The verdict...

Where to start...

I had a good day yesterday.  I realised that it was the last day that I'd be able to have normal food again in a while so, I lapped it up.  I had a ham and cheese croissant, pancakes for morning tea (that was a treat from my Team Leader for the team so, I joined in!), Indian for lunch and a slice of pizza for tea.  Oh, and some strawberries and Chocolate.  Yes, most of the food that I ate would have been found at the top of the food pyramid but, I won't be able to eat a majority of those foods again for a very long time. 

Before I left work yesterday, I rid my desk of anything that I would be tempted to eat when I go back tomorrow.  Even the not so bad for me things like Ryvita made it's way else where.  I have some yogurt, some low fat cream cheese and some strawberries in the fridge at work.  They were allowed to stay but, I donated my Chocolate stash and threw out some other things that I just don't need.

I was a bit nervous when I woke up this morning.  I guess I wasn't sure what the result would be when I saw Dr Winnett today.  I knew I had put on weight but the most important question I wanted answered was has my stomach settled down enough to have my fill put back in.  And I am pleased to announce that yes, it had :)

It took him forever to find the port.  It might be because he had an audience - the Twins were there watching on.  When he put the fluid in, I felt the tension (I think it would have been because there was some left over toast still making its way down).  It was such a strange sensation.  I had a drink of water to make sure it wasn't too tight (there is 4ml in there which is quite a bit) and left.

Within  few hours, I had some acid but, I put that down to the fact I had vegemite toast before I went and saw him.  I am now going to have to remember to take my tablets each day to ease that again now - something I haven't had to worry about for the past 6 weeks.

I am 176.2kg.  Which means I've put on 9.6kg in the past 6 weeks. 

I was a bit surprised at what I'd put on.  Dr Winnett pointed out it could have been worse.  He also pointed out that I should have expected to put on weight due to the fact that the 6 weeks prior, I wasn't even able to drink water at times.  He was very encouraging.  I also realised that by the time it comes to me having reached my goal weight, I would have lost an extra 10kg so, I would have lost 173kg rather than the 163kg. 

So, today for lunch I had a shake.  623kj.  And tonight for dinner and I had a banana smoothie.  844kj.  I've also had a fair bit of water. 

The best thing about my fill is the fact that I no longer feel hungry.  I remember how scary it was to not feel hunger when I first got my band but, to feel hungry.  It is much worse feeling hungry. 

If the last 6 weeks has shown me anything it's the fact that I know why I had the surgery in the first place.  And I haven't really said it.  But I'm about to.  I'm a food addict!  And when Dr Winnett put it in not so many words today, for the first time, I admitted it to myself.  I already mentioned in one of my previous blogs that I have no self control and this is true.  I have none at all.  Eating makes me happy.  And in the last 6 weeks whilst I could eat, I forgot about the other thing that makes me happy - exercising, feeling that ache after a good PT session, preparing really healthy food and feeling 'cleansed'. having energy, drive, motivation, a desire to succeed.  In a way, I also realise how exciting but scary it is to be under 170kg.  I can't remember the last time I was under that (other than the last time I saw Dr Winnett).  It's the unknown.  But, I'm looking forward to discovering the unknown.

I think I'll discover a few things over the next few months that I didn't know.  Some of it's going to be hard, some of it's going to be easy but all in all, I am looking forward to seeing how well I can do over the next few weeks.  One thing I want to do is get under 165kg before the end of the year.  And if it's possible, I am going to EVERYTHING I can to try and get under 160kg. 

It's good that my scales seem to be pretty accurate as I'll weigh myself on the 1st of January 2012 and cross my fingers that I made it :)

My next appointment with Dr Winnett is in 2 weeks to see how I have been going with the fluid put in.  The one after that is on the 22nd of December. 

I might cop a bit for what I have written in my blog tonight.  Maybe because I have written about eating junk food and how much weight I've put on.  This is all part of my journey.  And writing what I have written is not only being honest with all of you but also being honest with myself.

Things are going really well for me right now.  Many doors are opening up for me that I didn't think ever would.  I've managed to regain control of certain aspects of my life.  I've also been able to feel like I'm ready to let go of some things that have been holding me back.  I'm excited about the possibilities of the next few months.  More about that tomorrow... my 1st bandversary!