the wine that I was going to consume.  I am proud of myself :) I might have it tonight though if I still feel like it…

Hope everyone has a great week :)

I don't select! I'm too fat!

I need to whinge... I did have a good day so, for those who are sick of my whinging, I shall title each paragraph with what it is about so you can choose what to read! 

NON WHINGE - MY NEW CAR! - I got my car today :) it was wonderful to pick it up.  I picked it up at 2pm.  The Twins were so excited.  They are so comfortable in it and there is so much room.  It is lovely to drive and I got a reversing sensor installed which I am sure will come in handy.  I got it tinted as well.  It's so pretty.  I just need to think of a name for it.  It will be nice for the other one to have a bit of a rest.  I'll clean it out and make it all pretty and get some of the things that need repairing fixed.


WHINGE - REAL INSURANCE - I am trying to get income protection insurance.  I am going to name names as I am not being rude about them, I am just unsure about their screening process and policy.  I spoke to Real Insurance.  I gave them all my personal details (address, income etc...) and then they asked me for some further information.  They asked me questions about drinking, smoking, height and then weight - as soon as I told him how much I weigh, he informed me that they would not be able to offer me the insurance as my BMI is over 32.  I said I was prepared to go for a medcial however, he informed me they don't do medicals, they just assess people over the phone.  I was so cross.  Not at him but, the policy.  I pointed out to him that a lot of healthy and fit people would not be able to have their income protection insurance as they would be over the maximum BMI.  I asked if I could leave feedback and he informed me I was being recorded so, I let it rip!  I probably spoke uninterrupted for 2 minutes.  When I got off the phone, I started to cry.  I'd need to be 120kg to be able to get income protection insurance through them. 


MORE WHINGE - ABOUT ISELECT THIS TIME - iSelect then phoned me.  I had lodged an enquiry with them online last night.  They phoned about an hour after I had gotten off the phone to Real Insurance.  I advised him of BMI before he even started asking questions about my income.  He informed me that he was quite sure they wouldn't be able to offer me anything.  I said I had to go (I was at a play centre and Charlotte had fallen over) and I hung up the phone.  He phoned me back 5 minutes later and informed me that none of their providers (all 5 of them) would offer me Insurance because of my weight.  I had a small rant but didn't want to waste my breath.  He did suggest I phone the people I have my Superannuation with to see if they can offer anything.  I might just do that.


KIND OF WHINGE - MY SMALL POUCH - Blah.  My small pouch is starting to become a big problem. I can't eat.  Well, I can eat really small amounts of very soft things.  If it doesn't disolve in my mouth, there is no point in swallowing it.  I am feeling sick.  I am moody.  I am so up and down.  It is horrible at the moment.  Dr Winnett's receptionist phoned me today and I am booked in for an appointment next Wednesday.  I wonder if I am going to last that long... I am dizzy and dehydrated.  I am trying to keep going but it's getting difficult.  I am just wanting a resolution - I don't care what it is, I just don't want to keep feeling like this.


WHINGE - BROKEN LAP TOP - The Boys broke my lap top.  I went to do my Homework on it last night, opened it up and it had been stood on.  I am so annoyed.  I bought a new on but it's not the same - my other lap top was like home :( I don't have word or anything on this one so, I'll have to make do for the moment.  I might get the screen fixed on the broken one and let the Boys have it.  This one is MINE!  I have a password they'll never guess on it :)


I hope everyone is well :) I'm sorry to vent.  I guess having a blog is great as you can let it all out - on day, I might let it ALL out and really show how 'days of our lives' my life can be! 


I shall take my fat, un insured butt to bed and have a rest so I'm not grumpy tomorrow!

Funny search words...

On Blogspot, I get the chance to see stats and sometimes some of the words that are used when people stumble across my blog are funny.  Here are the ones from the past month…

Fat girls planking

Movingforwardlookingforward.blogspot.com

Shoes stair

Slipped lap and pictures

Tough PT changes

What else can I have with gravy?

Extreme thumbs

Overweight foot

34 weeks pregnant with twins

Today tonight 2 tickets

I have a small pouch... *medical images included down the bottom - may annoy some readers*

Just before you start to read, I have put images from my Gastroscopy down the bottom of my blog.  I have also put some images up from my Barrium Swallow which aren't as 'confronting' as they are an X Ray.  These are located half way down the page.  Sorry in advance if this offends anyone...

Today I had my endoscopy.  I thought it was at 12.30 however, it was actually scheduled for 9.30.  Lucky Brad got the paperwork that I needed to fill out prior to attending the clinic in the morning else I would have missed it.

I have and plenty of gastroscopys before as I had gall stones whilst I was pregnant with Callum.  After he was born, I had a lot of problems with tiny stones that I had gotten stuck along the 7 and a bit months of my pregnancy which meant I had to have a stent inserted into my bile duct before they went ahead and crushed the rest of the stones with a net. 

I had to fast from midnight last night (which wasn’t a problem as I’m not hungry!) although I did end up having to have a sip of water as I needed to have one of my indigestion tablets.  I have required these a fair bit over the past few weeks.

After I had the procedure (and was with it enough to enjoy watching Ellen whilst sipping on applie juice), Dr Winnett came and saw me. He told me that I have developed a small pouch and that I may require surgery to fix it.  He said that he wanted me to have a barium swallow and a follow up appointment had been made for me to see him after the test results had come through.

I went and had the barium swallow right away.  For those who haven’t had one (or don’t know what happens), you stand in front of an X Ray Machine and when prompted, you drink a contrast liquid (about the texture of Mylanta) and as you drink it, pictures are taken of what is going on as the fluid passes through the esophagus and in my case, my band.  It is quite bizarre watching it work!  I would have a mouthful of the ‘goo’ and I’d watch it go down my throat and to my stomach where it would sit on top of my band for a while before it drained through.  It was taking longer than what it should (which is why I was having this test).  I then had to eat a salada.  It was revolting as it was stale.  I had to eat it quite quickly so that they could see what happened when my band was put under ‘stress’.  The same thing happened – it didn’t do a lot – the fluid sat on top of the salada and managed to find it’s way through the cracks.  I then got dressed and he took another few pictures to show what happened after 5 minutes of eating the salada.  Not a lot had happened.

The white stuff is the fluid sitting on top of my band...

Another picture of the fluid going through my band and then to my stomach...

I found the pictures really interesting.  I am yet to fully research what a ‘small pouch’ is as I was a bit out of it when Dr Winnett was telling me what was going on.  On my report, it says that I have moderate erythematous.  If anyone has gone through it before, feel free to share your experiences and thoughts. 

If I do have to have more surgery, I’m not really that upset about it.  When you have any type of Surgery done, there are pros and cons.  This is one of those things that happens.  I will take it one step at a time.  The only thing I am a bit annoyed about is that everything has healed so nicely!  My scars are looking brilliant now.  Just a small set back on my way to having the perfect bikini body :)

The oher pictures are below... stop looking now if you don't want to see them!  You have been warned!

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