Confused... and sore

You have been warned - this post might be a bit long and may also contain a lot of whinging.

I have become one of Dr Winnett's higher maintenance patients over the past few weeks and today was no different.

On Sunday afternoon, I was sent home from Epworth with steroids and have been taking them as instructed.  I have been keeping on top of my pain relief and have been SO GOOD with my food!  I got to work at 7 this morning.  I was doing things as normal and at about 11.30am, I walked to the Photocopier, did some copying, went back to my desk, sat down and within 30 seconds or so, I started to cry as the pain that I was experiencing as SO severe, I couldn't do much else.  I asked my Team Leader for a break and I went into a meeting room to try and breathe.  I took some pain killers and then phone Dr Winnett's rooms.  I went back to my desk and just sat there trying to not think about how sore I was.

The pain was at the top of my shoulder on the left hand side.  It is generally referred to as shoulder tip pain.  Dr Winnett phoned me back and said that I needed to go and get the fluid taken out of my band right away.  I caught a taxi from work to the imaging place and they saw me right away as they were expecting me.  It took the Doctor about 10 get the fluid out as there was a bit of mucking around with my port.  The whole time, I was in tears.  It wasn't because of what he was doing - it was because of the pain that I was in.  Afterwards, I sat up and within a few minutes, I realised that I had no pain.  I had a barium swallow (lucky me - two in one week) and I went back to work as I was fine.  It was amazing how I could go from being in such immense pain to feeling almost 100%.

I left work and came home.  As I was walking down the platform, the pain started again.  Each movement I make hurts.  Lucky I can type without moving a lot.  I have taken some Endone (a very strong pain killer) and the pain seems to be easing off.

I see Dr Winnett tomorrow morning at 8.30.  I am going to go to bed soon in the hope that I don't wake up in pain.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me. Obviously it's something to do with the band but the fact is, it's hard to remember that I have something synthetic inside me that can cause things to go wrong.  The pain I was going through today was awful.  And I never want to go through something like it again.  I am just happy that I was close to where I had to go and get the fluid taken out.  Had I have had the kids with me or been somewhere else, I don't know what I would have done.  A $12 taxi ride has never been so worth it.

So, where to now?  I've been thinking a lot about my options.  I will speak to Jason about them tomorrow but, I am thinking about having a gastric sleeve.  The weight loss surgery option is the only thing that has worked for me so far.  My band has been a lifesaving tool.  I have said a number of times I don't believe I'd be here if it wasn't for it.  It has taken me so far.  I think that gastric sleeve is something that I should seriously consider.  I just need to weigh up the risks and find out who would be able to do it for me.  I would have to have the band removed and then wait a while and then have the sleeve done.  I know of people putting on 20kg in the space of 3 weeks after having their band taken out.  Having it taken out to see how I go might not be such a bad option as I don't have the time or the resources to have complications.  Obviously this is something that I need to think about a bit more.  Sleep on it, so to speak.  It's been a big few weeks for me...

I suspended my membership at the gym today.  I just haven't been going.  I'd prefer to be saving my money rather than spending it on something that I am not using.  I love going to the gym but just haven't had the time and haven't been feeling the best. 

I hate feeling as though I have taken so many steps forward but I am reluctant to take any back.

Today scared me.  It's not something I want to go through again.  And I hope I don't have to.

I shall update tomorrow when I get home... wish me luck xo