Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Spanner in the works but the spanner won't stop me...

Yes, it's been a while.  I've had a few things occur over the past few weeks that have put a massive spanner in the works but, I think things are slowly sorting.

I went and saw my Doctor last week as I am quite concerned about how low I've been.  I've had some major lows over the past few weeks (mostly which I think were related to not being able to eat or exercise - totally putting me out of whack) and he agreed however, he has prescribed me some anti depressants.  I did say to him that I am going to leave it a few weeks to see how I feel before starting to take them. 

I have a history of depression and haven't been on medication for well over a year.  I don't think I need to go on them - I think I need to re tweak a few things and deal with some stuff before making such a decision to go back on them.  My Doctor supports my decision however, wants me to come back in a few weeks to check in.

It's been just over a week since I had all the fluid removed from my band.  It is such a strange feeling.  I can actually eat!  And it has proven to be both a good thing and a bad thing.  I have really been enjoying the fact that for the first time in almost a year I am able to eat things like bread, tiny bits of steak, CHICKEN!, Sushi, crumpets, rice - all sorts of things.  I haven't had much rubbish food (which is a bit of a surprise) but, I gave myself the first week to indulge.  And I certainly did that.  And I enjoyed it.  Simple things that I forgot I can no longer do like sculling a bottle of water are things that I am enjoying.  It's like having a little 'holiday' from my band.  I still can't eat much however, I can have more than normal, bigger quantities than normal and takes me a lot longer to feel full as things are going through the band a lot quicker.

Today was another 'down' day for me.  Like I said, I've been feeling up and down and these have been quite severe over the past few weeks.  I asked Callum to check the mail for me and amongst bills other things, there was a letter from Julia Gillard.  This isn't uncommon as I am in her electorate.  I opened it to see this... (address removed for obvious reasons!) - click on it to make it bigger...

After reading this, I remembered how good I felt at the time of the stair climb.  How motivated I was and how fit I was.  I remembered why I am on this journey and that I owe this to myself because I am worth it.  Although I don't feel that great at the moment, I know things are going to get better and I know what I need to do to make them better.  So, after having my little moment of rediscovery, I dragged myself to the gym. 

Firstly, I located my heart rate monitor.  I turned it on and it had several rude messages for me letting me know that I hadn't been doing what I was supposed to be doing - all of them were totally justified!  I decided to reset the data and start again.  I also measured myself before I left (I will put that information on my measurements page - not sure how I went yet in comparison to last time I measured myself) but, I am hoping it's quire remarkable!

When I got to the gym, I chatted to Eileen (the receptionist).  It was great to see her - I haven't seen her for some time (the 31st of August was my last visit to the Gym).  It was great to get back into things.  I didn't work too hard as I want to ease myself back into it.  I did enough to 'feel it'.

I have a PT session tomorrow night at 8.  It will be interesting to see how I go during that as I haven't been for some time.  I'm booked in to see a new Trainer now - his name is Neil.  I've heard some great things about him so, it will be interesting to see what he comes up with.

So, that's where things stand at the moment.  I've had a lot of ups and downs over the past year but more so over the past few months.  It's been pretty tough.  If anyone can get through it, it's me.  I've tackled some amazing things over my time.  This is just another one that I need to get through. 

Depression is shit (sorry for the swear word but, it is) and to a certain point, it's still something that people don't like to talk about but, I'm happy to share my experiences.  It's all part of my journey which is all part of the road that will lead me to my destination which is closer than I think :)


  1. I did not know things were so bad. If you ever need anyone to talk to you can always pop round or pick up the phone and cal me.

    Mel x

  2. No wonder you are depressed you are massive

  3. why is it necessary to be so effing nasty!!! at least steph is doing things to try and help herself if you cant say anything positive shut your mouth

    love you steffi <3 cath xoxox