Thursday, April 11, 2013

Feeling a bit down :/

I'm feeling a bit down tonight.  I've had an interesting few days.

I went to see Dr Winnett yesterday.  I waited for quite some time to see him.  He wasn't able to locate my port to do my fill so he told me I'd need to go into the City to have it done under XRay.  When I got into the car after seeing him, I just started to cry.  I have put on more weight.  I'm now 211kg.  I couldn't believe it.  I still can't believe it.  I just keep going backwards.  I know it's because I'm not motivated to exercise at the moment and my diet hasn't been very good.  And I know that these have been my choices.  And yes, I have beat myself up about it quite a bit.  And no, I didn't want to write this blog as quite frankly, I'm ashamed of what I've done. 

I went Olympic Imaging to get my fill done.  It took them an hour and a half as there were some problems with the port.  At first, they thought that it had flipped again as it was on such a strange angle.  Then they drained 60ml of fluid that had built up around the port.  This made it easier for the Doctor to put the fill in.  He put 1ml in (I now have 6ml in my band) and I had to stay for 15 minutes to make sure that it wasn't too much.  I have to go back in 2 weeks where they'll assess if I need to have more Surgery.

I went home feeling numb.  

Today, I've felt a bit better.  I can only have fluids as my band is a bit tight which is making me feel miserable.  I' also had some pain in the port site.  I will call Dr Winnett's rooms tomorrow.

I need to start going back to the gym.  I'll start back next week once my fill and port has settled down.  I'm a bit excited as I'm going on a cruise sometime this year which will mean hopping on a plane.  I don't want to be this big and fly so having to stick to fluids is probably not such a bad thing.

I see Dr Winnett again in 4 weeks.  I hope and will try to be under 200kg by that time.  I hate being this weight.

I also see Natasha on Saturday.  She's my Psychologist.  I am going to talk to her about emotional eating.  I don't understand it.  I mean, I get the fact that I pick up something and eat it when I'm down but I cant keep doing this.  It's simply not healthy.  I don't know why I do it.  Luckily I can't right now.  I can emotionally drink... now there's an idea :)


  1. Oh hon hugs and I am thinking of you...

  2. use your planned cruise as motivation. At that weight, you won't fit in the seats in the plane. I don't mean that in a rude way. I am in sales as a rep, and travel interstate a bit. I am 168 kilos and apart from needing the belt extension (which I hate) I fit in the seat but it is tight and I have no leg room. You would have to buy two seats with most airlines as well, because many have a weight restriction. So focus on being able to get on the plane and travel safely and comfortably. Focus on the cruse and how much more you will enjoy it. You will get there. You haven't given up and that's more than most. Like you said in one of your earlier posts, you have lost so much weight already and that is something to be really proud of. Keep going!

  3. Don't give up... we all have our up and down times... just keep at it, as there is many people watching and following you Steph.

  4. how are you going? You haven't posted in nearly 2 months. Hope things have picked up for you and you are feeling happier.

  5. hey there.. it's been 3 months since your last post. You asked us to remind you to post if you didn't :-) I want to know how you are going with your PT course as well as your general journey. The failures are still part of the journey. It shows people that this really isn't the easy option out that many people claim. I am dying to know how you are going - good or bad, and I am sure there are others here too that would love to know and will support you. Looking forward to your next post!