Unplugging

I'm not sure how long I'm going to last but over the weekend I decided that it's time to have a break from social media.  For the most part, I love using it and enjoy doom scrolling and laughing at cat videos, oohing and aahing over new babies that have entered the world and seeing what my friends and family are up to.  On the flip side, I am spending way more time than I'd like on there and have been doing so since I started to become unwell as it's such a time killer!  I was watching a Woman from Overseas the other week who was sitting on a swingy chair with a cup of Tea.  She was live streaming.  Someone asked her if she'd seen photos from the MetGala and what she thought.  She laughed and said she didn't have time for any of that and that there were way more important things for her to focus her time on which is what has really made me look at what I want for myself because this isn't it! 

Due to my new friend chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), I don't have a lot of energy which means I spend a lot of the day sitting (or laying!) on the couch.  I'm not totally unproductive when I'm there - I pay bills, send emails, make appointments - I do the things that need to be done BUT I also spend a massive amount of time being unproductive.  If you've been following me for a while, you may have noticed I post a story on IG daily (well, I try to!) but that's about the extent of what I do.  I had one of my close friends tell me off for not replying to the message they sent me on IG - I can't remember the last time I checked my DMs on any platform.  I enjoy chatting to people but I am guilty of starting to have a conversation and then forgetting that I was so I leave it unread!

So it's time I tried something new and this is it.  To force me to journal (which is something I find really helpful but haven't been doing a lot of), I'm going to do it here.  And I'll attempt to do it daily so that one day I can look back and see how far I've come.  Although I've been feeling 'okay', I know I'm not myself.  It doesn't take a lot for me to feel like I'm on shaky ground and sometimes I wonder how much (if anything) it will take for me to fall.  It's due to a mixture of stuff but most of it is to do with how exhausted I am.

At the moment, I'm sleeping for around 4 hours a night but it's broken sleep.  Sometimes I get the 4 hours in 1 hour blocks, sometimes I get the 4 hours in one hit.  But it's absolutely killing me.  When I don't get enough sleep, I end up spiralling into a depressive low and I need to go to Hospital.  That is what I am trying to avoid.  I have a huge list of stuff that I need to get done but don't have the energy for because I'm not sleeping so it's an evil cycle that I can't seem to break.  I'm working with someone who is giving me strategies on how to deal with the CFS symptoms but like most things, it's going to be a marathon and not a sprint.

I want to focus on getting my boxes unpacked (yes, my garage is still full of them as I sustained my injury shortly after moving here), making my house a home, writing, turning my backyard into an Urban Oasis, gym, pole, fishing, walking, a new sport, getting Sunshine (where possible), stretching, relaxing, reading, spending time with friends, baking - so many things that are more worthy of my time.  And whilst I'm scrolling, I'm not challenging myself to push past the tiredness and unpack a box or get up off the couch and cut down a Yukka!  My main focus though is working on me and being the best version of myself.  I feel like I lost that when I was injured.  I lost a lot of my favourite bits about me so I'm going to work hard to get them back.

Apologies in advance for the fact I haven't yet announced my departure publicly!  I know people tend to freak out when I'm absent (which I appreciate greatly) but I'm still here.  You're welcome to follow along and read my ramblings if you wish to xo I'm excited about what I anticipate achieving but I do acknowledge it may be a bit of a struggle to begin with!  

Thank you for all your support xo it does mean the world.  I have evolved a lot over the years.  I am proud of the fact I've decided I want better for me.  Although it's taken me a while to work out some of the things I need to cut in order to focus on myself, my mental health, physical health and healing matter so much to me right now.