Half the battle...

I have my eating under control finally!  2 weeks after my fill and I can safely say that I am back onto remembering to eat slowly, enjoy my food and chew, chew, chew! 

My headache has eased.  I drank so much water yesterday and did the same today.  I have made it a rule that everyime I start talking to someone, I have a drink.  This can be a bit difficult if I am on the phone to a Client as I don't want to make my gurgling noise after I've had a sip to drink.  I have been bringing a water bottle with me everywhere I go and have been working on my 2 litres a day.  I'm very pleased :)

Today for breakfast, I had a Coffee and a Yoghurt.  For lunch I had a Salad and for dinner, I had half a taco which to my suprise has remained 'down'.  I normally throw mince up but, I chewed it so much.

I see Dr Winnett tomorrow.  I am not sure how much I have lost, I know I've lost something.  I can feel it.  I also have a lot more energy.

Eating is only half the battle.  I am still not exercising.  Other than the fact I am finding it really hard to fit in to my new routine, I simply can't be bothered!  I am sure over the next week or 2 when everything settles down, I'll be back at the gym or climbing up stairs.  I need to do something as I am unfit although in saying that, I am feeling so much better than what I did this time last year!

Today was quite warm in Melbourne.  Summer is certainly close!  I am waiting for the clothes that I ordered to come in.  I can't wait to try on the dresses that I bought.  I'll put those clothing links up tonight - I couldn't get to them the other night as there was a problem with the forum.

This time of year is so busy.  I don't know where to start when looking at my Calander.  I commence working full time as of next week and will be doing Overtime on Saturdays so for the next month or so, I won't have a life!  I have Christmas concerts, the Chreche Christmas party, the work Christmas party, Christmas drinks here and there and I am still yet to put together the menu for Christmas day!  Last year I did quite well at making most of the food band friendly.  I'll have to see how I go this year.

This week has been a lot more positive for me.  I have had a few ups and downs over the past few weeks.  Life is never going to stop throwing curve balls at me but, changing the way I deal with them plays a big part.  I'm amazed at how much I've 'grown up' over the past year.  And although some of the thoughts I have in regard to morals and values and responsibilites haven't changed, the way I deal with things have.  And I'm proud of this.  And I am going to go far as a result. 

Tomorrow, I am taking the kids to get their photo taken with Santa.  The Twins wouldn't sit with Santa last year!  I hope that they do this year.  It's the first time in 12 years that I haven't had a Santa photo of my gorgeous Cherubs.  And I might even get a start on my Christmas cards tomorrow.  So much to do - so little time!

What a week...

What  a week it's been!  It feels like it's taken forever!  I'm happy the weekend is finally here (and I'm not working Overtime!).

I have done so well with my eating this past week.  The only time I've really slipped up has been today when we celebrated a friends birthday at work and I had a pancake and I've also had a few pieces of Chocolate here and there.  Other It than that, I have been very good!  Next week, I am going to make sure that I concentrate on making sure that I have enough to eat and that what I do eat is the correct thing.  For example, last night I was full from 2 teaspoons of fetta cheese.  Not good for dinner!

I had an RDO yesterda.  I made sure that I concentrated on drinking as much water as what I could.  I managed to get a few litres down.  I didn't do as well today.  My headache has been on and off this week.  I was hoping that by rehydrating would help it.  I ended up with a headache this afternoon.  Still not sure what it's related to but, I shall keep an eye on it.

I start back at work 5 days next week!  I'm a bit nervous.  I haven't worked full time for the past 5 years!  It's going to be an experience.  Lucky I work with an awesome group of people or it simply wouldn't be possible. 

I see Dr Winnett next week on Wednesday.  I think that I could have some more fluid added to my band as I am not 100% in the 'green' zone yet.  I shall let you know how I went with my weight as well.

I've learnt a lot this week.  I've refocussed, worked out what direction I want to be heading in and more importantly the sorts of people I want to surround myself with.  I have some amazing people in my life and I am so blessed.  Poeple who are supportive, kind, loyal, honest and share the same values as I do are the sorts of people that will make the cut!  And I've also realised too that as I have started to gain more confidence, I've been able to find the strength and courage to stand up to those who I don't think have a positive impact on my life.  Like I said, I've learnt a lot this week.  And am feeling better for the changes I have made.

I'm going to post a few links as well but I'll do that in a seperate blog so that it's easy to locate.

Hope everyone is well :) xo

A picture says a thousand words (or in this case, 19)

Migraine :/

I think if I looked hard enough, I'd find a post with the same title as this one...

I've had a really bad Migraine since yesterday.  It started as a headache on Friday, I conquered Overtime on Saturday but struggled with it yesterday.  I'm amazed that I made it through the whole day at work today as it was quite bad.  The only thing that has seemed to work when I have a migraine in the past is a medication called Maxalt and there is only one Chemist in my area that stocks it so, I went to the Doctors this afternoon to get a new script for it and went and it.  It didn't work as the Migraine had already settled in so, I had a little nap and it seems to have gone away for the moment.  I have gotten up to have some dinner and a drink and then I'm having a shower and back off to bed for me!

I remember when I first got my band, I used to suffer from headaches quite badly.  One of my other fellow bandit friends said she went through the same thing.  I need to remember that now I have had my fill, I am technically back at the start again as far as getting used to my band goes.  My body has had the past 6 weeks living relatively normal and now it's back to being banded.  I've had a fair bit of water to drink today but have been struggling to eat as much a what I should be as I do forget to eat as I'm no longer hungry.  I bought some shakes tonight and I'll put them in the fridge at work and shall set reminders on my Outlook so I remember to have them!  I hate Migraines.  I haven't had one like this for a very long time.

I've had a really good last few days.  I went to the movies with a friend on Saturday night (yes, I saw Twilight) and it was really well done.  On Sunday, we went to the Miniature Railway in Altona yesterday.  The kids love it there.  I had a ride on one of the trains with Charlotte and we had a Picnic.  I packed some rolls and some fruit.  The Weather was perfect.  A little bit windy but, it was nice to get out into the fresh air. 

I'm looking forward to this weekend - a friend at work gave me some tickets to a magic show.  I haven't told the kids about it yet but, I am sure they'll be excited. 

I hope everyone has started to do their Christmas shopping!  I can't believe how organised I am this year!  I have a few people left to buy for but, I am shocked that I have almost finished all of my shopping!  We are so lucky to have everything available at the touch of our fingertips.  I haven't gotten much from the actual shops at all this year. 

I was going to weigh myself this morning but, I see Dr Winnett again next week so, I think I'll wait to see what his Scales say.  It will take me a while to get used to having my fill back I but the weight should have already started to drop off again.

Clothes, Cruskits, Nuts, Kilograms and Tickets...

It was such a warm day today in Melbourne.  Summer is defiantly approaching!

I don't feel the heat as much as what I did last year but in saying that, I went to my Cupboard this morning to find something to accommodate such a hot day but have nothing to wear as everything from last year is too big!  I am going to have to go shopping, I think.

The last few days have been fantastic.  My eating is certainly back on track.  I have been drinking a fair bit of water and I don't have any hunger sensation at all.  It's been really good to start feeling 'normal' again.  I had a Banana Vive for Breakfast, 2 Cruskits and cream cheese for lunch, some pureed apple for afternoon tea and haven't yet had anything for dinner.  When you have the band and you're not hungry, it's often hard to remember when it's time to eat and given the fact it's almost 9.45pm and I'm working Overtime tomorrow, I am best to worry more about sleep then something to eat!

I've worked so hard this week.  Not sure what we are doing on Sunday.  I haven't even checked the Weather.  I want to do something nice with the Kids.  I have each Wednesday off but the Twins are home so it's not really a day off as such. It's a challenge to get everything that needs to be done in the one day but, somehow, a majority of it gets finished.  It's called organised chaos.  And I am happy t say I am the master of it!

I am really looking forward to Christmas.  I started doing the shopping a few weeks ago.  I picked up a few more things today and am going to start working out what to cook.  We are having it here again this year.  It's fun working out what to make.  The ham I made last year was divine and although I could only have a tiny slither of it, just the smell of it was enough to ease my cravings.

I've been craving lots of different foods recently (no, I am not pregnant).  I really wanted Blueberries the other day.  And Chocolate is a constant thing I want.  I also craved bubble and squeak!  Not sure where these things come from!  I had a friend who had a constant craving for nuts.  If she had too many, she got a tummy ache.  You still get cravings or a want for food when you have a lap band.  It's just a matter of realising that you can't eat them either because they'll get stuck or because they're not good for you! 

When you first become banded, there is something they often refer to as 'head hunger' which is where you see something that you'd like to eat but, you're not hungry so, you need to resist it.  I've been having a few of those moments over the past few days.  It's like I've started back at the beginning again and that's not a bad thing.  It's just strange going through all of these sensations again.

I'd like to thank everyone for the overwhelming support over the past few days.  It's been amazing.  This time last year, I was in bed!  I was still tired and sore and knocked out because of the strong pain killers I'd been prescribed.  I'm still amazed at how fast the time has gone. 

I received a lovely Email from a reader today who spoke about how she appreciated my honesty.  How I am not afraid to say that I've stuffed up and as she is a bandit, she knows how it feels to have a set back on your journey.  She actually had the same thing happen (had all of her fluid removed) and she put on 15 kilograms in just under 5 weeks.  Her band slipped back into place and everything went well again (just like mine has) but, she reminded me why my band slipped in the first place - it was because I had lost so much weight.  And it will probably do it again.  If it happens again, I know that I will be better prepared for it.  But, I don't beat myself up about 9 kilograms.  Although I did cop a bit of crap for it (as I had expected), those who bagged me had no idea as to what it is like to be a bandit.  I had no idea what it was like before I got it.  And I am still learning!  I think it takes a few years to totally appreciate how to work with your band. 

When you succeed at something, it's an amazing feeling.  And I have done so well.  Sorry if I have tickets on myself but, they are well deserved tickets :) I've never had tickets before.  And I'm only going to get more of them.  And like I've said, there's no stopping me now and there's nothing holding me back.  There are so many more tremendous things to come.

Happy 1st bandversary to me :)

It's been an amazing day.

I'd like to start by saying thank you all for the wonderful comments, messages, Emails and words of support.

This year has certainly been an amazing one.  It's funny thinking back - this time last year, I was sipping on my first apple juice in what felt like years and was totally off my head trying to find my iPhone in my bathroom bag!  I've certainly come a long way from there.

I officially began my journey back in August last year but was banded on the 17th of November 2011.  I have lost over 50kg since then.  My actual weigh in on that date was never confirmed as the scales at the Hospital would not weigh me.  I still remember being so scared about the move I was about to make and I know, without a single doubt in my mind that I made the right decision.

Someone pointed out something on my blog comments last night about how unless you've actually been banded, you have no idea what this journey is like.  That is so true.  And unless you've had the fluid removed from your band after having it for some time, you still have no idea what it's like!  It's horrible.  Feeling this hunger.  This desperation and this constant feeling of needing to satisfy it.  Today has been wonderful as I haven't felt hungry at all.  I have stuck to my eating plan 100% but, I do need to watch that water intake especially considering as we are embarking on the warmer weather.

I had a really good day at work.  It was pretty busy but was rather enjoyable (I must be feeling unwell!).  I am getting a lot of satisfaction from being there at the moment and am looking forward to the future.  I think my new found confidence has a lot to do with it.  When I returned back to work in March last year, never did I think I'd be exploring some of the opportunities that are being presented to me at the moment.  I wouldn't have had the confidence to do any of the things that I have been doing recently.  I've really come out of my shell.

I've discovered a lot of new things over the past few days.  Strengths that I didn't realise I had.  Moments that I thought may have made me weak and crumble but instead, I have thrived and come out in front.  It's an awesome, empowering feeling.  One of my friends had this as their Facebook status yesterday - 'the degree of responsibility you take for your life, determines how much change you can create in it...' and I had to read it a few times before I totally understood it.

I like me as a person but there are parts of me I can't stand and parts of me I don't like when I'm confronted with different situations.

But, as I gain more confidence, the part of me that can stand up for what I believe in is in there, it just takes a bit of courage from my side to come out.  And to quote the good old Dr Phil, 'we teach people how to treat us' and I believe that goes for how we treat ourselves and what we expect from ourselves.  And I expect no more from me but the best that I know I can give.  And I'm happy to say that I have no other than the best people surrounding me and supporting me through this.

Thank you all for being there thus far.  Watch this space.  The next year is going to be one to remember.

xo

The verdict...

Where to start...

I had a good day yesterday.  I realised that it was the last day that I'd be able to have normal food again in a while so, I lapped it up.  I had a ham and cheese croissant, pancakes for morning tea (that was a treat from my Team Leader for the team so, I joined in!), Indian for lunch and a slice of pizza for tea.  Oh, and some strawberries and Chocolate.  Yes, most of the food that I ate would have been found at the top of the food pyramid but, I won't be able to eat a majority of those foods again for a very long time. 

Before I left work yesterday, I rid my desk of anything that I would be tempted to eat when I go back tomorrow.  Even the not so bad for me things like Ryvita made it's way else where.  I have some yogurt, some low fat cream cheese and some strawberries in the fridge at work.  They were allowed to stay but, I donated my Chocolate stash and threw out some other things that I just don't need.

I was a bit nervous when I woke up this morning.  I guess I wasn't sure what the result would be when I saw Dr Winnett today.  I knew I had put on weight but the most important question I wanted answered was has my stomach settled down enough to have my fill put back in.  And I am pleased to announce that yes, it had :)

It took him forever to find the port.  It might be because he had an audience - the Twins were there watching on.  When he put the fluid in, I felt the tension (I think it would have been because there was some left over toast still making its way down).  It was such a strange sensation.  I had a drink of water to make sure it wasn't too tight (there is 4ml in there which is quite a bit) and left.

Within  few hours, I had some acid but, I put that down to the fact I had vegemite toast before I went and saw him.  I am now going to have to remember to take my tablets each day to ease that again now - something I haven't had to worry about for the past 6 weeks.

I am 176.2kg.  Which means I've put on 9.6kg in the past 6 weeks. 

I was a bit surprised at what I'd put on.  Dr Winnett pointed out it could have been worse.  He also pointed out that I should have expected to put on weight due to the fact that the 6 weeks prior, I wasn't even able to drink water at times.  He was very encouraging.  I also realised that by the time it comes to me having reached my goal weight, I would have lost an extra 10kg so, I would have lost 173kg rather than the 163kg. 

So, today for lunch I had a shake.  623kj.  And tonight for dinner and I had a banana smoothie.  844kj.  I've also had a fair bit of water. 

The best thing about my fill is the fact that I no longer feel hungry.  I remember how scary it was to not feel hunger when I first got my band but, to feel hungry.  It is much worse feeling hungry. 

If the last 6 weeks has shown me anything it's the fact that I know why I had the surgery in the first place.  And I haven't really said it.  But I'm about to.  I'm a food addict!  And when Dr Winnett put it in not so many words today, for the first time, I admitted it to myself.  I already mentioned in one of my previous blogs that I have no self control and this is true.  I have none at all.  Eating makes me happy.  And in the last 6 weeks whilst I could eat, I forgot about the other thing that makes me happy - exercising, feeling that ache after a good PT session, preparing really healthy food and feeling 'cleansed'. having energy, drive, motivation, a desire to succeed.  In a way, I also realise how exciting but scary it is to be under 170kg.  I can't remember the last time I was under that (other than the last time I saw Dr Winnett).  It's the unknown.  But, I'm looking forward to discovering the unknown.

I think I'll discover a few things over the next few months that I didn't know.  Some of it's going to be hard, some of it's going to be easy but all in all, I am looking forward to seeing how well I can do over the next few weeks.  One thing I want to do is get under 165kg before the end of the year.  And if it's possible, I am going to EVERYTHING I can to try and get under 160kg. 

It's good that my scales seem to be pretty accurate as I'll weigh myself on the 1st of January 2012 and cross my fingers that I made it :)

My next appointment with Dr Winnett is in 2 weeks to see how I have been going with the fluid put in.  The one after that is on the 22nd of December. 

I might cop a bit for what I have written in my blog tonight.  Maybe because I have written about eating junk food and how much weight I've put on.  This is all part of my journey.  And writing what I have written is not only being honest with all of you but also being honest with myself.

Things are going really well for me right now.  Many doors are opening up for me that I didn't think ever would.  I've managed to regain control of certain aspects of my life.  I've also been able to feel like I'm ready to let go of some things that have been holding me back.  I'm excited about the possibilities of the next few months.  More about that tomorrow... my 1st bandversary!