Just under THAT number again...

199.9kg.  This is somewhere I've been before and was somewhere I'd hope not to be again but, it is what it is and I'm changing that.  In short, this means that I put on 30kg (thereabouts) between March and October.  And that was not good.  But like I said, it is what it is and what's done is done.  I'll lose it quicker than what I put it on but it is a minor step backwards in my weight loss journey.

I've done so well this week :) my eating has been fantastic and I have been at the Gym every day.  I worked especially hard in my training last night and I also signed up for a circuit class.  There's no better feeling than when you have finished at the Gym and you know you pushed yourself as hard as you could go and you pushed through boundaries.  I'll be a bit sore for it later on today but it was well worth it. 

I've booked my next appointment with Jason.  It's on the 8.11.2012.  At the moment, I am in what they refer to as the green zone with the band.  Things are perfect.  This does change quite frequently with me though as I have to have so many adjustments but I'll enjoy it whilst it lasts.

I'm just happy that I am on back on track again and hopefully, this is it.  I will not look back again and I'll just keep on going :)

4.7kg down this week :)

I'm so proud of myself.  I've lost 4.7kg this week :)

I put it down to a few things.  I was quite sick (cold sick) and I had a really sore tummy all week as well.  I went to the gym once but also went for a really nice walk on the Sunday.  I also used OptiFast for 2 meals per day (on most days) and I also had my fill.  Things have been going so well this week :)

I went to the Gym today.  I am still a bit chesty so I took it a little bit easy.  I did some walking, some running and a lot of upper body work.  I'm going to feel it tomorrow.  I have written myself up a program that I am going to stick to when it comes to weights. 

For my upper body, I'll do the following...

Dumbbell Shoulder Presses - 4 sets with 8 reps
Cable upright row - 3 sets with 8 reps
Dumbbell rear delt raise - 3 sets with 8 reps
One arm cable curl - 3 sets with 8 reps
Barbell Curl - 2 sets with 8 reps
Dumbbell concentration curl - 2 sets with 8 reps
Dumbbell triceps kickbacks - 3 sets with 8 reps
One arm dumbbell triceps ext - 3 sets with 8 reps
One arm reverse push down - 3 sets with 8 reps

I haven't worked out a lower body plan yet.  I'll work that out tomorrow.  I'll alternate my weights and cardio days but will always do at least 30 minutes of cardio per session.  I know this way, I'll see some amazing results really fast.

Tonight when I did it, I took note of all the heaviness of the weights that I was using and may increase them next time depending on how I feel over the next few days.

I'm so happy that I'm back into the swing of things :) I can't wait to see myself transform.

I've also started using 'My Fitness Pal' and my name is 'iamabeetle' on there for anyone who wants to add me :)

Hope everyone has had a fantastic weekend :) I know I certainly did xo

20 minutes for 1ml...

Today I went into the City to have my fill.  I went to get some new shoes first.

I was really pleased that they had exactly the same shoes that I used to have and they were half the price that they were when I first bought them.  They were exactly my size (12) as well which was lucky.  Everything happens for a reason :)

I then went off to have my fill.  There are only 2 people who do the fills at the Imaging Centre and the Doctor who did mine today normally doesn't have a problem finding it (it's done using an X-Ray so you'd imagine that there shouldn't be a problem at all).  Today, my port was not cooperating at all.  He tried for 20 minutes before he was able to put the fill in.  And it was only 1ml that went in.  He wasn't able to find the entrance to the port and he kept getting the edge of it (which is metal) so the needles kept bending.  I didn't feel a thing.  I did have a local though which may have helped but I am relieved that I don't feel it when I have to an adjustment as I know that some people aren't so lucky :)

I don't see Jason until the 8.11.2012 and after dinner tonight, I realized that I can only just notice the difference.  It's better to go slow and steady rather than fast.  It just means that I am going to have to work extra hard on self control, portion size and exercise.  All of these things are in my control.

I went to the Gym tonight.  I can't believe how unfit I am!  I went on the Treadmill, the Cross Trainer and the Bike.  I was so hot and sweaty by the time it was over.  I can't wait until I am fit again.  I know it's going to be hard work but it's an amazing feeling.  I look forward to feeling it again.

I have put some photos of the needle that they use for the fill in my photo album as I know some people don't like the look of them.  I have also put a photo of my 'jab wounds' in there as well.  Check them out if you'd like :)

High on emotion...

If you know me well (or I’ve just told you in passing because I think you’re special!), you’d know that I’ve been off work for the past 5 weeks.  It’s been a really trying time.  I haven’t been as productive as I’d hoped and I have let a lot of things go.  Including my desire to stick on my journey and continue losing weight.  In fact, I have put a fair bit on in the past 5 weeks.  It’s been quite a trying time.  I’ve spent most nights not being able to sleep, I’ve had nightmares, I have been high and low – it hasn’t been fun.  It got to the point where I was writing a list of 3 things that I wanted to achieve each day to ensure that I have been able to meet some goals.  It’s been shit!

I am not sure when I’m going back but I know during that time, I have a few things I want to do.  I want to give blood, rip up the shrubs outside the front of my house, finish painting the lounge room, volunteer in the Canteen at Callum’s School, finish my PT course and help make a difference in the world :)

Over the last few days, something has just clicked.  I have had enough of how I am feeling.  The downers are becoming more frequent and the uppers aren’t as ‘genuine’ as what they normally would be (I hope this makes sense!).  I’ve simply had enough.  And the fact that I am not sure about what the future holds (and I don’t really feel like thinking about it at the moment), hasn’t made things any easier.  So tonight, I went for a walk.

I walked around a track in Bacchus Marsh tonight.  I’ve walked around it a number of times.  My hips were killing me and I was quite puffed but I felt such a sense of achievement once I had done it. Each ‘section’ of the track got a little easier and I was in such a great mood by the end of it.  The Weather was lovely.  I watched the sun set as I was walking and put things into perspective.  I walked 3.25km in 43 minutes.

I can accept the things I can’t change although sometimes this is a bit tough.  But I need to continue to change the things that are in my control and find the courage to do so.  I love Pete Murray and the first verse of one of his songs called free is ‘As hard as you know you know, you will make the distance even if everything is falling down.  But don’t lose that vision and don’t lose your courage until you are standing here right with me now’.  These words make a lot of sense to me and have made me know that I can do this.  I can’t lose this.  I can’t give in.  I can’t give up.  I HAVE  to keep going.  I WILL do this.  I WANT this.

I got home and had some yogurt for dinner and I am going to get my fill either tomorrow or Tuesday.  That will fix things up.

I haven’t wanted to get my fill as I have once again fallen into the trap of eating my emotions (and I have so many of them!).  It’s shit but I can and will fix this.

I've relied on my friends over the past few weeks to get through.  Thank you all from the bottom of my heart xo you mean the world to me (especially my Trishy and Amelia and Sharon and Bec xoxo).  I am lucky that I have so much support around me and you can’t begin to understand how grateful I am for that.  You all have such a special place in my life and that is such a blessing.  Mwah xoxo

So I ask you as my gorgeous readers to hold me accountable!  If you don’t see me blog and you want to know what I’m up to, just post a comment!  I’m normally quiet when I’m not doing anything.  This is where I spill my truth and I find that hard to do at times as I don’t like owing up to the things I have been (or haven’t been) doing.

Once again, bring it on.  And hope I don’t stop moving again.  I deserve this.  Even if I don’t think I do.

P.S - Happy Anniversary Trish and Clint xo